am i angry??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: uk
Posts: 20
am i angry??
im absoluty livid seething angry at my parents ........how dare they let me carry thier guilt for all these years? how dare they blame their alcoholism on us and use us as an excuse to get smashed....how could they let me believe i was bad for hating comming home to a mother smashed out of her face(no need for a mental image)and a stepdad that didnt care as long as he had a buddy....i hate them for leaving me to roam the steets on my own and letting me hurt myself....for stealing from people and us.. for having to move house all the time for having to go to 7 different schools and then getting thrown out anyway! am i angry?? bloody right i am!!!
emma
emma
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Under the Rainbow
Posts: 1,086
You have every right to be angry. And hurt. And feel abandoned. Unfortunately, none of that will change the here and now.
The next question is: what are you going to do with that anger? Many people spend their entire lives letting that anger drive everything in their lives. It usually doesn't work very well for them.
Have you looked into AlAnon in your area? I think there's a sticky at the top for services available for Brits and how to find them.
Your parents are like small children. They did not do these things to hurt you - they did them because they needed a good excuse to continue doing what they were doing and they pinned the blame on you. It is a very self centered behavior and very common in alcoholics.
Now it's time for you to take care of you. Please see about AlAnon or some other support group. It could very well change the rest of your life.
The next question is: what are you going to do with that anger? Many people spend their entire lives letting that anger drive everything in their lives. It usually doesn't work very well for them.
Have you looked into AlAnon in your area? I think there's a sticky at the top for services available for Brits and how to find them.
Your parents are like small children. They did not do these things to hurt you - they did them because they needed a good excuse to continue doing what they were doing and they pinned the blame on you. It is a very self centered behavior and very common in alcoholics.
Now it's time for you to take care of you. Please see about AlAnon or some other support group. It could very well change the rest of your life.
On a tear
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Volcano Country!
Posts: 3,221
Ginger's post is right on... sometimes, the "sickness" of an alcoholic family is passed on to the next generation through the "back door" of anger and resentment.
I've met more than one angry, resentful, hurt person in the rooms of Alanon and AA....
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
When I heard that, a light came on for me. I needed to work on my resentments to make MY life better - not because I was a good person or "should" or anything like that. But because *I* was the one hurting and *I* was the one who did not want to hurt anymore.
You deserve a good life. You have a right to a good life. You have the power to have a good life.
Those things are true, and by attending Alanon I found out how alcohol had affected me and how my expectations of others were all tainted by how I was raised. It has been an amazing journey.
Go to Alanon = Feel Better
((((hugs)))))
I've met more than one angry, resentful, hurt person in the rooms of Alanon and AA....
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
When I heard that, a light came on for me. I needed to work on my resentments to make MY life better - not because I was a good person or "should" or anything like that. But because *I* was the one hurting and *I* was the one who did not want to hurt anymore.
You deserve a good life. You have a right to a good life. You have the power to have a good life.
Those things are true, and by attending Alanon I found out how alcohol had affected me and how my expectations of others were all tainted by how I was raised. It has been an amazing journey.
Go to Alanon = Feel Better
((((hugs)))))
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
I was very angry too for what happened with my parents while I was growing up. Mother was the alcoholic and Dad drank and enabled her, the kids came last. My anger turned into depression which plagued me for years. The anger and depression eventually ended up with me becoming an alcoholic. I simply couldn't stand the pain any longer and had no clue how to deal with it. So for 3 yrs I drank. When I finally got the depression properly treated, I knew I had to lose the anger and bitterness. It was killing me. It's been very hard, but very worth it. I still hear my mother's voice in my head occasionally, but not so often anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
Emma,
Yep, you have every right to be angry. You were just a child and no child deserves to grow up the way you describe. You got the short end of the stick and your anger is justified. I think the simple act of acknowledging that you are one pissed off woman and allowing yourself to feel the emotion is a big step towards healing. I'm glad you found this forum and had a chance to let off some steam.
You can't change the past but you are not a slave to it either. You are free to create any type of life you want but you've got to find a way to work thru that anger and accept the past for what it was. Maybe participation in an alanon group would help...it certainly can't hurt. You deserve a life of peace and happiness and you can create that life for yourself by working thru and letting go of the past. I hope you'll stick around and work thru it with us...and go to some face to face meetings because this program really does work!
Big hugs...
Yep, you have every right to be angry. You were just a child and no child deserves to grow up the way you describe. You got the short end of the stick and your anger is justified. I think the simple act of acknowledging that you are one pissed off woman and allowing yourself to feel the emotion is a big step towards healing. I'm glad you found this forum and had a chance to let off some steam.
You can't change the past but you are not a slave to it either. You are free to create any type of life you want but you've got to find a way to work thru that anger and accept the past for what it was. Maybe participation in an alanon group would help...it certainly can't hurt. You deserve a life of peace and happiness and you can create that life for yourself by working thru and letting go of the past. I hope you'll stick around and work thru it with us...and go to some face to face meetings because this program really does work!
Big hugs...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: uk
Posts: 20
hi thanks for all the replys!
out on a limb...i think u got it spot on,i have just always been an angry person and just realising that, understanding that im not wrong in feeling the way i do instead of blaming myself for not being able to cope with the situation and then all the guilt and everything else that goes with it.....i think just being able to say I WAS NOT TO BLAME! That little girl deserved better! and really beleiving it.....has been huge for me, i hope i can work thru this and move on
thanx so much emz
i want to forgive my parents eventually, i have ALWAYS understood thier illiness since being tiny and having to help them to bed but i refuse to deny my feelings and my rights anymore.....they can take all the anger, tears, upset,confusion,guilt and helplesness back i dont want it its theirs they r welcum 2 it
out on a limb...i think u got it spot on,i have just always been an angry person and just realising that, understanding that im not wrong in feeling the way i do instead of blaming myself for not being able to cope with the situation and then all the guilt and everything else that goes with it.....i think just being able to say I WAS NOT TO BLAME! That little girl deserved better! and really beleiving it.....has been huge for me, i hope i can work thru this and move on
thanx so much emz
i want to forgive my parents eventually, i have ALWAYS understood thier illiness since being tiny and having to help them to bed but i refuse to deny my feelings and my rights anymore.....they can take all the anger, tears, upset,confusion,guilt and helplesness back i dont want it its theirs they r welcum 2 it
Last edited by emz282; 10-31-2006 at 09:16 AM.
fairyprincess
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: South Jordan, UT
Posts: 25
You did deserve better, but through it you have become stronger, and through it a more empathetic person...someone who can relate, maybe even someone who can help another at some time....we all deserved better, but what do we do with the lesson??? Make your life a better one, so that the cirlce is broken and those who follow, partners, husbands, children....will know a better tomorrow and you will have the knowlege that you had the courage to make it possible that no one you love will have to look back and say that they deserved better, because you will have given them better by breaking the circle and being better yourself.......
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