Serenity_Seeker

My son, Luke, age 24, will be released from a Therapeutic Justice Center, within the next 3 weeks. DOC, meth! He will have spent 6 months at the center, and 6 months in jail, consecutively, no bail out.

We have recently purchased a new computer. I am thinking that I MAY hook it up in Luke's room....but???

When he was living here before, he would use our computer. I KNOW he would view porn, but he did not download it on the computer.....

So, the title of my post is my concern....as far as recovery....would it be best ,NOT, to give him access to his personal computer....as far as RECOVERY is concerned....no judgement call here!

Or...would it be best NOT to have the distraction....as far as recovery is concerned?

Thanks!

Ngokpa

Well, on the one hand, it's your computer. But as far as cross addictions go, some are to be expected. If it's not a drink or drug, one of the addictions that require abstinence, it's not a big deal unless things get out of hand.

I think his sexuality is his business. The important thing is that he doesn't isolate and is actively involved in his recovery. Not too many are nominated for sainthood in their first year.

1day

Hey Lena,

For what is worth, the policy in my house is that everyone has access to our 2 family computers (my wife and I have 4 children, all under the age of majority) BUT the computers are in the common areas in our house...one in the kitchen and one in the den. We simply will not allow anyone to have a computer in the "privacy" of their own room, my wife and I included.

I get that he is 24 and can make his own decisions, but then you should let him acquire his own computer in order to do so.

Stay well!

Serenity_Seeker

Ngokpa,
Thank you for responding!

That is what I was getting at, "judgement" of the activity aside, I was wondering about the downside of having a computer in his room, this is now a "spare PC",....from a recovery aspect.
I thought perhaps other Mothers, OR JUST ANYONE RECOVERING. has /had a similar situation.

Serenity_Seeker

1DAY,
Thank you, also, for your comments on this matter.

MY computer is in plain view!

I "get" what you are saying.....I believe my concern would be the same...even if he lived in an apartment by himself....instead of his bedroom, upstairs.

My main concern was what effect the pc MAY have, on his recovery.

But I do not understand, how, him acquiring his own pc, would change the dynamics of my concern.

Maverick

In my opinon You should make sure that the support of family and providing a good environment is the main priority. He shouldn't feel the need to be in front of computer all day. hopefully he himself will limit that time. but a reasonable amout of time is expected. There are some positive things with the computer. This site for example. About the Porn a male his age is often drawn to this, especially if he has been in jail 6 months just watch out for obsession with it

Serenity_Seeker

Thanks Maverick!

You make very good points...in your post. The two concerns I have are: obsession and isolation.

I suppose I could start out with him using my pc....then after watching his "habits", decide if the time is right for sitting up the other pc.

Hopefloats

Hey Lena....sometimes they let me out at night! LOL

I don't think hun you need to be watching Luke's habits. I think this responsibility is soley with Luke. I do. And you know I say that with love. Lena..he is going to do what he is going to do. We can go just as crazy with them having a phone in their room. You know, wondering just WHO they may be calling.

My question to you is what are "you" comfortable with. Those are the questions that I had to ask myself when my daughter stayed with me for a while. My answers had to be geared towards protecting MY recovery. Only she could take care of hers.

I know you will make the best choice for you, and remember...the wonderful thing about life? If something does not work out? We can always change our minds.

With or without that computer, Luke will find a way to either do what is good for him....or not my friend.

I will be interested in seeing what Mark has to say. This is just my honest feeling on the matter and a dash of experience thrown in.

Hopefloats

Ten Chips Down

Lena,

Greetings and salutes.

I'm with Hopefloats ohh, roughly 300% on this. Your son is a man. And I'm not going to sugar-coat this: The man, once free, is going to do what he damned well wants to do.

He's living in your house, yet if you try and control him where he doesn't want those apron strings, he will act on a couple of a myriad of options which any adult has, the two most predictable being:

a) Rebel and resent
b) Find a way to do what is his right under that law

I am sorry for this post not being of a more "warm and fuzzy" tone, but I'm way more concerned with YOUR determination to "see him remain" on the path to recovery.

My dear - that is all down to his prerogative; his responsibility. Even his business, and no one elses.

Best,
Ten

Serenity_Seeker

Hope,

You know, I suppose I am, already, "tip toeing" around here...and he isn't even home!

You are correct about me "watching" him....thanks for the reminder!


Ten chips down:

You can get in a few licks, with the skillet...when Hope is done!

You know....sometimes, I forget that he is an adult. It seems that I may be "stuck" ,BEFORE, the drug use. Where has the time gone??

I am going to hook up the computer....put a link to this site....the rest is up to him!

Hopefloats

Lena....Aaaah my pots and pans are so God-awful dented from hitting myself with them, that I just cannot whack you dear one.

Listen, you are venturing into a situation that does not come with a handbook. It is just my opinion that we use our recovery tools, and we do the very best we can. Trust me, I have goofed BIG time and that is okay. When we know better we do better. No judging from this woman. Just a whole lotta prayers for your peace and serenity and that I will gladly GIVE you

You are a wonderful mom Lena...Just keep doing the best that you can. Oh and keep my updates coming...
(((LUKE))))((((LENA)))))

Ann

Lena, my thoughts are "your house, your computer, your rules". If they don't suit your son, he is "free' to live anywhere else he chooses and I know you will love him just as much. Put the computer wherever YOU feel comfortable with it being....regardless of your reasons.

Something I learned with my own "adult" son, and that was that I could allow this whole codie/addict thing make me analyze every move I made, when the simple truth was that I get to live my life any way that is comfortable and happy for me. You have no idea how many years it took for me to discover that. And how others, including my son, felt about it was entirely their problem.

Just be the best person you know how to be, do what is right for you and stay true to yourself, and let the rest of the world figure out whether they care to join you or not.

Just my thoughts.

Hugs
Ann

Serenity_Seeker

Yep, Ann, that's it!


After rereading my post...it is somewhat vague!

I have MY new computer downstairs. I was going to hookup the old one in Luke's room.

Bottomline....it really doesn't bother me...what He chooses to look at.
I just wondered how common it is to startup another "addiction???

He is an adult! He is an adult! He is an adult!

I have decided to put the computer in his room...and then pray that he uses the link, I will add, to this site!



Here I am...fretting about the computer....

I received a letter from him today, asking if I thought we could get a Playstation 2!

He's a kid! He's a kid! He's a kid!

Ten Chips Down

LOL, you're too cute. No, don't suffer the kid with a PS2; the PlayStation 3 makes its debut November 17 - tomorrow.

Just go all out and go broke (it's $599).

Ten Chips Down

Well I still can, it looks so fun and beside she PROMISED!!! And, and PLUS! I got a turkey drumstick!! Woot!


LOL... LOL Nah - kidding aside, some SOMEONE tell me what in hell this little dude is doing? --> :firefight

i swear, i can't fig're it for the life of me. LOL

Ten Chips Down

I he is on medication do you think?

MarkSichelCSW

The issue is not whether you should let your 24 year old son use a computer; the issue is you need help with your co-addiction and you need help treating him like an adult who is recoverying from a dealy illness not like a child who needs choices such as computer time made for them. Please get yourself to NarcotAnon or AlAnon so you can learn how to best help your son recover from this very deadly illness.

Serenity_Seeker

Mark,
Thank you for YOUR opinion.

The issue, FOR ME, was not actually, his use of the computer....I was, more to the point...asking about the "occurance", or not?, of "trading one addiction for another" in recovering addicts????
I would "assume" this trade-off could, just as easily, apply to food....picking your nose, etc.????


As far as the "computer time".... Ngokpas' reply of:

....is exactly the, HELPFUL, advice I was trying to elicit!

THE KING

here is a question I want to ask the original poster, would you rather he be addicted to internet porn or drugs?

internet porn will not kill him

drugs will

there is your answer

Serenity_Seeker

KING,
Thank you for your response!
I see your point about death and drugs.....

I was not actually adressing the "drug addiction" because until I see differently, I choose to believe that his "recovery" will continue.

I, basically, was adressing, whether "recovering addicts, more than likely, "take-on" another addiction.

My son, relayed, to me that when he first entered the facility, it seemed as though, some of the residents were "addicted" to "trading food". This process started before they would eat.

Porn addiction, does not, literally, take your life, as in death....
but it can be a "destroyer" of the porn addicts' life and their familys' life.

Porn addiction is becoming an epidemic....and.... like the drug epidemic...will have to be reckoned with!