SO scared, so vulnerable, so hopeful
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 28
SO scared, so vulnerable, so hopeful
Wow -- the thing I almost didn't dare hope for has happened -- my husband is in AA. It is day 6, and he will be going to meeting #6 tonight. It came to the point where I told him I was leaving if he didn't enter recovery -- (and I was fully prepared for that to be the result -- my leaving.)
He interviewed at a rehab place that recommended 4 weeks inpatient treatment, but decided he'd like to give AA a try first (it makes sense, since he wouldn't be able to get a paid leave from work, nor can we afford the rehab, and we are already in debt)-- and he is giving it a real, honest try -- he studies the literature, calls his sponsor, he's keeping a recovery journal.
Me, I'm absolutely scared to death!!!!!!!!!!! All the emotion that I had so effectively walled off for so long, all the vulnerability and fear and anxiety are all rushing to the forefront. I see the man I love, the man I thought I married -- and I haven't seen him in so long. All the love is overwhelming, and I feel so scared of losing it again.
I've found two alanon meetings that I can fit in my crazy schedule, so I will be going this week.
I'm so scared of hope -- it feels so dangerous. I am identifying the co-dependent patterns that have run through pretty much all my relationships, starting at home (not an alcoholic home, but a very enmeshed and unhealthy one) -- WHOP! That knowledge felt like a brick falling on my head and straight into my stomach!!!!
Just wanted some support and to share my experience. I'm going to start doing the alanon reading, and try to get to meetings when I can, too.
Thanks for letting me share this
He interviewed at a rehab place that recommended 4 weeks inpatient treatment, but decided he'd like to give AA a try first (it makes sense, since he wouldn't be able to get a paid leave from work, nor can we afford the rehab, and we are already in debt)-- and he is giving it a real, honest try -- he studies the literature, calls his sponsor, he's keeping a recovery journal.
Me, I'm absolutely scared to death!!!!!!!!!!! All the emotion that I had so effectively walled off for so long, all the vulnerability and fear and anxiety are all rushing to the forefront. I see the man I love, the man I thought I married -- and I haven't seen him in so long. All the love is overwhelming, and I feel so scared of losing it again.
I've found two alanon meetings that I can fit in my crazy schedule, so I will be going this week.
I'm so scared of hope -- it feels so dangerous. I am identifying the co-dependent patterns that have run through pretty much all my relationships, starting at home (not an alcoholic home, but a very enmeshed and unhealthy one) -- WHOP! That knowledge felt like a brick falling on my head and straight into my stomach!!!!
Just wanted some support and to share my experience. I'm going to start doing the alanon reading, and try to get to meetings when I can, too.
Thanks for letting me share this
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: reality
Posts: 156
I'm new here too, just wanted to say hello.
I went to my first al-anon meeting last night. Admittedly, depressing to spend friday night at al-anon instead of some romantic restaurant...but I felt a lot better afterwards that I had actually done something active in all this.
I hope it works out for you.
I went to my first al-anon meeting last night. Admittedly, depressing to spend friday night at al-anon instead of some romantic restaurant...but I felt a lot better afterwards that I had actually done something active in all this.
I hope it works out for you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
good evening bit
al-anon is a wonderful starting point. i've been a grateful member for two years now.
in my case, xah just could not make it work for himself......but for the first round of rehabs for him, i was always so hopeful....in fact, was down right certain, that this time in rehab was the magic bullet. it never was.
i learned the hard way not to bet the rent on the outcome. what i did learn was to concentrate on my own recovery. therin, lies the return of my own sanity.
some make it, some don't. it sounds as if he still isn't willing to do what the experts suggest....by making excuses why he couldn't do the in-patient rehab....for one thing, there are countless agencies that foot most of the bill for the treatment.
but you see, that is his deal. you have your own deal to work on....and you are doing great by going to al-anon.
blessings
jeri
al-anon is a wonderful starting point. i've been a grateful member for two years now.
in my case, xah just could not make it work for himself......but for the first round of rehabs for him, i was always so hopeful....in fact, was down right certain, that this time in rehab was the magic bullet. it never was.
i learned the hard way not to bet the rent on the outcome. what i did learn was to concentrate on my own recovery. therin, lies the return of my own sanity.
some make it, some don't. it sounds as if he still isn't willing to do what the experts suggest....by making excuses why he couldn't do the in-patient rehab....for one thing, there are countless agencies that foot most of the bill for the treatment.
but you see, that is his deal. you have your own deal to work on....and you are doing great by going to al-anon.
blessings
jeri
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
lil'bit... say'n hey to ya... and a welcome too
lil, in my case... the active alky, and inactive trying it their way after repeated atempts is a bomb waiting to explode in your face... one is dead, the other... soon to be...
lil, jeri expressed it in a way that i can relate to...
i hope you do also...
work on you, and if hubby makes it... its a bonus...
lil, you can, and will be ok...
good wishes to ya both........................ xxoo, rz
lil, in my case... the active alky, and inactive trying it their way after repeated atempts is a bomb waiting to explode in your face... one is dead, the other... soon to be...
lil, jeri expressed it in a way that i can relate to...
i hope you do also...
work on you, and if hubby makes it... its a bonus...
lil, you can, and will be ok...
good wishes to ya both........................ xxoo, rz
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: SF, CA
Posts: 28
Thanks for the replies.
Jeri -- I wouldn't have stayed if he had truly been "doing it his own way" -- I told him I was leaving if he didn't enter **recovery of some kind.*** AA definitely counts as recovery.
(We honestly would be in deep trouble financially if he had to take a month or more off work, unpaid -- he's the main breadwinner at the moment, and my income would barely cover the rent, let alone any bills....we have NO savings.) I agreed that AA would be a good place to start, and if that didn't work, we'd do whatever it took to manage the rehab...
He's at meeting #7 right now -- he's doing 90 meetings in 90 days, or at least that is the plan. -- He seems to be getting a lot out of going -- he calls his sponsor every morning, and reads the Big Book at night -- he's been sharing some of what he's learning, too. So far he's been completely sober for 1 week as of tomorrow. He's also been hanging out with a former colleague of his who has been sober for about 15 years and talking to her -- (lovely person, friendly to both of us, and I totally support his doing this.)
I found two al-anon meetings that will work with my schedule -- one on Wed, and one on Friday.
He's not having as hard a time of it as I thought he would (or as hard as he expected, either.) I hope this bodes well for him sticking it out....
I think the holidays will probably be something of a challenge, since his whole family drinks -- but we'll take that as it comes.
Bottom line, if he doesn't stay the course with this, I'm leaving the marriage -- I deserve more from life than I was getting, and it was killing me to watch him drink himself into destruction.
Jeri -- I wouldn't have stayed if he had truly been "doing it his own way" -- I told him I was leaving if he didn't enter **recovery of some kind.*** AA definitely counts as recovery.
(We honestly would be in deep trouble financially if he had to take a month or more off work, unpaid -- he's the main breadwinner at the moment, and my income would barely cover the rent, let alone any bills....we have NO savings.) I agreed that AA would be a good place to start, and if that didn't work, we'd do whatever it took to manage the rehab...
He's at meeting #7 right now -- he's doing 90 meetings in 90 days, or at least that is the plan. -- He seems to be getting a lot out of going -- he calls his sponsor every morning, and reads the Big Book at night -- he's been sharing some of what he's learning, too. So far he's been completely sober for 1 week as of tomorrow. He's also been hanging out with a former colleague of his who has been sober for about 15 years and talking to her -- (lovely person, friendly to both of us, and I totally support his doing this.)
I found two al-anon meetings that will work with my schedule -- one on Wed, and one on Friday.
He's not having as hard a time of it as I thought he would (or as hard as he expected, either.) I hope this bodes well for him sticking it out....
I think the holidays will probably be something of a challenge, since his whole family drinks -- but we'll take that as it comes.
Bottom line, if he doesn't stay the course with this, I'm leaving the marriage -- I deserve more from life than I was getting, and it was killing me to watch him drink himself into destruction.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
