IrshIzNotSmilin

Hi. I just took the al-anon self test and I was wondering for those of you who have attended meetings how do you personally handle these since meetings:

Worrying about the amount the A drinks.

Threatening them to stop.

Smelling their breath.

Being embarrassed in public by their behaviors.

Being angry, confused and depressed.


Thoughts??

BohemiMamaof3

Well, one thing you learn is just to let go of being so insanely obsessed by it, if that makes sense. Because there is nothing you can do about it. This came after years of not really knowing or recognizing what was wrong with him, then years of trying to “help” him and realizing that nobody can help him but God and his own self! So I’ll say it again, we finally realized there is nothing we could do about it.

The only time my mom or I went back to those tactics (sniffing breath, snooping for bottles) with Abrother, is when he was supposedly working a program and just to validate out suspicions that he was not. Then we had to follow through with our “threats” and he could not live either with her or with me and my family.

The ‘embarrassed’ thing comes and goes, I feel more hurt & angry than embarrassed by it because my Abrother told lies about us all. But when I found myself getting stirred up about it again, I remind myself how sick he is and how most people realize that about him sooner or later and don’t put much stock into what he says. The embarrassment belongs squarely on his shoulders anyway, not ours.

denny57

It sounds impossible - that you would stop obsessing about these things, but if you work the program, you truly do. I don't know how else to describe it. Putting the focus on me changed my thinking forever.

GettingBy

I agree with Denny. It seems impossible to not focus on their drinking... but it's very doable, one step at a time. The first step I took was just taking care of me. Doing one nice thing for ME, once a day. It started out small... buying a nice cup of coffee, taking the dog for a brief walk... little things that didn't seem so daunting. One step at a time, I learned how to put my wants/needs back at top priority.

This really is the "secret"....
One step at a time, Irish.