Real good friend and an ex
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: ohio
Posts: 148
Real good friend and an ex
i am concerned about a real good friend of mine. he is an ex alcoholic, but he is going through hell right now. i am worried not that he will relapse, but that something else is wrong. i don't know what to do. i am scared things may spiral and things may happen.
another friend(my exboyfriend) lives with an alcoholic father. my ex is now of drinking age and i see signs of a problem like his dad. he also has his dad's temper and when he is drunk he is an *******.
what can i do for these people?
another friend(my exboyfriend) lives with an alcoholic father. my ex is now of drinking age and i see signs of a problem like his dad. he also has his dad's temper and when he is drunk he is an *******.
what can i do for these people?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Have you tried some Al-Anon meetings? Education about alcoholism is what helped me.
Your friend is fortunate to have your care and concern, but you can't control another's drinking.
Keep posting.
Your friend is fortunate to have your care and concern, but you can't control another's drinking.
Keep posting.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: trail of discovery
Posts: 2,472
Lovelife, You are a good friend for caring so much about these people in your life. But as Carol said, you cannot change another person, they have to want to be different.
What you can do is take care of you and not allow yourself to get caught up in the drama of their drinking. I know that may sound selfish but it's really not. if you allow yourself to get caught up in it, you risk enabling the A to continue, when you think you are helping.
As for the friend that you feel has something wrong, some people just need space until they are ready to share what it is that is going on with them. You have to just trust that your friend is doing what he needs to do for him, and then be ready to listen with no judgements when he is ready to talk. You can simply just let him know that you feel that there may be something up with him and that you are there if he needs a friend. simply stated and then let go and let God.
Hope this helps.
What you can do is take care of you and not allow yourself to get caught up in the drama of their drinking. I know that may sound selfish but it's really not. if you allow yourself to get caught up in it, you risk enabling the A to continue, when you think you are helping.
As for the friend that you feel has something wrong, some people just need space until they are ready to share what it is that is going on with them. You have to just trust that your friend is doing what he needs to do for him, and then be ready to listen with no judgements when he is ready to talk. You can simply just let him know that you feel that there may be something up with him and that you are there if he needs a friend. simply stated and then let go and let God.
Hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
You could say, " You know, I don't think I've ever told you how proud I am of you. I really admire you. I know that your father has a problem with alcohol and typically, I know sometimes those problems can go from generation to generation. I've seen you handle some pretty tough things without ever picking up a drink and I just wanted to tell you I think you are awesome! I look up to you." I think we can be open and honest, we can acknowledge a drinking concern while still being supportive. Pray for your friends. God knows no degree of difficulty and has no limitations. You may be the only one praying for them.
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