mtmama

Does anyone out there have any experience with their A continuing to drink "moderately?" My AH has been through the endless cycle for years...abstinence, then just a beer, just a wine, just one vodka, only two vodkas, just one more...two week binges, abstinence and AA. The merry-go-round keeps going round and round. He now says that he 'can't' quit drinking but he is "ready" to do something that he hasn't been able to do in the past....drink moderately. He has been to rehab 2 1/2 times, only to relapse shortly after treatment. He says he failed in the past because he wasn't ready, but he knows he can do it now. In fact, altho he is staying at our vacation house right now, I talk to him daily and he sounds sober at all times of the day...and he says he is "hardly drinking at all." Can they do that???

brians

No.
I am an A and have never been able to do the controlled drinking for long.
2 1/2 rehabs. I had 5. Not till I gave up and went to AA meetings did I stay sober. He has not hit bottom yet. Thanks for posting.

lil'bit

Statistically speaking, his chances of moderating long term are very, very low.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease -- not something one can control long term by sheer will alone. If he is serious about ending the problem, he needs to abstain and stay in recovery, IMO.

I've been through the same cycle with my husband a few times (without the rehab/AA part)--- he always ends up drinking heavily again. This time, I told him it is recovery or divorce -- he gets to choose.

StandingStrong

There tends to be a few that I have heard of that can do this (my brother being one of them). However, the chances of them being able to maintain at a moderate rate is very slim to none.
Alcoholism is progressive. Moderation works well for those not addicted, but not for an actual addicted alcoholic. Even at maintaining, I'd say that's more like playing with fire and just waiting for the next binge to happen.

Just my thoughts.



Oh - and one more thing.....
Are YOU okay with him drinking moderately? Would it be enough for you to be able to want to be with him, continuously waiting for the next time?
It's time to really look at what YOU want whether he drinks or not.

michski

I know of people who have been able to drink in moderation.... but these are usually people who have had miserable lives and when their lives changed for the better they really wanted to be present in their life. Kinda born again alcoholics that went thru a rough time and then after their emotions leveled out.. usually after complete abstinance.. they were able to have a glass of wine occasiionally and not drink the whole bottle.

I heard once a devout AAer say that there were people who were hard drinkers and then there were those who drank to die. I feel that anyone who gets wasted on a regular basis is an alcoholic but there are people who manage to do that, never hurting their family or missing a soccer game or mistreating, neglecting their partners..... and that's just fine. Isn't it?

jimhere

There is a certain kind of hard drinker, who to all appearances looks and acts like an alcoholic. He will certainly end up in some of the places an alcoholic does-jail, treatment centers, even in AA. But the differences are that the hard drinker can control the amount he drinks when drinks and given a good reason can stop or moderate.

miss communicat

I am an alcoholic. The allure of suddenly being cured and drinking moderately has always appealed to me, so much so, that after 13 years of sobriety I went and tried it. It worked for 3 and a half years but during those years I can tell you I was not living "happy, joyous and free". I may have controlled HOW MUCH I drank, but I was not living my life with spiritual growth as a priority. I took my will back from God, and eventually I started producing "unsober" behaviour more and more. All the while i never appeared drunken or out of control.

So, this is certainly a crazy-making grey zone to inhabit regarding another's status: are they or are they not alcoholic, are they or are they not able to drink moderately? and so on.

Some are. Some are not.

As a recovering Codie also, I would suggest kindly that you take good care of yourself, regardless of the outcome of your husband's current research experiment. From your previous posts, it sounds to me that you and he are fully aware of his alcoholism. I am so sorry that you have to go through this painful time and pray for guidance for both of you.

FriendofBill

no

prodigal

Yep. I think FriendofBill summed it up. I've seen my AH try that trick. We actually went on a long-weekend vacation for the first time I can remember when he did not drink. Just a bunch of baloney. After Labor Day, he started with a drink here and there. Now it's back to the same-old same-old. Drink, drank, drunk.

best

In my own mind I can do many things.

In real life... I am not able to stay moderated.
Alcohol and my desire for more once I start drinking would progress very fast. Moderation may work for me for about 2 weeks maybe. Don't want to test the waters and find out though. It could progress in one night,,,as I have found in the past.
One beer, two beer, three beer...floor.

FormerDoormat

In my own mind, I'm 5'7", blonde with blue eyes, and 120 pounds....

guyinNC

No!! The only treatment for alcoholism is to not drink alcohol! Period!

CatsTail

No! The only treatment is total abstinence.

Ngaire

IrshIzNotSmilin

Unfortunately i have played this rationalization with myself also. Can they moderate. So I am conducting an experiment. Only because I need to do that because I am validating myself, I do feel I know the answer is no but I am going to give AH the benefit of the doubt. It is funny you posted this thread because I was thinking about it myself. Well MtMama, someone here posted about a site moderation.org. So I went there and looked around and thought WOW isn't this ideal my AH can moderate and if he would only do this it would all be great because I have seen him occasionally go through periods of moderation and he could do it. Whoopee. Well, he would have the binges again and it goes round and round. I also knew I could never get him there because he does not believe in any of this. No AA they are all for "born again people" he would say (not me I am quoting the AH) and moderation he does not and will not totally understand. So long answer to your question I think as some have said it can be done but it is too difficult in the long run and in my case they always binge or hide or sneek etc. It is devastating.

mfisher

Well it depends on who decides the moderation. LOL
To me moderation is a beer or 2.
For my ex ah it would be a fifth or 2 of Kessler.
Whats the problem?

justme2007

A's a recovering A, IMHO most alcoholics cannot drink "in moderation" ever. They will either go all or nothing. A's who can drink in moderation cannot do so for very long. If that type of A has a period of drinking in moderation, eventually (within days, weeks or months) they will get drunk and lose control worse than before. The alcoholic who can drink moderately is definitely a rarity.

Also, for those who subscribe to AA, alcoholism is not necessarily about the amount of alcohol; it's about one's attitude, outlook, character for honesty and unselfishness, and faith in a higher power. The majority of alcoholics who do not WORK some sort of spiritual program will either be actively drinking or mentally/spiritually/emotionally miserable ("dry drunk"). [And sitting at an AA meeting is not working the Program. Having a sponsor and WORKING the 12 Steps is. ;-)]

Pick-a-name

and about 28yrs old...!

Pick-a-name

Can an a drink moderately? You mean........for life and also life healthy and happily without drinking?

Short answer: NO.

reader

I will probably throw a wrench in this issue. Yes, unfortunately a functional alcoholic can maintain moderate drinking. My H has drank like that for some time now. He had tried different programs but could only make it a month or so each time. Now he has a couple beers a few days a week. After 30 years of heavy drinking this is an improvement. A work in progress yes, One day at a time I guess.

nocellphone

Oddly enough, in my mind, that's exactly what you look like to me!