Leaving the nightmare behind
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: TN
Posts: 21
Leaving the nightmare behind
I finally found a copy of "Codependent no more" (Hurray!!!). I've only read a little, but it got me thinking about how my life has changed since I left. I am much less stressed out and life is oh so much calmer. I still cry a lot but it's more about the loss of my hopes and dreams and less about him. I am a worrier by nature, but I worry much less now. I'm not frantic and scared all the time. I still think about him every day. Sometimes happy thoughts, other times bad memories hitting me almost like a flashback but I suppose that is part of healing. Strangely though, the biggest change for me are the things I dream about at night.
You see I used to have these two recurring dreams. In one everyone around me was drinking posion from this cup that they knew would kill them. I would beg and plead for them not to take that sip, but they always did. The dream would end with me on my knees, weeping and wailing, while I held the lifeless body of some stranger. Sometimes I would even wake myself or him because I would actually be sobbing out loud.
In the other dream I would always be walking through this giant house. It was dark and full of strange passageways and there was this evil thing following me. I was always bent over like an old woman and every single step wracked my body in pain and my legs were so heavy I could barely move them but I had to keep going so the thing behind me would not reach me. The next day my back and legs would be so sore I could barely even climb the stairs.
I had these dreams multiple times every week for years, but I have not had either of them since the day I walked out (knock on wood!). I struggled with years to understand these nightmares and now the meaning and the reasons behind them is absolutely crystal clear. The fact that I couldn't figure it out until now really makes me see how sick and confused I had become living with and trying to control his alcoholism. In my sleep I could clearly see what was happening to both of us. Why then did it take so long for me to see it in the light of day?
You see I used to have these two recurring dreams. In one everyone around me was drinking posion from this cup that they knew would kill them. I would beg and plead for them not to take that sip, but they always did. The dream would end with me on my knees, weeping and wailing, while I held the lifeless body of some stranger. Sometimes I would even wake myself or him because I would actually be sobbing out loud.
In the other dream I would always be walking through this giant house. It was dark and full of strange passageways and there was this evil thing following me. I was always bent over like an old woman and every single step wracked my body in pain and my legs were so heavy I could barely move them but I had to keep going so the thing behind me would not reach me. The next day my back and legs would be so sore I could barely even climb the stairs.
I had these dreams multiple times every week for years, but I have not had either of them since the day I walked out (knock on wood!). I struggled with years to understand these nightmares and now the meaning and the reasons behind them is absolutely crystal clear. The fact that I couldn't figure it out until now really makes me see how sick and confused I had become living with and trying to control his alcoholism. In my sleep I could clearly see what was happening to both of us. Why then did it take so long for me to see it in the light of day?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 8
That's amazing after you left you quit having them. When you think about it, the position an A puts someone in particularily the SO, is ridiculous. I know when my AH is later than normal, or doesn't let us know anything we automatically think he's gotten another DWI. And that's been almost 5 yrs.
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