IndigoNA

I was chatting with him last night, this is the chat log. I know I'm right, but my problem is that now the only group of people that go to AA and that are of my similar age are against me taking meds. So I'm sure they won't be to fond of me when I'm around.

I've decided not to be a people pleaser anymore and don't try to be someone else, or do something just to get accepted. So read on, let me know your thoughts. I feel more vulnerable now than I did a couple of weeks.

I talk to him because he has showed support, a little bit at least, when I was new here in college. But why do they want to manage my life? Isn't AA only a suggestion? They are not suggesting, they're imposing. Plus they're trying to make me feel like **** and telling me that I will go back to drink if I don't stop taking Prozac. Doesn't it say in the Big Book that you have to carry the message not the alcoholic? Well even if I was wrong, why are they trying to carry me around? Ego-Trip? AA Fanaticism. I feel like I'm being preached by those guys that know the Bible by hard...

(2:40 AM) Grand Sponsor: well here is what you are going to do
(2:40 AM) Grand Sponsor: you are going to go talk to that doctor lady
(2:40 AM) Grand Sponsor: call her and make a apointment
(2:41 AM) Grand Sponsor: an tell her that you dont have anxiety / depression anymore
(2:41 AM) - Indigo: well... but I don't have it anymore because I'm on the medication...
(2:41 AM) - Indigo: if I get off of it I will have it back
(2:41 AM) Grand Sponsor: do you trust God
(2:42 AM) - Indigo: yeah, but even if I had AIDS and I trusted God he wouldn't cure me of AIDS
(2:42 AM) Grand Sponsor: read step 2
(2:42 AM) - Indigo: so you don't believe that Anxiety / Depression is an illness ?
(2:42 AM) - Indigo: Alcohol is but a symptom of deeper underlying problems
(2:42 AM) - Indigo: which problems?
(2:42 AM) - Indigo: depression, anxiety, etc
(2:43 AM) Grand Sponsor: I have seen so many drunks try to fix their drinking problem with pills
(2:43 AM) Grand Sponsor: and most of the go out and drink again when the pills dont fix their problems
(2:44 AM) Grand Sponsor: so they keep eating pills and drink
(2:44 AM) Grand Sponsor: and then they get more pills
(2:44 AM) Grand Sponsor: and they sober up
(2:44 AM) Grand Sponsor: and they get pills for the bipolar problem
(2:44 AM) Grand Sponsor: and it goes on and on
(2:44 AM) - Indigo: dude, I coouldnt sleep, I was feeling like ****, I was even suicidal... I won't make the appointment because I won't get off them
(2:45 AM) Grand Sponsor: so she told you that you will have to be on them forever or are you playing doctoe now
(2:46 AM) - Indigo: Anxiety / Depression is an illness... like I said God won't cure you from AIDS
(2:46 AM) Grand Sponsor: 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
(2:46 AM) - Indigo: no she didn't say forever
(2:46 AM) Grand Sponsor: do you belive the second step
(2:46 AM) - Indigo: she said any time frame... it coould be forever, it coould be for X amount of time
(2:48 AM) - Indigo: yeah I believe in the second step, I believe that God can manifest through science/medicine, I believe that I have a depression problem, and I believe that if I get off the medicine it will come back at least for now and it won't go away no matter how much I pray...
(2:48 AM) - Indigo: You can't imagine how insane I was going without it... I was about to use to many times
(2:48 AM) Grand Sponsor: I was not asking you about prayers
(2:49 AM) - Indigo: all I thought was about drugs/getting ****** up
(2:49 AM) - Indigo: now I feel much better
(2:49 AM) Grand Sponsor: so then you dont need AA?
(2:50 AM) - Indigo: yes I do
(2:51 AM) - Indigo: because adiction is a Psychological, Sociological, Biological, Spiritual problem
(2:51 AM) - Indigo: not only psychological
(2:51 AM) - Indigo: if it were medication would do it
(2:52 AM) Grand Sponsor: its good that you can teach me all this new stuff about beeing sober.......

(2:52 AM) - Indigo: huh ?
(2:52 AM) Grand Sponsor: all I am saying is that I have heard it ALL before
(2:53 AM) Grand Sponsor: and usually from those who are on their way to drink again
(2:55 AM) Grand Sponsor: and have taken back step one
(2:56 AM) - Indigo: well
(2:56 AM) - Indigo: but for me it's not open to discussion if I will or will not continue on it.. I have made up my decision already and have gone over it with my sponsor
(2:58 AM) Grand Sponsor: now when you say not open for dicussion what do you mean, I am talking to you about the bigbook and sobriety
(2:59 AM) Grand Sponsor: but if you dont want to talk about that
(2:59 AM) - Indigo: I'm not talking about the bigboos/sobriety... I'm talking about prozac
(3:00 AM) - Indigo: book*
(3:02 AM) Grand Sponsor: well thats good for you, but I was talking about tha book and AA
(3:02 AM) Grand Sponsor: and it looks like you are pretty settinn your ways
(3:02 AM) - Indigo: psychiatry and AA are two different things
(3:03 AM) Grand Sponsor: sure Indigo
(3:04 AM) Grand Sponsor: if you belive that
(3:04 AM) Grand Sponsor: and think it will keep you sober
(3:04 AM) Grand Sponsor: good luck
(3:08 AM) - Indigo: well I'm off to bed
(3:08 AM) - Indigo: later

German69

Hmmm, I wouldn't like a sponsor like that any time. Sponsors are not supposed to give medical advice unless they are M.D.s which this guy didn't sound like. If your medical doctor diagnosed you with depression and anxiety, you have every reason to be on those meds. Getting better in the depression department might help you stay away from the booze. Once you feel better for quite some time, your doc might decide to slowly wean you off of the meds. If you don't feel comfortable with this group, you might have to look elsewhere. I wouldn't want to be judged by any sponsor or any other alcoholic. Let God do the judging.
Good luck!

Ngokpa

Some treat AA as a drug. Addicts will turn anything into a drug. Some were told chapter and verse how to do everything in their lives. Some people need that.

I became a Buddhist, because that's what inspired me. There are a lot of meetings I don't go to because a lot of people will be more AA than thou. But the real problem is the old buttons that get pushed, being an outsider and terminally unique. I've had to work with that. AA is a good resource for some things, and some meetings are better than others, but I've had to balance it out with other resources such as Alanon, therapy, and my spiritual community.

Sometimes I'm jeolous of those who seem to fit in better and have a better sense of community, but I know that's nuts, because everybody's insecure, and we either deal with it or we don't.

Dealing with it is better.

Jersey Nonny

Indigo...my suggestion to you is to avoid these conversations with your sponsor's sponsor (that expression Grand Sponsor is a fairly new NA thing...it may have been adopted by AA; but, it started in NA). You know what he thinks, so why leave yourself open to more agitation? Are you a glutton for punishment? And, now you know where your sponsor got his "information"...I think I mentioned in another thread that it probably came from his sponsor.

You really should find yourself another sponsor (even a temporary one), stay away from either of these guys, find other meetings where you won't be running into them...above all, don't drink; but, stay on your meds until your doctor weans you off of them!

The sanity referred to in the 2nd Step has to do with ALCOHOL. We were insane when we used it, insane because we used it; and a Higher Power will restore us to the sanity we enjoyed before we abused alcohol. Do you believe a power greater than yourself is helping you to stay sober (whether it be God, AA/NA, Sober Recovery, or any other source of support)? It must have happened with help outside of yourself, because you certainly weren't able to do it alone...none of us can.

ladybugmarz

Only you know what the meds do for you...be honest with yourself and do what is good for your peticular situation...maybe months from now you can get off them can you'll be stronger, do what's best for you NOW, today...

The best to you and yours, Marz

laurie6781

Indigo I am in total agreement with Raerob. Some may disagree with me, but please find yourself a new sponsor.

That is absolutely ridiculous. No one, who is not your doctor has the right to tell you to get off your medication. Step 2 has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with following a doctor's orders. I am appaulled (sp?) at what is happening with this sponsor of yours and his sponsor. That is not the way I was taught to sponsor and that is certainly not the way I have sponsored these last 25 years or so.

Please stay on your meds and find another sponsor. You need not subject yourself to those kind of conversations that cause you great agitation. Sheeeesssssshhhhhhh.

When they first wrote the Big Book they made sure to put in there that WE ARE NOT DOCTORS and sometimes outside assistance may be needed. Those 100+ back then knew that AA was not the "cure-all."

I know you have said you live in a fairly small town with limited meetings. Any chance that within a 60 mile radius or so there are some other towns with some meetings that you could attend? That would certainly expand the availability of members, one of which might become your sponsor.

J M H O

In the meantime, please keep posting here about how you are doing, we do care!!!!

Love and hugs,

IndigoNA

I'm supposed to go with them this weekend to a round-up. I'm having second thoughts about it.

Mongo

Indigo, what little I know about AA I've learned on these forums.

The AA people I've grown to respect here would never have advised the things that were said on that chat conversation. Since I've never been to a meeting, I don't know if it's a typical thing or not, but frankly it alarms me.

I don't think I would ever be talking to this Grand Poobah again, and would be looking for a different sponser.

As a non-member of AA I hope that I have the right to voice this concern.

Keep well

Ron

scootinbabe

i'm in aa and almost everyone in my two women's groups is on some type of anti-depressant. you might not need the antidepressant forever, but if your doctor thinks you need it. take it. i've been on antidepressants for 4 years before i quit drinking and i was advised to keep taking it now that i've stopped.

go with your heart and gut. you know what you need.

then, drop the subject for discussion with people who are unsupportive of you. it's between you and your m.d.

StrongR2Day

I have to agree with the others, we are not doctors. I can't quote the BB verbatim, but it does say there are times when we need to seek outside help, including psychiatrists.

Just don't blame the fellowship itself, when it's just a few misguided souls. Not that you would, it's just that some people stay away from meetings when this type of thing happens, which serves no one. I take an antidepressant, and rarely talk about it at meetings, or even with my sponsor, because I've allowed myself to be confused by the topic in the past by unhealthy suggestions by well meaning recovery friends.

I will share a story I always keep in mind. A blind woman was walking out of church, when a man told her, if she had enough faith, she could see again. The woman cracked him upside the head with her cane, and said, if you had enough faith, that wouldn't hurt.

I think that pretty much sums it up.

IndigoNA

HAHAHAHA great story.

If I had cancer no matter how much faith I had I wouldn't stop taking chemotherapy.

If I had AIDS no matter how much faith I had I wouldn't stop taking my meds.

God forbid.

Peace.

I appreciate your support.

IndigoNA

Ahhhh one more thing. God is great. He listens to me. I was going to the gym praying I found someone who I could talk to. When I go into the cardio section I see a really cool AA guy that I had seen in meetings before who I hadn't seen in a while an we chatted for a good while, gave me support.

I repeat God is great, I'm fond of him, "coincidences" like this couldn't happen if he didn't exist.

God is great.

Peace.

Found

The Twelve Traditions don't allow of a pyramid system.
Conference approved literature strongly urges all to continue taking prescribed medicine except by arrangement with their doctors.
These self-appointed numskulls are out of line, not you.
Hoping you can find enough genuine AA/NA near enough to where you live.
Oh and we put principles before personalities.