Eric808

Well, this is quite sad for me. I went down this path so far, without realizing the changes and dangers, that it took me losing the woman I was going to marry to realize how "off" I had become.
And of course, for health reasons, I don't need to state the obvious. Somebody posted some excerpts from "Under the Influence" which was very helpful. I always heard people say they had to deal with alcoholism for their entire lives, and I thought it was silly, but now I understand why. That info was very informative.
I care about my health and want to live, but each time I look in the mirror I realize that I am responsible for losing the love of my life, and I am just devastated. I have a history of fighting this and I always though I could manage on my own, only to find myself feeling miserable once again. I don't drink all the time, I binge on the weekends. It's horrific. Suicide in slow motion.
I know many of you know these experiences and that is why I came to this group. I have been reading it for several days before joining just now. I pray to God for forgiveness, yet I can't forgive myself for the pain I have caused. I am my own worst enemy and I want to learn how to cope with this evil, disgusting disease that has nearly ruined my entire life.
Thank you.

Anna

The recovery process is most definitely a lifetime process. It's a journey and a wonderful journey! You are feeling angry with yourself right now and that's how I felt too. I couldn't believe how I'd messed up my life. Forgiveness is part of the recovery journey. It will get better.

Emily2002

I now know there's no way on earth I can do this alone, now, either. Things can only get better if we all work together with the Grace of God.

Keep posting; it's helping me as I go day by day (actually minute by minute at this point).

Prayers going your way.

Liz

TamTam

Good morning, Eric and welcome to SR. You are never alone when you are here- there is so much love and support. Please come back often.

I'mready99

Eric...Good morning and welcome to SR...

In my opinion, losing your fiance, was probably hitting your bottom. The only way for you to go is up...

I know that it is hard on you, but you just have to be strong and positive and change direction in your life...

You have come to the right place, as many people here have probably been in your situation and can give you very good advice...

I would suggest, staying sober, staying on this site as much as possible, and try to find an AA meeting that you feel comfortable with...

Best of luck to you...

One day at a time.

Steve