Letting a some anger out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Letting a some anger out
What an @ss!! He was in jail a few weeks ago....crying about how he misses the kids, can't watch tv or look out the window without (voice starts cracking)....blah blah blah.
Tell me this........If he misses the kids so much, then HOW CAN HE GO TWO + WEEKS WITHOUT CALLING THEM after he's been let out of jail???????
I know.....he was hoping that by being "emotional" maybe I'd come bail him out, or call someone who will. Now that he's out of jail, he don't need me (or my money) so why call. These poor kids! God I'm glad they have me.
Selfish................ I'll be d@mned if I'm going to go looking for him.
a tiny part of me is a little concerned though........why hasn't he called?
Tell me this........If he misses the kids so much, then HOW CAN HE GO TWO + WEEKS WITHOUT CALLING THEM after he's been let out of jail???????
I know.....he was hoping that by being "emotional" maybe I'd come bail him out, or call someone who will. Now that he's out of jail, he don't need me (or my money) so why call. These poor kids! God I'm glad they have me.
Selfish................ I'll be d@mned if I'm going to go looking for him.
a tiny part of me is a little concerned though........why hasn't he called?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by Jessica
why hasn't he called?
Originally Posted by you
I know.....he was hoping that by being "emotional" maybe I'd come bail him out, or call someone who will.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
know.....he was hoping that by being "emotional" maybe I'd come bail him out,
Maybe you could post the question on the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum and see what type of responses you get.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
When in the foxhole, the alcoholic becomes a different man... making promises he cannot keep, expressing emotions long stuffed, feeling the desperation and wanting to change....
but once outta the hole........the insanity returns.
Im sorry...my son dad has bailed too...broken hearts abound.
The kids have US tho..and we are valuable!!!
but once outta the hole........the insanity returns.
Im sorry...my son dad has bailed too...broken hearts abound.
The kids have US tho..and we are valuable!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
You know what makes this worse?? My son called G after one of his counselling sessions and asked him about Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and their birthdays and if he was coming. G told him he'd be there. He missed Halloween b/c he was in jail....Now Four days before Thanksgiving and we've not heard from him. I just can't see G breaking his word to the kids! He's never done that before. But I know his disease is getting worse and anything is possible. SELFISH!!!!!
I did give a heads up to my son's counsellor that this is what might happen. I just pray I can be strong enough to NOT express my anger about the situation in front of my son and be able to stay strong and focused when he comes to me with his hurt.
A$$HOLE.........sorry had to vent
I did give a heads up to my son's counsellor that this is what might happen. I just pray I can be strong enough to NOT express my anger about the situation in front of my son and be able to stay strong and focused when he comes to me with his hurt.
A$$HOLE.........sorry had to vent
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Jessica, doing the best we can is what it's about. I can only imagine the anger you feel on behalf of your children.
AH is doing things I never thought possible - and there is the key for me - he is sick. If he wasn't he would not be doing these things. Not always easy to keep in mind. These are the times I do what was suggested by our doctor: look at him and picture him in a hospital gown. Sometimes it gets exhausting - I feel my understanding meter is running out of coins.
That's about the time I get busy and do something. I feel myself putting the focus on AH and his actions and know I need to do something about that.
((()))
AH is doing things I never thought possible - and there is the key for me - he is sick. If he wasn't he would not be doing these things. Not always easy to keep in mind. These are the times I do what was suggested by our doctor: look at him and picture him in a hospital gown. Sometimes it gets exhausting - I feel my understanding meter is running out of coins.
That's about the time I get busy and do something. I feel myself putting the focus on AH and his actions and know I need to do something about that.
((()))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Jessica, I truly understand your frustration and your anger and your pain. But I want to remind you that yes, indeed, G has broken his word to the kids before. I think you may have forgotten this as you said that he doesn't do this. The truth is, yes, he has and apparently still does.
As a parent, we want what is best for our kids and we don't want them to hurt. I understand this completely as I still have moments where I am so angry at AH for how he treats our kids. But I have to realize that I can't control his behavior and or his actions. I can only be here for my kids and do the best I can. Each person (child or adult) must come to terms with the reality and truth of the A in their life - even though it hurts. While we want to sheild them from the pain - the truth is, one day they will eventually see the A for who and how they are.
Jessica - I truly do understand. Just a few weekends ago, Ah did something that hurt my daughter very much. It was another disappointment for her. I was soooooo angry - but she continues to see him every weekend. That is her choice. I know from past conversations and comments she's made, she knows how he is - and she knows that I am the reliable responsible parent. Even though she accepts him as he is and knows the reality - I guess she still hopes. I don't know.
Anyways...I just wanted to really remind you that yes, G has hurt the kids before Jess. As much as it pains you, I'd suggest that you prepare yourself for this to continue and not be surprised.
Sorry to sound so dismal, but it's how I see it.
(((jessica)))
As a parent, we want what is best for our kids and we don't want them to hurt. I understand this completely as I still have moments where I am so angry at AH for how he treats our kids. But I have to realize that I can't control his behavior and or his actions. I can only be here for my kids and do the best I can. Each person (child or adult) must come to terms with the reality and truth of the A in their life - even though it hurts. While we want to sheild them from the pain - the truth is, one day they will eventually see the A for who and how they are.
Jessica - I truly do understand. Just a few weekends ago, Ah did something that hurt my daughter very much. It was another disappointment for her. I was soooooo angry - but she continues to see him every weekend. That is her choice. I know from past conversations and comments she's made, she knows how he is - and she knows that I am the reliable responsible parent. Even though she accepts him as he is and knows the reality - I guess she still hopes. I don't know.
Anyways...I just wanted to really remind you that yes, G has hurt the kids before Jess. As much as it pains you, I'd suggest that you prepare yourself for this to continue and not be surprised.
Sorry to sound so dismal, but it's how I see it.
(((jessica)))
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
In the progression, the "yets" get worse...and I always tended to denie them...."Maybe YOUR alcoholic bails on his kids, but not MINE".
and yet here I am....he bailed over a year ago. No holidays...no bed time hugs, no attending school functions (Except 2 short lived).
We, you and Me, are certainly not exempt from these "yets"....but we get thru them together...one day at a time.
and yet here I am....he bailed over a year ago. No holidays...no bed time hugs, no attending school functions (Except 2 short lived).
We, you and Me, are certainly not exempt from these "yets"....but we get thru them together...one day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
I guess G was so good at manipulating my thoughts, that I honestly forgot that he had disappointed them before. You know, he'd come up with some good excuse and blah blah blah and I'd forget all about it.
Since I now see things much clearer....this I will never forget!!! I don't give a sh!t what G thinks....my kids are here wanting their dad but he is so freakin selfish and stuck in his own pathetic sympathy crap, he don't care to see that! And I'm the one who has to hold it all together and make sure the kids get the love, nurturing, and whatever else it is they need. What a way to put the responsibilities off on someone else. I would kill myself before I EVER got so bad I couldn't be here for my kids.
once again....sorry, just lettin out some anger issues.
Since I now see things much clearer....this I will never forget!!! I don't give a sh!t what G thinks....my kids are here wanting their dad but he is so freakin selfish and stuck in his own pathetic sympathy crap, he don't care to see that! And I'm the one who has to hold it all together and make sure the kids get the love, nurturing, and whatever else it is they need. What a way to put the responsibilities off on someone else. I would kill myself before I EVER got so bad I couldn't be here for my kids.
once again....sorry, just lettin out some anger issues.
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
No sorries, hun, let that crap out. We know your pain...
somedays I hurt so bad that my boy doesnt have a father anymore....just ask my groups...they see me cry and hurt over it often. Pray for him..even if you dont mean it...it will help relieve the pain of resentment.
Today I am having an unbelievable day of compassion for him...his voice on the phone was just so sick and lost...When I compare what I have in this world to what he has...I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
Your G has been hijacked by a disease that hates familes, hates your kids, hates any goodness...and it makes sure that you all know that.....its destroying him first, and then you all second.
Dont let it get you today by letting that anger eat you up. Take a moment to look at your wonderful kids and say to yourself softly how lucky you are to have them and especially how lucky there are to have YOU!
somedays I hurt so bad that my boy doesnt have a father anymore....just ask my groups...they see me cry and hurt over it often. Pray for him..even if you dont mean it...it will help relieve the pain of resentment.
Today I am having an unbelievable day of compassion for him...his voice on the phone was just so sick and lost...When I compare what I have in this world to what he has...I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.
Your G has been hijacked by a disease that hates familes, hates your kids, hates any goodness...and it makes sure that you all know that.....its destroying him first, and then you all second.
Dont let it get you today by letting that anger eat you up. Take a moment to look at your wonderful kids and say to yourself softly how lucky you are to have them and especially how lucky there are to have YOU!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
jessie
i'm so sorry that you are going through this. i understand how tough it is. your children are so fortunate to have you for the balance they need in their lives.
as hard as it is to do, please remember that they still love their daddy, and if they hear people put him down, in their little pure hearts, it is like they themselves are being put down, because they ARE a part of him.....if they hear others slam their daddy, it's like it's aimed at them.
you sound like a very good mother, and i am sure you know what i just said....just a reminder to you and to myself to protect our childrens hearts.
blessings
jeri
i'm so sorry that you are going through this. i understand how tough it is. your children are so fortunate to have you for the balance they need in their lives.
as hard as it is to do, please remember that they still love their daddy, and if they hear people put him down, in their little pure hearts, it is like they themselves are being put down, because they ARE a part of him.....if they hear others slam their daddy, it's like it's aimed at them.
you sound like a very good mother, and i am sure you know what i just said....just a reminder to you and to myself to protect our childrens hearts.
blessings
jeri
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
