Line from a movie that hit home
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Join Date: Jan 2003
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Line from a movie that hit home
(The movie is "Changing Lanes") The line is from one alcoholic to another: "You know, I don't think that alcohol is your drug of choice. You're addicted to chaos."
This is so true of the two alcoholics in my life (mother and ex-husband). Drunk or sober, their lives are just one chaotic event after another. And if there isn't enough naturally ocurring chaos, they find a way to invent their own. Somewhere along the line, I became an active participant in that chaos. Hey, doesn't every melodrama need the active audience participant who gasps and wails at every tragic event? It took me a LONG time to stop buying tickets to that old, tired show. And I got a lot of resistance from both of the alcoholics in my life when I crossed the line from "dramatic audience participant" to "person who speaks her own mind about her feelings." Up until that point, they made all the rules and I just played along. Imagine their surprise when I wasn't handing them a tissue for their next dramatic outburst. And imagine my surprise when I found out that I had been playing the cheerleader for dysfunctional people all these years and it was lots more fun being my own cheerleader.
Still in the learning curve and
Peace,
Gabe
This is so true of the two alcoholics in my life (mother and ex-husband). Drunk or sober, their lives are just one chaotic event after another. And if there isn't enough naturally ocurring chaos, they find a way to invent their own. Somewhere along the line, I became an active participant in that chaos. Hey, doesn't every melodrama need the active audience participant who gasps and wails at every tragic event? It took me a LONG time to stop buying tickets to that old, tired show. And I got a lot of resistance from both of the alcoholics in my life when I crossed the line from "dramatic audience participant" to "person who speaks her own mind about her feelings." Up until that point, they made all the rules and I just played along. Imagine their surprise when I wasn't handing them a tissue for their next dramatic outburst. And imagine my surprise when I found out that I had been playing the cheerleader for dysfunctional people all these years and it was lots more fun being my own cheerleader.
Still in the learning curve and
Peace,
Gabe
Last edited by Gabe; 03-25-2003 at 05:25 PM.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Gabe
That is so true. Smoke often refers to our need for Drama in our lives, only because we have never lived without it.
My doctor used to tell me that I was an adrenaline addict, that if there was not something crazy happening in my life, I would go out and find it. She was right and didn't even know about codependency yet.
Although we long for peace and serenity, when it happens we sometimes just don't quite know what to do with it. We are like addicts who need to learn how to live clean. We need to learn how to live peacefully.
That is so true. Smoke often refers to our need for Drama in our lives, only because we have never lived without it.
My doctor used to tell me that I was an adrenaline addict, that if there was not something crazy happening in my life, I would go out and find it. She was right and didn't even know about codependency yet.
Although we long for peace and serenity, when it happens we sometimes just don't quite know what to do with it. We are like addicts who need to learn how to live clean. We need to learn how to live peacefully.
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ogdensburg, NY
Posts: 30
Dear Gabe,
I really liked that movie. It is so true that alcoholism and chaos or co-dependency and chaos go hand in hand. It sure is true in my life. From my own family, I learned co-dependency. From my A's family I learned about people that thrive on chaos. It was a foreign concept to me at first but I quickly became their cheerleaders! I actually thought I could make a difference, little did I know that I was just more potential fuel for their chaos. I then learned to distance myself from them emotionally. It took me much longer to learn to detach from my a. I am getting there. I am doing well.
Dancing Queen
I really liked that movie. It is so true that alcoholism and chaos or co-dependency and chaos go hand in hand. It sure is true in my life. From my own family, I learned co-dependency. From my A's family I learned about people that thrive on chaos. It was a foreign concept to me at first but I quickly became their cheerleaders! I actually thought I could make a difference, little did I know that I was just more potential fuel for their chaos. I then learned to distance myself from them emotionally. It took me much longer to learn to detach from my a. I am getting there. I am doing well.
Dancing Queen
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Mt. Clemens, MI
Posts: 26
Chaos anyone, oh you say you don't like it, have no taste for it, well it like you. You've been living with it for awhile now and you said you didn't like it.
The above would be a line from my very own movie about the happening in my life at these very moments. The camera moves in on a woman, me, but she could be a mother in the neighborhood or the woman at work a few cubicles over, she sitting there thinking. She doesn't know if she should cry, be mad, run away, spit it out, or try to swallow. All she knows is that due to her own recovery that chaos can no longer live there with her, chaos can't grow and chaos can no longer take control like it too. Oh there are moments that chaos sneaks to her life, like when she lost her last .75 cents to the pop machine but chaos lost, she had a friend who was more then willing to help her quench her thirst by giving her .75 more cents.
This is how my life is now, trying to survival without the chaos, trying not to cause chaos is the hardest because I have been walking on eggshells for so long now that I don’t really know how to communicate to my A who been in recovery for about 2 months. I know that my need for chaos is holding me up from my own recovery, from my own happiness. As my A moves closer and closer into the life of our son & sometime me, through his own recovery, I’m coming to realize that my A and I don’t see things the same. I begin to wonder if we every will and if not, then what? Chaos over whom is the better parent to our son? My A and I had have very few good time I wonder if we just aren’t meant to be. I know the last sentence is something only I and my HP can work out.
Thanks for letting me get some of this out of my head.
Waiting with you for our next peaceful moments. Keep it true.
The above would be a line from my very own movie about the happening in my life at these very moments. The camera moves in on a woman, me, but she could be a mother in the neighborhood or the woman at work a few cubicles over, she sitting there thinking. She doesn't know if she should cry, be mad, run away, spit it out, or try to swallow. All she knows is that due to her own recovery that chaos can no longer live there with her, chaos can't grow and chaos can no longer take control like it too. Oh there are moments that chaos sneaks to her life, like when she lost her last .75 cents to the pop machine but chaos lost, she had a friend who was more then willing to help her quench her thirst by giving her .75 more cents.
This is how my life is now, trying to survival without the chaos, trying not to cause chaos is the hardest because I have been walking on eggshells for so long now that I don’t really know how to communicate to my A who been in recovery for about 2 months. I know that my need for chaos is holding me up from my own recovery, from my own happiness. As my A moves closer and closer into the life of our son & sometime me, through his own recovery, I’m coming to realize that my A and I don’t see things the same. I begin to wonder if we every will and if not, then what? Chaos over whom is the better parent to our son? My A and I had have very few good time I wonder if we just aren’t meant to be. I know the last sentence is something only I and my HP can work out.
Thanks for letting me get some of this out of my head.
Waiting with you for our next peaceful moments. Keep it true.
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: So California
Posts: 3
Great thread! That was a memorable line from that movie. It also had another one that hit home for me. It was the wife of the alcoholic and she said something like
"I never have problems like this in my life except when I'm in your gravitational field."
People who are living a sober and sane life don't have the chaotic problems usually unless they're interacting with the A.
Pat
"I never have problems like this in my life except when I'm in your gravitational field."
People who are living a sober and sane life don't have the chaotic problems usually unless they're interacting with the A.
Pat
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
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Eyes...your avatar is TOOOOO cute!!!
I pulled that line out of that movie myself when I saw it and it was very true in my life for a long time but no more. Boring thrills me now! Serenity is my goal in life and when that is upset I look for the cause and handle it. Like putting out fires...but I am on the lookout for even the smallest match strike. Much easier to handle!
Hugs,
JT
I pulled that line out of that movie myself when I saw it and it was very true in my life for a long time but no more. Boring thrills me now! Serenity is my goal in life and when that is upset I look for the cause and handle it. Like putting out fires...but I am on the lookout for even the smallest match strike. Much easier to handle!
Hugs,
JT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Pat, thank you for
mentioning the other good line in that movie. That was truly classic. And so damned true of me and my ex-alcoholic husband. Since he has been out of my "gravitational field"...the chaos has diminished somewhat. However, I need to contact NASA, because his orbit seems to keep spinning my way no matter how "out of my life" he is.
Peace,
Gabe
Peace,
Gabe
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