wiscgirl30

So I drank again and it wasnt good. It is SO ODD how this happens to me and it is so hard for me to really realize that I need to quit! I went out with a couple friends from 5:00 to 7:30, that was it. At the first bar, I was drinking vodka gimlets. Of course we rationalize - I dont LOVE gimlets, but it is sort of strong, and so I sip and dont slam, thus thinking I wont get so drunk. WELL....3 gimlets later and Im freaking blacked out! I dont remember from probably 6:30 till 7:30, when I got home. I came home, made an entire pork chop dinner, dont remember ANYthing of it. It is so odd. Am I allergic to alcohol? Why cant I drink like other people, these people I was with drank the same amount, at the same time, and were just fine.... UGH. I know I cant drink. I know it, but it is SO HARD to imagine my life without alcohol....

Kellye C

This disease is progressive and it looks like yours is progressing.

Towards the end I had many blackouts and on less alcohol. Then my body started shutting down (kidneys, liver etc.) and it was time to make a choice. I chose to live. I hope you choose the same.

Hugs,
Kellye

TamTam

I know exactly how you feel!! I don't get it either. I have know for SOOOOO long that I can't seem to drink like everyone else. I don't know what exactly happened last week, but I said This is it- I can't do it anymore. I was blacking out 4-5 nights a week. Not a great influence for my kids.

I am afraid of the very same thing- how do you have any fun if you are not drinking?.. and the thought of probably never drinking again?!?

Please come back to this site and read it regularly. It has really helped me.

Hope to see you back again.

wiscgirl30

Actually, I have been here many times....and people have told me not to think of it as "not ever drinking again", just think of it as "not drinking TODAY." I have to remember that... I think I really might have to start going to AA meetings, if only just to meet other people who dont drink. As of right now, I dont know anyone that doesn't drink, and I dont know anyone who does anything without drinking either. It sucks.

Lbad

Hi Wiscgirl30....
I just wanted to say that I used to think like you about not being able to imagine a life without alcohol. "What would I do?" "How would I have any fun?" "My life would be over!"
Miracles happen because today I can't imagine a good life with alcohol in it anymore. The only thing I think about when I think of that is how awful it would be. And about how much I was missing out on that I never even knew about.
Good luck and God Bless!

Kellye C

I can fully relate to wondering how to live without alcohol. I had reached a point where I couldn't imagine continuing to drink and I couldn't imagine not drinking. I loved to dance, sing kareoke and get out and socialize and I just KNEW I couldn't do any of that sober. Was I doomed to a life of a hermit sitting at home knitting sweaters or what? Sounds a little extreme but that is what I envisioned.

I would like to reassure you that life does continue and you can have just as much fun (or more!) sober. The key for me was going to AA and meeting a bunch of sober drunks who liked to have fun as much as I did. In sobriety I have done all the things that I enjoyed before. I have been to sober dances, gone to sing kareoke, stayed up all night playing poker, going to people's houses to play games, gone out to eat, gone out to the river. The point is that life does not end with sobriety. Definitely find some local meetings and go in with an open mind. One lady in our group puts it so well when she relates her first meeting. She didn't look at it as a group of strangers, only a group of friends she had yet to meet. That was certainly the case for me and I hope it will be for you too!

Hugs,
Kellye

wiscgirl30

Yay! It isn't easy to find an AA meeting here for some reason, but I will. It does sound fun!

Hope

AA meetings are great. It is nice to walk into a room where you feel so much warmth, caring, and understanding. Listen to the shares and look for similarities not differences. If you hear someone that you can relate to, walk up to them after the meeting. It is wonderful to be among people who understand. They've all been there. Being among people in recovery will help show you that we do recover. Follow in the footsteps of those who have gone before.

If you go to a meeting, get phone numbers. If you feel like picking up a drink, pick up that phone instead! It isn't easy but just make yourself do it. Somehow talking about a craving takes away some of its power.

Sobriety is fun... but the key is to learn howto enjoy and handle life without picking up a drink.

laurie6781

Look in your phone book under AA or Alcoholics Anonymous. Call the number listed and ask them where and when the meetings are in your area. They will tell you.

Hope that helps.

Love and hugs,

laurience

I completely completely understand and relate. I heard a great saying. "Once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it can never be a cucumber anymore".. I so so wished for so long and tried to be that cucumber again. I too blacked out.. TERRIFYING.. at the end I could only have 3-4 and not remember parts of my evening. I got super drunk maybe once a month however the rest of the time it took alot of work not to get drunk.. Deep down I wanted too.. It is not worth what could happen to me or someone else when I get drunk. I am liable of anything (driving, taking off my clothes in front of my friends.. whathever), so not worth it. I have tried so many times to go back to drinking moderately, drinking one and then switching to pop and then back to alcohol, no more than 2 etc... It DOESN'T WORK.. Eventually I will get super drunk again and not remember a thing and feel the SHAME AND EMBARRASSEMENT.. I am 66 days sober... Good luck and keep posting..
Joanne

Stormtooth

Laurience.

It was very much my pattern to control drinking for about 2.5 to 3 weeks before the big drunl happened, sometimes longer, sometimes shorter. the length of the big drunks got longer--the consequences greater.

What made it hard though most of al, was a loss of control. I could not say to myself i would have 5 drinks and no more. Once the gray hound was out of the chute, he was chasing the mechanical rabbit until the race was over.

How many times did i try to make a deal with alcohol? The same number of times I went out of control--no coincidence.

SHAME AND EMBARESSMENT--two friends of mine when Ron Baccardi was the only guy who understood my problems.

nogard

It can be fun, but wahatever it is there is a trick I use from teh Big Book pp451 worth reading the whole story. I see my Sobriety as seperate from teh ups and downs of my life and my emotions, it has a life of its own.

Kevin

jmhs002

One day at a time was the only way that I could approach stopping drinking. It scared the sh*t out of me as it was such a huge part of my life. I ask for help each morning not to drink alcohol today. I'll deal with tomorrow when it comes. I hope you can find an AA meeting - it changed my life and allowed me to see sober people that have learned how to live without alcohol. Stick around.

laurience

Stormtooth..
"Once the gray hound was out of the chute, he was chasing the mechanical rabbit until the race was over."

Well said...
Joanne

wiscgirl30

Exactly All. It is so weird how we all have the same experiences. Deals with alcohol - it doesn't work. One is boring, with two I want just one more, by the time it gets to 3, judgment is gone and I dont care anymore and keep going.....

TamTam

How was your weekend, Wiscgirl? Everything ok?

wiscgirl30

Yup, just visited family.