Wrath

Hello to all here, and I hope everything is OK. I would assume many people have sat at their PC, and knowing they have a problem, searched online for answers or help.....I am one of those people. In a way, I suppose those who do search online for help are not at the worst stage yet because they obviously still care, and believe they can have better things in life....

I numerous problems, but drinking is the cause of many, and it is the reason I fail on things I try to change....I currently am drinking right now like I do everyday, and I am losing all my hopes to cocaine.....I can NOT stop even as I watch everything I have worked for being lost...I have a clear vision of the man I want to be, but I am not even close, or even trying very hard....I can't get my mind to really try. I am in my 30s now, and have come to a point after years and years of drinking daily without fail, that I simply have trouble caring about anything or anyone including myself....I am not suicidal at all, and would never even think about it, but I have stopped leaving the house, caring about my health or looks, and have closed myself off from almost everyone. There is no drug I have not abused, but I did find a bit of hope for 3 years after we moved and I quit doing coke....it is back, and for the last 5 months I have put off bills to buy it constantly....I am so mad at myself right now...drinking is when I screw up. I will not be a one night poster I promise. I have to work tonight....I will post tomorrow...I know I am not alone with my problems, but I have to do something because I can't control my own mind.

TiredandWorn

I am sorry that you are going through this, I live in a similar situation--husband does coke and drinks. But the fact that you "verbalized" these feelings a step in the right direction--I don't mean it to sound trite, but I know that I would give a lot to hear my addict even come close to saying what you've just said. It means you know it, and hopefully you can do whatever it takes to change it. I wish for you peace and I hope you find your way.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!


I am so glad you found us!

Wrath

Thank you for responding. I hope to have discussions a bit with people like yourself in the hope it may help me. It's so hard to understand....it's my own mind that I am losing to.

Midas

Glad you're here!

MNGirlyGirl

Welcome. I'm so glad that you have found SR. I too was a daily drinker for more years than I want to think about. You will find that you are not alone, and not unique in your addictions. You have taken the first step to begin the journey back.

Hope

I can relate to your situation and I know how painful and hopeless it can seem. But, there is hope!! I'm a recovering alcoholic/cocaine addict and I do struggle.. but being free from those poisons is the greatest gift that I can give myself and others.

You don't have to go through this alone. Keep reaching out. Support is very important to recovery.

We're always here for you!

michski

It's been around 6 years since I've stopped doing cocaine or crank or whichever I could put my hands on the fastest... All I can advise you is to see your doctor and maybe consider a antidepressant. Depression is the side effect of cocaine withdrawal. It takes time for your brain to produce normal levels of serantonin and I found taking prozac and going to an accupunturist really helped me cleanse my body and get my brain back.

Cocaine is such a lying sucker hateful drug... Using it will always end with a desperate relationship in that you can't live with it or without it.

I figured I had had a good time on it for awhile and then it began to snort ME and MINE instead of the other way around.

Please stick around, Lots of peoples in your shoes here....

TiredandWorn

Hi Wrath,

Hoping if you did stay home from work today, you are having a good or better day than yesterday!

Cguse

Wrath,

I too have dealt with the power of addiction. One thing to another to another. I am dealing more with alcohal now after years of meth addiction and marijuana addiction. I have finally decided that it is important to find out why I do this stuff to myself to begin with. But it is not easy. I think that this is the right place to go. At least there are people to talk to, even if there are none to physically be there that understand. Most people try to understand what we go through as addicts. Four years after I have quit meth, I still think about it every single day. That will never change. Please keep posting and being honest with yourself.

You already know the answers, it is time to step up to the plate and do it

nogard

hey wrath, glad you found us

Wrath

Thanks for the welcomes...I sincerely appreciate them, and like I said....I will try not to be a one time poster only reaching out in a moment of desperation, and then going back to ignoring my issues never to return again. As you can see, I have come back, but I also have been drinking tonight as usual and just called for more cocaine....I am not at any type of recovery phase right now, and I don't hide the fact, but I am at a point I have been at many times before....a point where I realize what I am doing is causing problems......a point I have reached many many times before, but never found whatever it is I need to find to make me stop these things I wish I never started.

It's a sad thought to realize your life may end up as one lost chance after another, and in reality, nothing more than a cliche.

Cguse

Wrath,

I don't think you give yourself enough credit. You are admiting that you want something different for yourself. That is a good thing, a step in the right direction.