rahunter78

I need advice. My husband and I (we're both 28 ) have been married for a little over a year now and we've been together for two years, and have been friends since we were 15. I knew when we married that he comes from a family of drug abusers/alcoholics including his mother and father. He had a very messed up childhood, but we've also been friends for 12 years and I married him because he made me happy and was my best friend. We were up until recently living a normal life, he worked, I worked, we are married, we have a 7 month old daughter...we went to bed every night at 10 pm, watched movies, cooked dinner...I thought the only thing he did was drink beer occasionally.
This last weekend my husband almost died in his sleep. If I hadn't woken up and called 911 he would be dead now. I had no idea what was happening or why he wouldn't wake up, and now it has come to light that he had mixed xanax, methadone, and hydrocodone. He had been hiding a drug addiction from me for over a year and apparently it started right before we got married. He said it had nothing to do with us, and after being discharged from the hospital he is now seeking treatment and help in Texas and knows he has a problem. My girlfriends are telling me to leave him, but he is my husband and I love him and don't want to divorce. He says he has never been scared to stop but after almost dying he is scared to death (no pun intended) of putting any more poison in his body. I want to believe him but I'm scared he will relapse. Is there any hope to save our marriage? Or should I just be safe and walk away now? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Anna

Hi rahunter,

Welcome, I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry for your difficult situation.

You might check out the Friends and Families forums on this board. You'll find lots of support there.

rahunter78

thank you.

liiise

when in doubt, no nothing, see how commited he is to getting clean ect... just wait and see, time will tell, my prayers are with you... Lise

sarah nicole

my signifigant other likes that same mixture, minus the hydrocodon. the only thing you can do is wait. I understand what you are going through, you are not alone but you may feel that way. One word of advice i can give you is to make consequences--if there is nothing besides the prospect of death which is a prospect everytime you do a drug, he might not have had enough negative consequences to disuade him. Sometimes it comes down to saving yourself, and your little girl(my baby girl just turned 3 1/2 months this week)

Jwife22

Hi rahunter---I am also young, been married for about 2 years. My husband is my addict and his addiction started shortly after we got married. He is addicted to xanax. He's been clean for a while and relapsed, been clean and relapsed again. It happens.

What I found out is that NOTHING I do will change whether or not he relapses again. What I do know is that I can change myself. I can change my reactions, I can change how I respond to him. It may not help him, but it sure does help me. It makes my life A LOT easier.

I have a problem just as he has an addiction problem. My problem is codependency. I was addicted to my addict. I was letting HIS addiction control MY life. It shouldn't be that way.

Then I started to set boundaries. I started to protect myself. He has no access to our checking account. He will not stay in my home if he is on drugs. He will not drive one of our cars if he is high. I will not have a conversation with him if he is using.

Once I started setting these boundaries, he started working on himself. He got himself to a therapist, attends NA meetings, works his own program. I honestly don't think he would have done these things as long as I was there allowing him to do whatever he wanted to do, including using.

Just know that you didn't cause, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. It will be his responsibility.

Also, we call them "earthies" in the Family and Friends forum. Those friends outside your situation are just that, outside. They don't know the whole story. They don't run your life. I am sure they say what they say out of love but they need to respect the fact that you choose to stay with your addict if that's what you want.

Everyone has to reach their bottom, not only the addict. I was literally going insane when I reached mine. I was ready to get into my car and drive until I ran out of gas and not look back. I was a mess. The good thing about reaching your bottom is that you can start climbing back up from there.

Well, this is getting longwinded. Please come down and join us in the Family and Friends of Substance Abusers. There are some great folks down there who have a whole lot of experience, strength and hope to share. Also, if you have naranon meetings in your area, they are a great place to go.

Hope to see you soon.