queenteree

I've been here a few months, and reading alot of posts. If anyone cares to answer this, I am curious whether your significant A is a binge drinker or a daily drinker, and which one do you feel is worse for your sanity and/or recovery, and why. Also, are there any self-help groups other than AlAnon where you meet for like an hour or two and talk like we do on this forum except in person (like toss around ideas, stories, etc.)? Thanks.

deax

My bf was a binge drinker. A binge everything actually. I know I've never once seen him drunk-- and as far as I'm aware-- I've never seen him high on anything either.

But he binged. Whether it was alcohol or cocaine, whatever he did was when I wasn't with him, and that's when I wouldn't be able to get a hold of him. He lived three hours away from me, we were together every day Friday through Sunday, but as for the rest of the week I never knew when he'd fall off the face of the earth for 12, 16, 24 hours.

So I personally can't compare, don't have the experience to speak to which scenario is worse. All I know is that the binge drinking made it easier for me to stay in denial and say that he's not really an alcoholic, he's not that bad-- because he COULD go for days, maybe a week or 2 at a time without getting wasted, and he COULD go out to dinner with me and have a beer or 2 like a normal person. I don't know how he did that, seems to deny all the rules of alcoholism, but he did. I stil haven't figured that one out. But in any case, it perpetuated my denial longer.

embraced2000

mine was a binge drinker. we were told by a mental health counselor that binge drinking a's were the worse of the worse, and had the lowest rate of recovery. i don't know. i think it all is hell.

your local mental health centers should be able to provide support group information.
good luck
jeri

Pick-a-name

Probably they are both "worse" ( ), but my A is a daily drinker who is also very controlled about it in public...it is his "little secret". Family think he just likes to unwind with a few....

I guess the "correct" answer is that it really doesn't/shouldn't matter;if it is a problem for you to live with it, that it is your choice to decide if you want to continue to have it impact your life. Easier said than done, I know! It is interesting for me to see the way that this disease manifests itself,though. I had lots of preconceived ideas what an alcoholic "looked like" which made it hard for me to believe that it was really what was going on with my husband and his change of behavior in many areas of his life and our family and marriage.

lostnotfound

My XAH is a daily drinker. Mostly beer, with the occasional wine or G & T. He would drink to the point of slurring and falling asleep on the couch just about every night. He did not moderate, regardless of the occasion. And that was on a good night. On a bad night, the abusiveness would come out.

parentrecovers

My A daughter drank a few nights a week, and drank until she blacked out - always. When she decided to add cocaine to the mix, all hell broke loose. She could stay up for HOURS and HOURS then and contunue to drink. We're grateful that she did not die from alcohol poisioning, get date raped, etc. She has NO recollection of her carwreck in September, when the police served her with her tickets, she said "Well, at least now I know what happened."

As the disease progressed, it didn't matter whether she drank and used daily or in binges. The disease affected her on drunk and sober days. Some days were just more dangerous than others.

I hope this is helpful.

Thanks, K

marriedithink

Mines a binge drinker with a very predictable cycle including but not limited to cocaine use. I don't believe he's ever going to find recovery. The fact that he doesn't drink everyday is a big point in his arguments. Very dillusional.

queenteree

The reason why I am asking is because my AH binge drinks. He is now in sober mode for the next week or so (but maybe only a day or so, who knows). That's the point. When someone binges, sometimes things come out of the blue, when it's daily, at least you know what you're walking into. I'm not asking it to be delusional to his problem, even though he is (feels he can control it since he can stop at any time, but fails to realize that once started - WATCH OUT!!!).

mazey

Mine use to be almost every day, stopping after work for some beers. Usually, when he was doing that he would be "okay", not totally drunk, just a good buzz? Then, when we moved to the country 4 years ago, he would only stop a few times a week...and on weekends get really drunk. Like he really had to do it up on those occasions to balance out the nights he didn't drink. Then, after his near fatal accident(driving home drunk and rolling his truck and breaking every rib, sternum and tearing his aorta, etc. cuz he just had to go drinking to relax after a rough day at work, he'd called 4 hours after drinking at 8pm, I asked him to come home for a steak on the grill and he had to drink some more...till later that night. then 6 weeks on a ventilator, how's that for relaxing?? ) then for the year of recovery from all his injuries it was pretty controlled cuz he couldn't drive or work! BUT, then it became a night or two a week + weekends and increasing in quantity of beer and shots, so he couldn't make words w/ his mouth or hardly walk and drive home! So, binge I guess for him. BUT, his binges were all about trying to catch up for the nights without! His tolerance was less also cuz of all his meds and worn out body! So, after a couple hours he'd be DRUNK! AND, that's all that made him happy is to go drink. Otherwise, he'd just sit in his chair and pout and be gloomy and grumpy. BUT, under it all was a good man. AND that man is who I stuck around for. I was content w/ a half a cup full and didn't think I needed more. Actually, thinking back it wasn't even a half a cup! (He also could be abusive when really drunk.) He also wouldn't remember things, most times after drinking alot. So, when he was drinking some everyday he actually was easier to live with....I think! When he began trying to "make up" for the nights he didn't drink it was a worse drunk! Sorry, I got so long winded! HEEEHeee

queenteree

Mazey, are yous till with him? Sounds a lot like my AH, except for the accident and abusive parts.

mazey

No. It was a progression of his drinking and my discontent....the end of July had a big blow up, and I said it was DONE! He moved out a month later. So he has been gone about 10 weeks now. I am getting better day to day. I prayed for strength and to keep my mind open to where God wanted me to be. It all just kinda came together, actually rather "smoothly" so I truly believe I am where HE wants me to be. I thank HIM every day! I had been close to ending it umpteen times before, but would stay.....for the honeymoon phase, then the disappointment and discontentment came. How many times I repeated the cycle! I think it all was getting me where I am tho. I did alanon and it helped a ton. I had started with it about 8 years ago, and it taught me so much. I have not been a regular attender for several years, just trying to practice what it taught me. The program has helped me endure other tragedies in my life(my son's accident and eventual death). Powerless, and put it in my HP's hands.

Pick-a-name

Yes, and no....the binge thing would be the daily concerns (well,in earlier days) more amped up! We never knew what kind of mind-set AH would be in, when the nastiness would come out and when he was in a black-out (increasingly!) well.no telling what could and would happen. When he got home (in w/d,I guess) he was nasty,too.......and we got out of his way,if possible, until he pounded down a few and parked himself in front of the TV and zoned out. Those were the days when it and he was predictable. With the progression, all that was predictable was that he would be drinking. (the bad stuff got lots worse)

Not knowing IF he would drink would probably give even more of a feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop and give the alcoholic a bunch of different "reasons" for the drinking. Probably even more confusing.

For what it's worth, exAH still doesn't think his drinking is abnormal,etc.....

denny57

I think one is as worse as the other - because I never stopped worrying about it.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Ditto Pick-a-name, My AH drinks daily and is just like this in a very public situation meaning non-family he will drink a few, and be more controlled about it the life of the party type he is with his family that is when he will go overboard in my estimation but he drinks daily. I also had the preconceived ideas about the alcoholic and what an alcoholic "looks like" but the only difference is that I did notice this pattern right away. An example was on halloween he did not want to go to the door with drink in hand (as some people here have mentioned some people who came to the door on halloween had a drink in hand.) I still can't figure that out. Anyway my point after the trick-or-treaters were done tricking and treating he drank. there you go. but I love him.

prodigal

My AH drinks everyday and he binges every weekend. But y'know what, it's none of my business what he drinks, how much he drinks, or when he drinks anymore. It's his choice.

TexasGirl

Mine too, Prodigal. But I started to notice that the weekends started coming earlier and ending later....

queenteree

So true. So true.

laurie6781

Most Binge Drinkers that I have known, as the alcoholism progresses have turned into daily drinkers. If they don't get sober, they just can't help it.....the dry periods in between binges gets smaller and smaller until there isn't any.

The ones I have known and know today didn't get sober until they had been daily drinkers for a while.

In sobriety I married a sober alcoholic (why my sponsor suggested I start attending Al-anon also, lol) and about the 2nd year of our marriage his addiction returned...........................only not alcoholic................GAMBLING, and I swear all the alcoholic traits came back. The snide and nasty comments, the temper tantrums, etc and his gambling started out as binge gambling once every 2 weeks or so for 2 or 3 days, pretty soon the gambling binges got closer together and before long was a dailoy occurance. Needless to say he traded one addiction for another.

We got divorced after 4 years and 8 months of marriage, lol.

I really don't think there is much difference between a binge drinker and a daily drinker, the havoc they subject their employer, family and friends to seems to be the same.

As to meetings other than Al-anon you might want to check with one of the Mental Health Centers on the Island and see if they have some support groups you might join for you.

J M H O

Will keep you and yours in my daily prayers.

Love and hugs,

prodigal

and don't EVER lose your fantastic sense of humor!!

HolyQow

My AH is a daily drinker. He is more regular than the U.S. Postal service....through rain, sleet, hail...and even when he has the flu!

I saw someone said that their A was both, which made me think, that is true with my AH. He drinks every day, beer, and on the weekends, cases of beer. That is when happen.

My AH thinks he is cutting back, sure he drinks less number of cans of beer, but the cans keep getting BIGGER.

I agree with most here, it doesn't matter what type of duck, a duck is a duck.