OK- Here goes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
OK- Here goes
Hi All- I don't know where to start. I found this site on Friday and have been reading it daily. What a comfort knowing there are others out there! I am a 43 year old wife and mom, aerobic instructor, work part time and volunteer with many organizations in my community. That said-- I don't know how I manage it all with how much I drink! It is becoming more and more clear to me that I am a functioning alcoholic. How many people have I just admitted that to?!?I grew up in So. Cal. and started "binge" drinking at 13. (That's 30 yrs ago!!!) Growing up, fun and alcohol went hand in hand. As a kid I always remember it being around for everything. My husband and I are the same way- most of our friends, too. My kids are used to it being around; they even open my wine bottles for me. I don't want them to grow up thinking alcohol has to be involved to have a good time. I know I need to stop. I'm blacking out 4-5 nights a week. I just can't stop once I start.
I have broken down and contacted EAP through my husband's work. They are sending me to a psych and a therapist. I am so afraid I won't know how to have fun anymore. Actually, I'm just plain afraid. I am known as "Fun" Tammy, always the great hostess who has such a good time. I haven't had anything to drink for 6 days (this site has really helped with that). I am having Thanksgiving here at my house for many people- I am very nervous.
I know I'm ready to do this. I have to make things better for myself. I know I only have 1 shot at this life and being a good mom and wife. I just appreciate being able to read these posts and know there are others with the same feelings and emotions.
Sorry to ramble.. thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Hi Tammy,
Welcome and I'm glad you decided to post.
It's 'normal' to feel afraid about what your life is going to be like without alcohol. And, stopping drinking will undoubtedly involve changes in your life and change is always hard. But, you have made a great decision.
As far as Thanksgiving, I assume you mean that people will be drinking and that's making you nervous. For me, I couldn't be around people who were drinking, when I was newly sober. I tried it once and was absolutely miserable. But, if you have support - from your husband or family members, you can get through it.
I hope you keep posting.
Welcome and I'm glad you decided to post.
It's 'normal' to feel afraid about what your life is going to be like without alcohol. And, stopping drinking will undoubtedly involve changes in your life and change is always hard. But, you have made a great decision.
As far as Thanksgiving, I assume you mean that people will be drinking and that's making you nervous. For me, I couldn't be around people who were drinking, when I was newly sober. I tried it once and was absolutely miserable. But, if you have support - from your husband or family members, you can get through it.
I hope you keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Antioch, IL
Posts: 32
Yea, it is scary to stop something that you are so used to. It is completely normal.
Welcome and best of luck. I understand, we have alcohol at home, so far I have been good and not touched it for 2 weeks.
AS others will tell you, just take one day at a time and I am glad you have help.
Welcome and best of luck. I understand, we have alcohol at home, so far I have been good and not touched it for 2 weeks.
AS others will tell you, just take one day at a time and I am glad you have help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
welcome Tam and glad that you are here...i too grew up in SoCal drinking and drugging...
I am a mother of 2... I have been clean and dry for 6 months....the longest besides being prego.....my kids too saw mommy take "her pills" with beer or wine.....
I know this will be hard for you ....find as much support as possible...
~B
I am a mother of 2... I have been clean and dry for 6 months....the longest besides being prego.....my kids too saw mommy take "her pills" with beer or wine.....
I know this will be hard for you ....find as much support as possible...
~B
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
Welcome to SR and great to "read" you. I was a great functioning alcoholic, body builder (competitive) and bartender... which was how I could get drunk every day... then it progressed as alcoholism does... I soon was not functioning so well any more... body hurt from the booze, lost interest in life and soon pretty much gave up on life... just existed in a pool of booze.
I pray that you will find your way clear of that trap before it gets you.
Peace, Levi
I pray that you will find your way clear of that trap before it gets you.
Peace, Levi
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome!
See if this link is of help tp you..
I think Blackouts explained on #35
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take care..
See if this link is of help tp you..
I think Blackouts explained on #35
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Take care..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 527
Welcome to SR Tammy!!
Guess what - I'm a 43-year-old mother of three, drinking probably as long as you have been and highly-functional also. No one in my community, not even in their wildest dreams, would think I was an alcoholic . I sometimes try to kid myself and think I'm not one either, but I know I am.
I'm finding it tough, but also exhilirating to find myself in little tiny baby steps. I've done more reflection and analysis of my character in the last few months than I have in the last 20 years it seems. I also feel far more aware of my spiritual self, which is so important I think.
You can do this if you really want it and SR is such an awesome, amazing, "safe" place full of friends and people who really understand what you're going through.
((((Hugs at the start of your journey))))
Guess what - I'm a 43-year-old mother of three, drinking probably as long as you have been and highly-functional also. No one in my community, not even in their wildest dreams, would think I was an alcoholic . I sometimes try to kid myself and think I'm not one either, but I know I am.
I'm finding it tough, but also exhilirating to find myself in little tiny baby steps. I've done more reflection and analysis of my character in the last few months than I have in the last 20 years it seems. I also feel far more aware of my spiritual self, which is so important I think.
You can do this if you really want it and SR is such an awesome, amazing, "safe" place full of friends and people who really understand what you're going through.
((((Hugs at the start of your journey))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
Thank you everyone for your kind words.
Last night I sat down with my daughter and her friend who have seen me cross "that line" where I start losing my speech and act really stupid. I told them I obviously have a problem, I want to be better and have taken steps to get there. I warned them I will probably be an emotional wreck... After my whole speel, my beautiful 12 yr old said, "I love you, Mom", and her friend said "I love you, too". Then they asked for hugs. Wow! I had talked to the friend's mom earlier (my wine drinking buddy) and told her. I also talked with someone I know about who is going through AA. Every time I tell someone I feel like a huge weight is lifted. I can do this!
I check in here often as it helps so much.
Have a good day- Tammy
Last night I sat down with my daughter and her friend who have seen me cross "that line" where I start losing my speech and act really stupid. I told them I obviously have a problem, I want to be better and have taken steps to get there. I warned them I will probably be an emotional wreck... After my whole speel, my beautiful 12 yr old said, "I love you, Mom", and her friend said "I love you, too". Then they asked for hugs. Wow! I had talked to the friend's mom earlier (my wine drinking buddy) and told her. I also talked with someone I know about who is going through AA. Every time I tell someone I feel like a huge weight is lifted. I can do this!
I check in here often as it helps so much.
Have a good day- Tammy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: road to recovery
Posts: 1,689
Hi TamTam and welcome!
You sound like me except my 3 kids are probably younger. I had my final (i hope) blackout on July 24, 2006 and haven't had a drink since. I had tried to stop drinking many times before that. The difference this time is that I reached out because I recognized that my problem was bigger than anything I could handle alone.
You are making a wise choice for yourself and are taking appropriate steps by posting here and getting professional help. It is and will be really strange at first but you can do it.
Things that helped me: reading all you can about alcoholism (it's scary when you realize how progressive this disease is), going to AA meetings and finding a good sponsor, posting here, eating well, exercising, sleeping as much as you can, and finding replacement drinks for those times when you might need one.
As for Thanksgiving, you can do it sober. YOU can! Try drinking cranberry with sprite or tonic. Whatever works. Keep that drink around so you can grab it at anytime you feel the urge to drink. (for me it's diet limeade--minutemaid). Get some numbers of people you can call. Make sure your husband and/or a trusted friend knows what you are up against, so in case you need to leave or take a time out--they can cover. Come here and post--even if you can't get anyone else on line, just pour your frustrations out on a thread.
You can do this. Keep on keeping on!
hugs,
You sound like me except my 3 kids are probably younger. I had my final (i hope) blackout on July 24, 2006 and haven't had a drink since. I had tried to stop drinking many times before that. The difference this time is that I reached out because I recognized that my problem was bigger than anything I could handle alone.
You are making a wise choice for yourself and are taking appropriate steps by posting here and getting professional help. It is and will be really strange at first but you can do it.
Things that helped me: reading all you can about alcoholism (it's scary when you realize how progressive this disease is), going to AA meetings and finding a good sponsor, posting here, eating well, exercising, sleeping as much as you can, and finding replacement drinks for those times when you might need one.
As for Thanksgiving, you can do it sober. YOU can! Try drinking cranberry with sprite or tonic. Whatever works. Keep that drink around so you can grab it at anytime you feel the urge to drink. (for me it's diet limeade--minutemaid). Get some numbers of people you can call. Make sure your husband and/or a trusted friend knows what you are up against, so in case you need to leave or take a time out--they can cover. Come here and post--even if you can't get anyone else on line, just pour your frustrations out on a thread.
You can do this. Keep on keeping on!
hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Middle Ga
Posts: 1,515
I took your Limeaid advice and already made up a new concoction (once a bartender...). I added club soda and pomegranate/tangerine jc. Yummy.
I also shared my situation with my 11 yr old son this morning. He is so sweet. I have awesome kids. (and husband too) They all know I will accept hugs throughout the festivities tomorrow. We are actually serving at a soup kitchen early in the day. That should help keep things in perspective- help realize how blessed I am.
I will no doubt be in and out tomorrow. Especially when I am the only sober one playing Pictionary tomorrow night!!! Should be interesting. I feel good- I can do it!!
I am expanding the circle of people who I am letting in to my "secret". Each time I feel like I can breathe a little deeper. It feels good! I want to be accountable.
Thanks again for all of the advice and kind words everyone!
I also shared my situation with my 11 yr old son this morning. He is so sweet. I have awesome kids. (and husband too) They all know I will accept hugs throughout the festivities tomorrow. We are actually serving at a soup kitchen early in the day. That should help keep things in perspective- help realize how blessed I am.
I will no doubt be in and out tomorrow. Especially when I am the only sober one playing Pictionary tomorrow night!!! Should be interesting. I feel good- I can do it!!
I am expanding the circle of people who I am letting in to my "secret". Each time I feel like I can breathe a little deeper. It feels good! I want to be accountable.
Thanks again for all of the advice and kind words everyone!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Minneapolis MN
Posts: 404
Welcome to SR. I can relate to everything that you said in your first post. I was afraid to stop, and couldn't imagine my life without drinking - everything that I did included drinking. Well, by the Grace of God, an unbelievable group of people at my AA group, and a willingness to change, I have been sober since Feb. 7 2005. If I can stop you can too. Stick around.
JMHS
JMHS
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