Rose56

Good Morning Friends,
I am hanging in there as life continues to throw spitballs at me. The hardest part about my life is the craziness of it all. Example: Husband calls me yesterday afternoon to tell me that his surgery is scheduled for Friday and that he talked to the doctor and he cannot drink between now and Friday because it may cause excessive bleeding. So I get home from work and he is not there, out drinking.

This is truely a roller coaster ride and I hate roller coasters.

Yesterday a woman that I see in the hallway at work spoke to me in the rest room. She said I was the most pleasant person, that many people walk around the halls looking like they were so miserable. But I am always smiling and have a sunny hello. My first thought was, if you only knew what my life was like. But it really isn't fake, I do like interacting with people and am genuinely happy to see them. You see I want to me happy, and according to Abraham Lincoln, that is half the battle.

I continue to struggle with how to interact with my husband and how to make this life work for me. I know there is a way because I see you all making progress and making your lives work. I often wish I was further along than I am, but fr today I have to accept that I am "in between". I am resisting feeling that there is something wrong with me that I am moving so slowly when many of you are changing your life for the better. But that is my old thinking - NOT TRUE! Thanks for listening.

smoke gets in my eyes

Good Mornin' Rose!

Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute... are you really unaware of all the progress you have made? Go back and search for some of your early posts. I do it all the time. It makes me feel better when I've done something "unrecovered". Speaking personally, one of the reasons I hang out here is I just plain like the company, but other reasons are that I need help holding firm to the recovery I've got, and I have more to go. I didn't acquire all my bad habits in couple of years, and it's a lot to expect they're going to vanish that fast.

Would it make you feel better if some of us fessed up to the most unrecovered thing we did recently? We could call it an Easter Egg Hunt. That's timely. Anybody who feels like they "laid an egg" in their program... confess! If you then took steps to correct yourself, that's good to hear, too. LOL... we could call them rotten eggs and golden eggs... scrambled, fried, poached, pickled....

My rotten egg: :p I had a fight with Dino in the car this morning. He wasn't there. I told him all the things he needs to be doing, imagined his negative response and then yelled at him for it. It was embarrassing to see people at the stoplight looking into my car to see who I was talking to. One guy looked rattled and drove off really fast when the light turned. I wonder if I reminded him of someone.

Scrambled egg: Reminded myself that there are things I need to be doing myself and made a little list. Have acheived 2... one of which was starting the list.

Golden Egg? Gonna finish that list by the end of the day and refer to it whenever I have good ideas for someone else. I may need a lot of paper.

Practice, not perfection Rosie! You are doing great, and you don't need to compare your recovery program to anyone else's. But if you must... just know that nobody else is perfect either.

Hugs!
Smoke

JT

Now Rose...do I have to get the skillet? Do I have to make you write down your own list of things you have accomplished? How about a list of good qualities? Smoke is right and I admire you so much. You remind me of me...wanting so badly to get it right that I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. But one day I looked around and...damn...I had moved a few feet forward! I was not an easy convert...I am too bullheaded and I am always questioning.

Rotten egg: I let my son live at home recently and he used 3 times that I know of before I told him he had to leave. Plus he stole Wards truck. And if the truth be told I never told him to get out. I said everything but and he got the point. He even confronted me "If you want me to get out say so" and I couldn't say the words. I kept saying "This isn't working" "You knew the rules" "You made your choice" I have a hard time saying what I mean.

Scrambled egg: I know I have to learn to say what I mean with compassion but when it comes to him it comes out in anger so I have compensated by saying nothing. By beating around the bush. Manipulating. I had a huge problem with a now x-friend too. My part? Not saying what I meant...when I finally had enough I blew...maybe it could have been avoided.

Golden egg: Practice saying what I mean with someone other than Ward. There I don't have a problem. Be aware throughout the day when I fail to say what I mean and review. Practice what I could have said. Write it down. I remember better when I have written things down.

There are no caps and gowns in recovery!

Hugs,
JT



None of us ever graduates, Rose!

Rose56

Thank you guys, I am feeling a bit better this morning. But I do have a problem.

Please pray for my cat Sylvester. He is missing. We don't let our cats outside, but we have had the windows open in the last few days(my daughter opened her windows without screens) and now he is missing. We didn't even realize it for a while. Please pray that he is safe and will come back to us. He is 13 yrs and my favorite. thanks