notfineenough

I went to my first al-anon meeting today. I know that there is a problem, not to the degree of others there, but I understand that alcoholism is a progessive disease and I want to figure out sooner than later how this is all going to turn out. Before my 18 month old son ever gets to see it.
My husband doesn't have "issues" often, but when he does he drives and is verbally abusing to me and others. He has been embarrassing to me at times and to himself. He tells people thinks that he shouldn't when he's drunk and almost lost hius job over talking about his raise to other employees. His father also had a problem with it and always denied it and my H uses the excuse that he's not as bad as his father was.
I have been the nagging wife, I have wasted energy and screamed yelled cried and begged and I am done. I want to make my life better so that my son can in return have a better life.
My question now is...what now?
I will go to the meetings, but what do i do at home. I don't want to harp on his anymore, sober or not sober, but do I just ignore the problem and hope he comes around before I realize I have to leave? or is there something I can do in the mean time?

Durango

now keep going to your meetings and posting here. Day by day you will see the answers. There are no complete answers that come all at one time. A person has to recognize that they have a problem before they start doing something about it. You did. Way to go.

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hi notfinenough I feel what you are saying because I have said it to myself. I have decided for me right now to do on-line al-anon and look for a convenient face to face meeting. To possilbly help by example I have done this and mind you i do not have children and I cannot relate to that, I can understand it though. I think you answered it for yourself " I do not want to harp on it" so don't. If you have a time that you feel is unmanageable as you have mentioned the verbal comments, the behavior that you find unacceptable then pull yourself out of the situation. Take a cab, go to a movie, go to a friend, visit family if you are able. Do not allow yourself to be in those situations and allow yourself to be in the ones that you want. Do not speak to them when drinking will do no good speak at another time when they are sober. I do this. I sit my AH down the next day and really calmly state how I felt the night before and say that is why I left. I felt this way or that way..it hurt me very much when you said this or that.. let them know how you feel. I have done this sometimes it really works and other times it may not. You may get no satisfaction or change out of it or you may but you are taking care of you. You are letting your husband know this is my boundary this is what I want to take and what I do not want to take. Work a program for you. I do counselling for me. Just me. I can't change him. I love him but I can't make him stop. I hope this gives a little help not knowing the ins and outs of relationships these may or may not work for you. Welcome and post here whenever you can this place is a sanity saver.

Cynay

Welcome to SR... we are glad you joined us.

It took me awhile to "get it" and start working a recovery program for myself. When I was ready for the answer to anything it seems the next thing I know I hear someone share about just that. I started by taking the focus off everything else and putting it on myself, my behavior and attitude. I worked with my sponsor to work through my personal issues and then started setting boundries that I could live with.

Today I use Al-anon, Counceling, SR, Open AA meetings and alot of reading to keep myself focused. Sounds like you have already taken the first steps... Congrads. Maybe start out by working on detachment skills ... they are life savors for me.

I look forward to getting to know you... keep posting and reading, it will come.

Pick-a-name

Welcome! So glad you are here! Besides posting here and at other siites; reading has really helped me a lot! Two books I have found to be especially helpful and also a good "strating" place are "Under the Influence" and the "Getting Them Sober" books (please see http://www.GettingThemSober.com to read a few chapters free online before you even buy the books).

You sound like you are seeing things for what they are;hope to see you around here!