tryintalive

hi folks i'm brand new here and don't know a whole lot about it , what i can tell you is that i wasted three years of my life on methamphetamine or crank. i have been clean for over two years now , i stopped on my own , no rehab , no treatment, nothing , and i just feel like there's something missing. now i know that this has changed my life forever because i'm simply not the same as i used to be , i done massive amounts of this poison all at once , and over extended periods also , i am lucky to be alive and i realize that , i used it in every way that it can be used , finally resorting to intraveniously injecting it. i am basicly here to talk about it and to find out things i can do to aid my recovery.if you can help me it would be greatly appreciated , thank you.

Astro

I think you'll find many people here who can identify with that feeling of "something missing". For me it came from medicating myself for 27 years to cover up feelings and emotions that I couldn't deal with.

You can fill that hole up in recovery, and by meeting friends here. I was amazed at how many people were there to help me in my recovery, and it's made my life much fuller than I ever expected.

Anna

Hi Tryintolive,

Welcome and congratulations on your sober time.

This is a great place to come for inspiration and information and there is lots of support.

I'mready99

Welcome...You came to the right place...

I applaud you for kicking it on your own, that shows you have strong resolve...

Many knowledgeble people here that I'm sure can relate to you...

Do some surfing around the site and make yourself at home...

One day at a time.

Steve

Bonnelly

Hi everyone,

I'm new here as well. I'm an alcoholic and I go on the wagon quite regularly but my time to stay on that wagon is way over due. I'm scared it might already be too late for my health. I haven't had a doctor I feel really comfortable discussing this with in years and I know I have to find one.

It's been a really tough year. I lost my mom just before Christmas last year and two weeks after she died my 29 year old daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer. And just yesterday, after a year of chemo, radiation, and two surgeries, her doctor told her that the cancer had spread to her other breast. I fell off the wagon yesterday after she told me (only one dry week) and I feel physically and emotionally awful I have to try to get sober and healthy for her as well as for my other 3 kids - they lost their dad 2 years ago and without me they're orphans. As well, I have 3 grandchildren that I really want to see grow up. I have great reasons not to drink, so why is it so hard to stay sober? Anything anyone can tell me will be much appreciated.

Candy Scratch

Hi Tryintalive and welcome to SR,

Good for you for on your clean time. That's an awesome accomplishment.

I'm not sure why you feel something is missing, but from what I'm hearing, often when we stop using, we also have to rebuild what was lost or never built because we were drinking or using. Does that make sense?

Are you learning things about yourself? Do you reach outside of yourself to help others, whether by volunteering or just getting involved in your community? Are you doing anything to fill the hole left by your addiction? Have you explored your spirituality in whatever form that might take?

I don't profess to have any answers because we are all so different, but I can suggest these things may be something to think about.

CS

nelle4

Bonnelly, Welcome! Sounds like you have a heavy load. With the support you'll find here and the strength you have within you, you can do it as long as you take it a day, an hour, even sometimes a minute at a time. A lot of people need you, but in order to take care of them, you first have to take care of yourself. We're here for you. Take care.

Candy Scratch

((((Bonnelly))))

Welcome to SR - this is a wonderful, safe place to discuss your addiction and to find lots and lots of support without judgement.

I am so sorry, both for the loss of your mom and also for the bad news that your daughter has received. That is tough. I'm glad you are trying to take care of yourself so that you'll be able to care for others and be there in every sense of the term.

My advice for staying on the wagon is to take it one day at a time. Tiny little baby steps. It's easier if you have support from a place like SR or AA or something similar. As one of us here puts it, "Breathe and post. Breathe and post." She's right. It helps.

Sending you big hugs on the start of your journey.

CS

RiverLady

I'm new to this too, however it's my husband who started drinking 2 1/2 years ago. Although I was a teenager when the hippy/flower children were around, I got married and started a family. I've never had the urge to do drugs, and a drink now and then if enough for me. But what I'm finding from what people are writing about, and from what my husband says, it must be like the feeling you get when you feel the Holy Spirit. That's why my husband started liking to get drunk. He said it made him feel like he did when he received the Holy Spirit. But both of our walk with the Lord has fallen over the years. And I'm not sure why or how to get it revived again. But when they received the Holy Spirit in the bible, people thought they were drunk, so there must be some kind of comparision that I don't understand. Just something to think about I guess. God Bless to ya'll, Mountain Lady

best

The empty space we have inside can only be filled with the one thing that fully fits that space. A God shaped hole will only be 100% filled by God.

tryintalive

thank you for the reply , i'm just tryin ta live bro.

tryintalive

thank you to all who replied to my post of being new here , iv'e surfed around on here a little and can navigate the site a little better , can i ask a question? have you ever felt alone in a room full of people?

Astro

Absolutely, and I even felt that way for my first five months at AA meetings.
But then I realized that I wasn't opening up myself to the friends, fellowship, and love that are what we receive in sobriety. I can't see myself living any other way than clean and sober now.

tryintalive

awright , well thanks astro , i'm glad i came here maybe i can find some good people here who will listen instead of giving me disgusted looks when i try to vent some of the things that are bottled up. this addiction pretty much tore me apart from my family , and i don't think iv'e been forgiven totally yet , and it's been over two years since i have been high , mostly my mom , it really crushed her.

Arura

Many time's....!

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