Hello another "newie" here.sorry long post..( from New Zealand)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Hello another "newie" here.sorry long post..( from New Zealand)
where do I start apart from the obvious that I need help!!
well Im a big drinker very big my habbit is drinking every second night as Im too crook the night I dont drink that is recovering. Im angry with myself and I loathe myself and I really am thinking of giving up and dying coz I have no will power at all!! My poison as such is wine and lots of it I just dont stop and easily drink two bottles at one time.
Ive tried to stick to one but end up going down the road getting more as everyone knows the more you drink the more tollerant you get so you want to drink more to get that feeling!! I also drink when Im happy, sad, lonely heck any reason. I dont want to go to a AA meeting as we live in a small town and well getting labled as the local town drunk ( tho in truth I imagine Im labled that allready!!) I have even occasionaly started to drink in the day so that my husband and children dont find out as I was hoping that the symtoms of me drinking will wear off but nope just keep going :0( The only time I stopped drinking was when I fell pregnant last year and when I was breast feeding my little girl who is now a year old I have a 13 year old and a 10 year old. I was seriously thinking of getting pregnant again so I could stop drinking again. The funny thing is I know that if I can go for a week then I could feel like I could stop as lets face it when your a alkie you cant cut down no matter how much you fool yourself :0( so as you can see Im a bit of a loser really and lately have being having these dreams of being alone and losing the children as I cant control my habbit. I wish in NZ there was a place I could go away and stay for a week or two but we dont have places like that :0( Ang
well Im a big drinker very big my habbit is drinking every second night as Im too crook the night I dont drink that is recovering. Im angry with myself and I loathe myself and I really am thinking of giving up and dying coz I have no will power at all!! My poison as such is wine and lots of it I just dont stop and easily drink two bottles at one time.
Ive tried to stick to one but end up going down the road getting more as everyone knows the more you drink the more tollerant you get so you want to drink more to get that feeling!! I also drink when Im happy, sad, lonely heck any reason. I dont want to go to a AA meeting as we live in a small town and well getting labled as the local town drunk ( tho in truth I imagine Im labled that allready!!) I have even occasionaly started to drink in the day so that my husband and children dont find out as I was hoping that the symtoms of me drinking will wear off but nope just keep going :0( The only time I stopped drinking was when I fell pregnant last year and when I was breast feeding my little girl who is now a year old I have a 13 year old and a 10 year old. I was seriously thinking of getting pregnant again so I could stop drinking again. The funny thing is I know that if I can go for a week then I could feel like I could stop as lets face it when your a alkie you cant cut down no matter how much you fool yourself :0( so as you can see Im a bit of a loser really and lately have being having these dreams of being alone and losing the children as I cant control my habbit. I wish in NZ there was a place I could go away and stay for a week or two but we dont have places like that :0( Ang
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Im so pleased that I have found this place and just want to thank everyone that posts here as I see myself in some of the posts and its so nice to know Im not along as that was what I was feeling that I was alone.
Ang
Ang
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Hi, Angie- welcome to SR! You are NOT a loser!! It is great that you have recognized your situation. I can relate so much to your post! Please read other posts and come back often. It really helps.
Best of luck!
Best of luck!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: here, there, everywhere
Posts: 2,112
i'm always online during the day. i live on this site now to keep me sober. pm me anytime ya want. i had my last drink feb 3, 1993, so i know about the alcoholism. i am having trouble now with pain pills, but if i can help you in any way, please, please ask
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
Thanks for the lovely kind words. Now Im getting the scared feeling I dont want as such a drink now as Im still having a hangover its tomorrow and letting my famlily down. I have my first meeting on thursday at 8pm and at the moment Im having that panicky feeling till then. I know what I should do keep myself busy etc I just want to get through tonight tomorrow then thursday evening then the weekend just so I know ive done it . Im off to bed now goodnight and thankyou so very very much again everyone with the kind words/thoughts.
Ang
Ang
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