Don't know how to stop this
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Grand Jct CO
Posts: 33
Don't know how to stop this
Hi all,
Thought I was going to beat it this time- I havent and I am scared.
Hubby found me asleep (well passed out) on the couch early this morning. I feel so bad for doing this to him-and to the kids- I didn't drink till he went to bed and then I did.
I won't lie to you all- i like the taste of wine and I like to drink it- I just can't keep living this way, nor can my husband- not fair to him. I know its another day- but I am scared - he knows I drank I can tell.
We had a good evening=- but then when I took my daughter to her friends house I stopped and got a four pack of wine-
I feel so guilty- I am at work and all I want to do is cry-I love my husband and kids- so how do I get rid of this urge?
I am afraid that one day I will drink too much and not wake up- I have high thyroid and blood pressure- so guess you would think that would be enough to make me quit drinking.
I really need help
Pllease this is my plea
recoveryforme
Thought I was going to beat it this time- I havent and I am scared.
Hubby found me asleep (well passed out) on the couch early this morning. I feel so bad for doing this to him-and to the kids- I didn't drink till he went to bed and then I did.
I won't lie to you all- i like the taste of wine and I like to drink it- I just can't keep living this way, nor can my husband- not fair to him. I know its another day- but I am scared - he knows I drank I can tell.
We had a good evening=- but then when I took my daughter to her friends house I stopped and got a four pack of wine-
I feel so guilty- I am at work and all I want to do is cry-I love my husband and kids- so how do I get rid of this urge?
I am afraid that one day I will drink too much and not wake up- I have high thyroid and blood pressure- so guess you would think that would be enough to make me quit drinking.
I really need help
Pllease this is my plea
recoveryforme
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Hi,
The thing that helped me stop drinking was to change my routines and patterns. You said you dropped off your daughter nd then got some wine - how about driving home by a different route. Plan to do something different during the times you would be normally drinking. As far as getting rid of the urges - that will just take time. In my experience, the only the thing that rid of the urges was getting through them without drinking. Each time I succeeded, I became a little stronger.
You can do this!
The thing that helped me stop drinking was to change my routines and patterns. You said you dropped off your daughter nd then got some wine - how about driving home by a different route. Plan to do something different during the times you would be normally drinking. As far as getting rid of the urges - that will just take time. In my experience, the only the thing that rid of the urges was getting through them without drinking. Each time I succeeded, I became a little stronger.
You can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Grand Jct CO
Posts: 33
what if I cant
Hi,
What if I can't? What if I end up losing everything and everyone I love. I know I am hurting my husband- I used to complain about his drinking - thinking he had the problem- in reality- its me. I have a problem- and I am admitting it... but I am scared.
How do I make it up to my husband? I know he knows I was drinking- didn't even talk to me this morning and I still haven't heard from him.
I am so scared. I do want to get better- really I do-
So do I tell him the truth if he questions me? I really thought I could go longer then 1 day without drinking- truth is I can't - I want to go home crawl into bed and die. I feel so low- and down and out.
I have so much to live for- but if I lose everything it won't matter.
recoveryforme
What if I can't? What if I end up losing everything and everyone I love. I know I am hurting my husband- I used to complain about his drinking - thinking he had the problem- in reality- its me. I have a problem- and I am admitting it... but I am scared.
How do I make it up to my husband? I know he knows I was drinking- didn't even talk to me this morning and I still haven't heard from him.
I am so scared. I do want to get better- really I do-
So do I tell him the truth if he questions me? I really thought I could go longer then 1 day without drinking- truth is I can't - I want to go home crawl into bed and die. I feel so low- and down and out.
I have so much to live for- but if I lose everything it won't matter.
recoveryforme
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Hi, rfm-- 
You know you have a problem and you want to stop, so that's a good start right there! I'm glad you've found us here at SR.
I, like you, am a wife & mom. "Secret" sneaky wine drinking was my way of life for years, and I always felt like such a loser because of it. Getting involved here at SR, coming clean with my husband & some trusted friends about my problem, and lots of reading have made a huge difference in my life. All this has strengthened me to stand up to and work at beating this demon alcohol. I've slipped up from time to time, but life is SO MUCH BETTER now that I've quit letting that liquid in a bottle (or box) run my life.
I'm certain you can beat it! Please stick around here--we understand what it's like.
Oh, and let me invite you to join us at this "Moms' thread": http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
There's a great group of women there!
Take care,
Jane
You know you have a problem and you want to stop, so that's a good start right there! I'm glad you've found us here at SR.
I, like you, am a wife & mom. "Secret" sneaky wine drinking was my way of life for years, and I always felt like such a loser because of it. Getting involved here at SR, coming clean with my husband & some trusted friends about my problem, and lots of reading have made a huge difference in my life. All this has strengthened me to stand up to and work at beating this demon alcohol. I've slipped up from time to time, but life is SO MUCH BETTER now that I've quit letting that liquid in a bottle (or box) run my life.
I'm certain you can beat it! Please stick around here--we understand what it's like.
Oh, and let me invite you to join us at this "Moms' thread": http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-2-a.html
There's a great group of women there!
Take care,
Jane
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
It will take time and patience to make things up to your family. That's a hard part of the fall-out of our disease. We want to fix things immediately and we simply can't.
You can decide to not drink today. Have you talked to your dr before you decide to stop? It can be dangerous to stop suddenly.
You can decide to not drink today. Have you talked to your dr before you decide to stop? It can be dangerous to stop suddenly.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Indiana
Posts: 693
The turning point for me was when I admitted to myself and my husband that I had a problem. I spent so many nights passed out on the couch...always with the excuse that I didn't want to wake him up...I was too tired to come to bed. The reality was I was too drunk to make it up the stairs. My marriage was a mess.
Luckily he forgave me. It didn't come easily and it didn't come quickly. There were days I doubted his forgiveness and days I felt I didn't deserve his forgiveness. But we survived and are happier today than I ever felt was possible. Be honest and trust that he loves you enough to help you in any way he can. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, whether it be sobriety, your marriage, or being able to like the person you see staring back in the mirror.
Luckily he forgave me. It didn't come easily and it didn't come quickly. There were days I doubted his forgiveness and days I felt I didn't deserve his forgiveness. But we survived and are happier today than I ever felt was possible. Be honest and trust that he loves you enough to help you in any way he can. Anything worth having is worth fighting for, whether it be sobriety, your marriage, or being able to like the person you see staring back in the mirror.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Yes,...he knows. Whenever I suspected I may have been found out,.....they knew. After I finally got sober, my family told me when asked "why didnt you say anything if you knew?" they said they were so ashamed of me and disappointed and thought that if I see what its doing and still drink,...then I must be hopeless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Grand Jct CO
Posts: 33
Hi,
I still feel like crying- its so hard- knowing that i have a problem and admitting to it.. I know my hubby is mad at me and knows I was drinking. I am so scared. I will not drink today and hopefully not tomorrow- I really want to stop- I am scared- I so sorry.... how do you give today a chance when you screwed up the day before? How do you go on when you know you have lied and messed up around your family? How do you find yourself worthy when you feel so messed up and not worthy of yourself- how do you believe that days will get better?
All I have thought about today is what my hubby will say when he sees me- dam I am so sorry.... wish I could make it all better- please anyone with advice email me- I hate feeling this way..
recoveryforme
I still feel like crying- its so hard- knowing that i have a problem and admitting to it.. I know my hubby is mad at me and knows I was drinking. I am so scared. I will not drink today and hopefully not tomorrow- I really want to stop- I am scared- I so sorry.... how do you give today a chance when you screwed up the day before? How do you go on when you know you have lied and messed up around your family? How do you find yourself worthy when you feel so messed up and not worthy of yourself- how do you believe that days will get better?
All I have thought about today is what my hubby will say when he sees me- dam I am so sorry.... wish I could make it all better- please anyone with advice email me- I hate feeling this way..
recoveryforme
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
You can only take care of today. That's all you can do. One of the big things I learned in recovery is that you can't fix what happened yesterday and you can't control what will happen tomorrw. Focus on today.
Stay sober and show your husband, with your actions, that you are not drinking today.
Stay sober and show your husband, with your actions, that you are not drinking today.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Recoveryforme,
First of all a lot of the feelings you are having are a result of drinking. The very feelings you think alcohol helps you cope with are being caused by alcohol.
Of course your husband knows what's going on.
The likelyhood of you succeeding if you can not go one day without drinking is not that great if you don't seek help. If you are an alcoholic will power alone may not be enough.
Feeling bad every day and hating yourself also won't really help.
Consider having a frank discussion with him about it. Look within yourself and try decide if there is not some reluctance based around the fear it may jeapordize your supply of alcohol if you do.
I spent some time unwilling to talk to people about it because i was afriad it may make it harder to drink.
Think it over.
First of all a lot of the feelings you are having are a result of drinking. The very feelings you think alcohol helps you cope with are being caused by alcohol.
Of course your husband knows what's going on.
The likelyhood of you succeeding if you can not go one day without drinking is not that great if you don't seek help. If you are an alcoholic will power alone may not be enough.
Feeling bad every day and hating yourself also won't really help.
Consider having a frank discussion with him about it. Look within yourself and try decide if there is not some reluctance based around the fear it may jeapordize your supply of alcohol if you do.
I spent some time unwilling to talk to people about it because i was afriad it may make it harder to drink.
Think it over.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Stormtooth
Recoveryforme,
First of all a lot of the feelings you are having are a result of drinking. The very feelings you think alcohol helps you cope with are being caused by alcohol.
Of course your husband knows what's going on.
The likelyhood of you succeeding if you can not go one day without drinking is not that great if you don't seek help. If you are an alcoholic will power alone may not be enough.
Feeling bad every day and hating yourself also won't really help.
Consider having a frank discussion with him about it. Look within yourself and try decide if there is not some reluctance based around the fear it may jeapordize your supply of alcohol if you do.
I spent some time unwilling to talk to people about it because i was afriad it may make it harder to drink.
Think it over.
First of all a lot of the feelings you are having are a result of drinking. The very feelings you think alcohol helps you cope with are being caused by alcohol.
Of course your husband knows what's going on.
The likelyhood of you succeeding if you can not go one day without drinking is not that great if you don't seek help. If you are an alcoholic will power alone may not be enough.
Feeling bad every day and hating yourself also won't really help.
Consider having a frank discussion with him about it. Look within yourself and try decide if there is not some reluctance based around the fear it may jeapordize your supply of alcohol if you do.
I spent some time unwilling to talk to people about it because i was afriad it may make it harder to drink.
Think it over.
I used to think that if I ever admitted out loud to people close to me that I had a drinking problem, then,......it would be out there. Cant take it back. Too many times, did I tell myself that this is it,.....no more drinking. Only to THAT day or the very next get just as sloshed as I always did. So I knew that even though I may be feeling like fessing up then,....my mood would drastically change and I'd want to drink later, so, I'd better keep it a secret (even though I found out that they ALWAYS knew). You need to think ahead. When that excited feeling of a binge coming on hits,...you need to think of how you felt when you began writing this thread. And keep in mind that it will ALWAYS feel this way. ALWAYS. Most times,....its worse. This is progressive. No alcoholic can keep it a secret. I dont care who says they are. They cannot. People ALWAYS know. Too often, alcoholics mistake the lack of people saying anything about it,.... with them just not thinking they have a problem. More often than not, they feel it too awkward a topic to bring up. Or they are embarrassed of us. But make no mistake,.....close friends and family ARE most definitely talking to eachother about it. When the alcoholic hurts them enough times or badly enough, is when they FINALLY say something. By then,...the alcoholic is, alot of times,....so deep in denial that they seem hopeless. Alcoholism is quite interesting, actually. Even me,....an admitted full-blown alcoholic, still finds it facinating that we cannot seem to just simply NOT drink. It blows my mind. Others looking in on us just see us drinking,...it destroying our lives,....destroying lives around us,....and yet we keep drinking,....seemingly not caring about the people we hurt. They just dont understand how we just cant push the drink away and say no. And why would they understand? We dont really, ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Bangor, maine
Posts: 78
Earlybird,
Thank you for your reply.
Of course other people are aware of what you are doing.
When i get on the bus now, I can certainly smell when other people have been drinking especially in the morning. Then there are people I know from rehab who are high, and that is quite obvious too.
Somehow people think even though they are drooling, incoherent, and nodding off, somehow they are keeping a great secret no one else can figure out.
So it is the same with me undoubtedly. Some people mentioned to me later.
The fact we can not simply NOT drink is what makes us alcoholics. It is *loss of control* more than any other feature. Not that somehow on a particular occassion or under very important eyes we managed to be good, this time. It is the fact we know that staying in control is a struggle, and the inevitable long binge after one can no longer keep control.
The hardest part for me is to understand normal drinkers don't have this struggle. They do not simply lose control. None of us would be alcoholics if we could simply NOT drink.
Thank you for your reply.
Of course other people are aware of what you are doing.
When i get on the bus now, I can certainly smell when other people have been drinking especially in the morning. Then there are people I know from rehab who are high, and that is quite obvious too.
Somehow people think even though they are drooling, incoherent, and nodding off, somehow they are keeping a great secret no one else can figure out.
So it is the same with me undoubtedly. Some people mentioned to me later.
The fact we can not simply NOT drink is what makes us alcoholics. It is *loss of control* more than any other feature. Not that somehow on a particular occassion or under very important eyes we managed to be good, this time. It is the fact we know that staying in control is a struggle, and the inevitable long binge after one can no longer keep control.
The hardest part for me is to understand normal drinkers don't have this struggle. They do not simply lose control. None of us would be alcoholics if we could simply NOT drink.
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