Please welcome Myrtle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 2
new member
I am new to this and don't really know where to start. I am married to an alcoholic who is in denial and has been for 8 years or so. I am here to see what other people say and to get some input on what is going to happen. His family and I are in the process of doing an intervention and I have been so nervous about this. We are working with a trained interventionist and he will be there to help. I just feel so worried about this this, that he is not going to accept our help and then where do I go from there. I have been married to him for 36 years and have tried to get him into a recovery program for that past 6 months but he doesn't think he has a problem. He thinks because he only drinks beer and he doesn't ever miss work because of it that he has it under control. I know he doesn't and hope this intervention will help. Has anyone else ever had an intervention? If so how did it go?
Myrtle
Myrtle
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR.... I am glad you found us.
Im sorry but I have no experience on interventions.... though I have been told that you should always use a professional so its good that you are.
I do however have a ton of experience with Alcoholism and can tell you that your in the right place... people here really do understand and your not alone. Im not sure if you have checked out Al-anon, I have heard some wifes say that when they worked there program it in turn helped the Alcoholic in their lives.
I look forward to getting to know you, pull up a chair and read the stickies up top.
Im sorry but I have no experience on interventions.... though I have been told that you should always use a professional so its good that you are.
I do however have a ton of experience with Alcoholism and can tell you that your in the right place... people here really do understand and your not alone. Im not sure if you have checked out Al-anon, I have heard some wifes say that when they worked there program it in turn helped the Alcoholic in their lives.
I look forward to getting to know you, pull up a chair and read the stickies up top.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Hi, Myrtle! So glad you are here with us.
Your story sounds very similar to mine. I hesitate to say the yes, we did have an intervention and no, he did not choose treatment,instead he filed for divorce (we were married 27 years), but then he had already moved out and evidently at that time involved with a woman who worked for him (
) AND he had just sold his business for good $ (I bet the thoughts of the timing of that woman is about what mine is! ha) We had no real leverage...then.
It was helpful for my kids and me. It helped break our denial and our family secret had a little light shine on it. Actually....we started setting more boundaries and keeping them with him and dynamics are starting to shift, so who knows..... Please contact a professional. We used wonderful folks,they have a book and great website that helps decide if it is something you might want to do. http://www.LoveFirst.net
Good luck...I understand being afraid to do it and afraid not to...
Your story sounds very similar to mine. I hesitate to say the yes, we did have an intervention and no, he did not choose treatment,instead he filed for divorce (we were married 27 years), but then he had already moved out and evidently at that time involved with a woman who worked for him (
) AND he had just sold his business for good $ (I bet the thoughts of the timing of that woman is about what mine is! ha) We had no real leverage...then.It was helpful for my kids and me. It helped break our denial and our family secret had a little light shine on it. Actually....we started setting more boundaries and keeping them with him and dynamics are starting to shift, so who knows..... Please contact a professional. We used wonderful folks,they have a book and great website that helps decide if it is something you might want to do. http://www.LoveFirst.net
Good luck...I understand being afraid to do it and afraid not to...
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Hi, Myrtle, So glad you joined Sober Recovery,
If the time is right on your thread and right on my computer, we didn't get to you fast enough,for that I am sorry!
Sometimes I am not much help, I do know intervention is tricky, but you have help, so it might go well. Do you have childern that are all on board for intervention. Does he value his job? If he is self employed that takes away a lever.
Does he have health problems or treats family badly?
When is the intervention to take place?
Perhaps tell us more, glad some others replyed, there will be more.
If the time is right on your thread and right on my computer, we didn't get to you fast enough,for that I am sorry!
Sometimes I am not much help, I do know intervention is tricky, but you have help, so it might go well. Do you have childern that are all on board for intervention. Does he value his job? If he is self employed that takes away a lever.
Does he have health problems or treats family badly?
When is the intervention to take place?
Perhaps tell us more, glad some others replyed, there will be more.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: southern indiana
Posts: 2,145
welcome myrtle
no experience with interventions on my part, either. just loads of exp. with alcoholism and it's effects on others. still learning myself and struggling to stay on track.
best wishes on the intervention
jeri
no experience with interventions on my part, either. just loads of exp. with alcoholism and it's effects on others. still learning myself and struggling to stay on track.
best wishes on the intervention
jeri
let it grow!
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 15,540
From what I have heard from some of my lifelong AAer friends, you are doing the right thing by calling in a professional. I know when my A daughter decided to get help, it was with a lot of doctors, counselors, and a lawyer, and social workers on the team with my husband and I.
Good luck, sounds like you're doing the very best you can. Your husband is lucky to have so many people who care so much about him.
One other thing, when my father got dementia followed by lung cancer, and my family all did all we could to help him, we used to always tell each other - there are no wrong answers. As long as our hearts were in the right place, we were doing the our very best.
Good luck! Keep us posted. K
Good luck, sounds like you're doing the very best you can. Your husband is lucky to have so many people who care so much about him.
One other thing, when my father got dementia followed by lung cancer, and my family all did all we could to help him, we used to always tell each other - there are no wrong answers. As long as our hearts were in the right place, we were doing the our very best.
Good luck! Keep us posted. K
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Recoveryville, USA
Posts: 1,297
Interventions are like guns.
If place in the wrong hands, can cause severe damage. Use only a professional....they arent cheap, but they know thier stuff. You can google them and get a list of folks in your area. Before any attempt at intervention, get yourself to daily alanon meetings....or you could screw up the intervention yourself.
A woman i sponsored did a professional intervention and it worked. Husband agreed to treatment, been sober over 3 yrs. But she did it the right way.
Good luck!
If place in the wrong hands, can cause severe damage. Use only a professional....they arent cheap, but they know thier stuff. You can google them and get a list of folks in your area. Before any attempt at intervention, get yourself to daily alanon meetings....or you could screw up the intervention yourself.
A woman i sponsored did a professional intervention and it worked. Husband agreed to treatment, been sober over 3 yrs. But she did it the right way.
Good luck!
Last edited by FriendofBill; 11-03-2006 at 03:48 PM.
Royalty
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 366
It looks like not too many of us have faith in interventions, or just don't know about any. It would be great for you to share with us how it goes, afterwards. Most all of us are in the same situation as yours, however, you have put in alot more years, so I would also like to suggest the same as above, go to al-anon, and read everything you can on this subject. Your behavior can have an effect on the A's recovery also, and after that long, I can only guess that you have fallen into most of the co-dependant categories like the rest of us.
I personally was the provoker...I could determine exactly how many minutes from when his slurring started, to when I would explode on him, and the arguements would begin. I can also tell you that when I stopped my behavior, the drinking lessoned, and we have had zero arguements since I started reading stuff on this site.
Read away........
I personally was the provoker...I could determine exactly how many minutes from when his slurring started, to when I would explode on him, and the arguements would begin. I can also tell you that when I stopped my behavior, the drinking lessoned, and we have had zero arguements since I started reading stuff on this site.
Read away........
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Myrtle,
I know two alcoholics personally who were interventioned (is that a word?
)... Both chose recovery. But both also said afterwards that the intervention happened at a point where they were running out of options, and quickly, and knew it.
I don't know enough to give advice -- but I will say this: Whatever he does, or doesn't do -- Al-Anon can help you deal with your own pain. There, you'll be surrounded by people who know what you're going through and who will let you laugh when you need to and cry when you need to without judging you.
I know two alcoholics personally who were interventioned (is that a word?
)... Both chose recovery. But both also said afterwards that the intervention happened at a point where they were running out of options, and quickly, and knew it.I don't know enough to give advice -- but I will say this: Whatever he does, or doesn't do -- Al-Anon can help you deal with your own pain. There, you'll be surrounded by people who know what you're going through and who will let you laugh when you need to and cry when you need to without judging you.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
I have no experience with interventions. But just wanted to welcome you to SR and send you a cyber hug.
And as lillamy said: Al-Anon can help you deal with your own pain. There, you'll be surroounded by people who know what you're going through and will let you laugh when you need to and crye when you need to without judging you.
While the intervention may work out for the best for your A - I hope that you and your family will consider getting involved in Alanon as well.
And as lillamy said: Al-Anon can help you deal with your own pain. There, you'll be surroounded by people who know what you're going through and will let you laugh when you need to and crye when you need to without judging you.
While the intervention may work out for the best for your A - I hope that you and your family will consider getting involved in Alanon as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Concord, CA
Posts: 2
Thank you all for your input. I wasn't sure if I was doing this right in posting so haven't been on the computer since last week. We are planning the intervention on Fri. Nov 10th. I am really nervous. But did go to an alanon meeting Monday and talked with some people there that had been through this. I will get through it one way or another. My hubby is in for a real shocker. I just feel so bad because we have a good marriage. We don't fight or argue. He is really been my best friend for 36 years. We have had our ups and downs through it but I am a very calm and easy going person and don't try to make waves. I have read so many books on alcoholism and learned how to deal with it myself. He knows how I feel about his drinking and I found too that the more I got on his case about it the more he drank. So I only hope that this goes well if not I do have my family that will help me out.
I will keep you informed as to how the intervention goes.
Myrtle
I will keep you informed as to how the intervention goes.
Myrtle
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,579
Good luck!
btw.the professional who worked with us was also the on the "receiving end" of an intervention himself. He was 18yrs old then,walked out 5minutes into it and was gone for three years. He has been in recovery ever since. That is why he does this now (not his "day job").
He told me that not one day went by after that day that he do not think about the intervention and what was said to him...I guess it was the begining of the end for his drinking and drugging. He said it ruined it from then on.
Best of luck; you are all in my prayers. Your AH and relationship sounds like ours was......hope your guy has had enough (mine hadn't but maybe is now getting close) Hope you have good news to report!
btw.the professional who worked with us was also the on the "receiving end" of an intervention himself. He was 18yrs old then,walked out 5minutes into it and was gone for three years. He has been in recovery ever since. That is why he does this now (not his "day job").
He told me that not one day went by after that day that he do not think about the intervention and what was said to him...I guess it was the begining of the end for his drinking and drugging. He said it ruined it from then on.
Best of luck; you are all in my prayers. Your AH and relationship sounds like ours was......hope your guy has had enough (mine hadn't but maybe is now getting close) Hope you have good news to report!
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