Anodyne

To help her understand, my girlfriend...well, some background

I recently got an intake done, and have the hour long answer questions things on monday, not court ordered, just me sick of this crap ordered. I also set up a direct deposit account, fortunately my mother lives in the same town, so I had her set it up and made her the only signatory..so I won't have cash tempting me to buy alcohol, and so I can't even write checks for it, which I thought was a good idea.

and tonight my girfriend asked, "so if you had the money, you would be drinking?"

and I said "yes, monsterously"

I've been sober a week and I'm going nuts.

So the next thing she said was "so you love alcohol more than anything else"

and then she left.

That really ticks me off, and makes me feel like I shouldn't tell her the truth anymore.

Anodyne

Oh, and I have told her before, when she talked about me loving alcohol more than her, that I do not love it at all, that I hate it.

laurie6781

Welcome to SR Anodyne. I am glad you are attempting to do something about your problem with alcohol.

Unfortunately, someone who is not 'addicted' to alcohol or drugs cannot comprehend how that affects a person. How our DOC (drug of choice) becomes our Master. Mine was King Alcohol, with some King Coke and others thrown in as appetizers.

The only you might suggest, when you talk to her again, that she goes to some Al-anon meetings. There she will learn lots about alcoholism and other things important for her.

Please keep posting and let us know how it goes, and how you are doing, we do care!!!!

Congrats on your 7 days.

Love and (((((to all))))),

CarolD

Congratulations on your sober time!


Welcome to SR

barb dwyer

hi anodyne -

good to see you!

earlybird

She would benefit greatly from Al-anon meetings.....and thusly,....so would your relationship,...but, you must remain sober for YOU,...not her, not your boss, not your Mom or Dad......not your job.....YOU, because, if all those things were no longer in your life.....and you had made any one of them the reason you were sober,....what reason would you have left to remain that way?

Stormtooth

First of all this kind of drama does not do an alcoholic any good. They may think they are helping, or have the best intentions, but in reality it is a very crass and transparent way to manipulate you.

Having experienced this many times, it never had any effect on me except that once I sobered up I was glad to be rid of someone who would say stupid things like: "If you really loved me you'd quit drinking", " It's me or alcohol", or a few other things.

This is a control issue where they think they can give you ultimatums and control you, and can not understand you have an addiction because somehow they think it is about them.

Good ridance.

Anodyne

Thanks for the welcomes and the advice folks.

Stormtooth, I believe she really is just trying to understand, and sad/hurt about some of the things I've done because of my drinking.

Part of when I decided to stop and get help was me deciding to be honest with her about everything (which I should have in the first place, but boy to alcoholics lie a lot). So she gets angry sometimes, but she really is trying. And I did point her to Al-Anon, thanks.

Anna

Yes, alcoholics do lie a lot and it's probably hard for her to deal with the truth all at once. You've been given great adivice. You can't expect your girlfriend to ever really grasp how you feel. You must do this for yourself.

FriendofBill

take a lot longer than a week of sobriety to regain her trust.....you dont know just how broken family members are after being hurt so much by the addictive behavior.

Keep getting sober, do the next right thing by her and others and you will regain the trust.

I'mready99

Welcome Anodyne...

You hit the nail on the head with that paragraph. She is hurt and sad. She is probably like my wife. I've hurt her mentally for so many years that she says things in a huff, a lash out. Then you probably take it personally and lash back. A visious circle...

I would suggest that you just treat her with love and respect and if she asks you about drinking, I wouldn't tell her I quit, I would just say that I'm not drinking today...

Best of luck to you. I hope you and her can get it togeather...

One day at a time.

Steve

Stormtooth

Anodyne,

Thanks for your response.

From reading what i wrote, i guess I am in adifferent place than you about relationships.

I had a long distance relationship, and I say "relationship" here because i think it was more a relationship in my mind than hers, and that my drinking had a great deal to do with why she found someone else, but now i am sober, I am glad she did.

Those are my own issues, and i am sorry if i projected them on other people.