MySecret

Any experience or advise would be much appreicated, A hubby has been doing quite well, 28 days since his last relapse, about 3months since dettox, he seeng councilor and getting a grip on things, still early days. He left job which was quite stressful for him being out of work for 6 weeks at home..Now he has a new job which he loves and is happy but its a real boys enviorment, they know he doesnt drink he has told them he cant drink due to illness but I think some suspect to be honest, anyhow christmas party coming up, big booze up, gambling casino put on etc, he is worried not so much that he will drink but that he will feel like a spare part and he would rather not go obviously but knows that this is part of life and doesnt want to not go, I suggested going for the meal then making his excuses but what are other experiences of festive times when very recently coming to terms with being an Alcoholic.

Thanks x

denny57

Has he talked to his councilor about it? If he isn't worried so much that he will drink, who's to say what is in the glass he is carrying around?

I'm not in your situation, but I've thought about this - life with an addict had me seeing things through an alcohol filter. In reality, not everyone drinks. Not everyone is keeping track of whether I drink.

Congratulations to your husband on his recovery. Hope the holidays can be joyful, not stressful, for you both.

WantsOut

I've been a non-drinker for 7 years now. I just order coke and I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of it. He needs to get that mindframe - "who cares what they think". It's a lifesaver.

Ngokpa

If he's anxious, he could go late and leave early. He could bring a friend who knows his situation and can give him support.

I've gone to many of these things over the years, and nobody has made any kind of a fuss about me not drinking alcohol. If they do, it's probably the wrong party to go to.

damncutekitty

I think this is something it will be so hard for me to ever understand. While I enjoy having drinks sometimes, I have to really be in the mood for it. I don't NEED to have a drink to enjoy a social event or to feel like I am a part of it.

My friend who is trying to quit also talked about the fact that the holidays are coming up and how they are "all about drinking". I guess I had not thought about it before.

deax

I imagine this is so difficult for them, to get used to being the "spare part." My ex had a serious problem with separating alcohol from life. He resented not being allowed to drink like normal people, the idea of never being able to drink again. He was the type who loved family get togethers, parties, holidays, summer barbecues, cooking for everyone, etc., and in all scenarios he was the one to kick back with a beer in hand. I've never seen him with any lasting recovery unfortunately, but I know even he would grapple with this, his relationship to alcohol obviously but also to social interactions and just life in general. This is a huge thing for a recovering alcoholic to figure out, and I think it's good that your husband is already thinking through it and trying to get a handle on it. He's gonna have to find a way to engage in life without a drink, and he's acknowledged that. If he said he doesn't feel his sobriety is truly at risk, maybe this is a good opportunity for him to get the ball rolling. On the other hand, he doesn't HAVE to go anywhere that makes him uncomfortable. Congrats and good luck to him in whatever he decides, and I hope the holidays are peaceful for you both.

Ngokpa

Actually, going to parties can be educational. We may find that our perceptions are skewed, because we're likely to find that most people don't drink that much, and some don't drink at all. And watching the people who drink too much from a sober perspective puts a different spin on things.

IrshIzNotSmilin

if he seriously wants to not be intimidated into drinking or feels that he is not sure then he needs to seek help from someone who may have be involved with his sobriety. I think in my opinion this would be a very hard situation to put yourself into.