Scared!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Louisville
Posts: 4
Scared!!
Hi to all of my new friends. I need your prayers!
On July 4, 2004, after taking a hand full of pain pills followed by 3 Corona, feeling "ten feet tall and bullet proof", I put 2 of my granddaughters on the back of a 4-wheeler and took off. About 15 min. into the ride I knew I was going too fast and was not going to make a turn, I was able to turn my body so to push the girls off and then I took the brunt of the flipped ATV. My beautiful babies were not injured badly, a sprained wrist for one and scratches\bruises for the other. I, on the other hand was very badly hurt. A crushed hand, a concussion and I blew out 3 of the disk in my cervical spine that had to fused. At the time it was not known but I also fractured my shoulder and it heeled wrong. Now I have to have total shoulder replacement on November 16th.
I am petrified!! My doctor knows I am an addict but pain pills were my drug of choice and there is no way around not taking narcotics while I am going thru this. I go to NA meetings every day, I have a home group, support people and I am working the steps with my sponsor. We have talked with everyone and they will be here for me, but..... I still can remember how very good the pills made me feel at times. That is not to say that I never ever want to forget how I felt on the last days before I went into treatment last year. I play that tape back...After using for 25 years I could no longer get high enough on the pills (had I not stopped where would I have gone to next?) and was drinking heavily. I was vomiting blood and feeling so depressed I did not want to BE anymore. I had told my husband of 34 years that I was a drug addict and had found a way to take money from his retirement accout, $300,000.00....he had no idea.
God found a way to get me to treatment. But I do not know if remembering all of this is enough. At age 54, I am not sure I have it in me to survive another round. I know my amazing husband could not weather it. Please I ask you as I asked my support group, whatever Higher Power that you believe in ask Him if He would wrap me in His arms and walk with me thru this. I am doing that with my God everytime I think about it which is all the time.
Keep fighting the good fight everyone,
Love Karen
On July 4, 2004, after taking a hand full of pain pills followed by 3 Corona, feeling "ten feet tall and bullet proof", I put 2 of my granddaughters on the back of a 4-wheeler and took off. About 15 min. into the ride I knew I was going too fast and was not going to make a turn, I was able to turn my body so to push the girls off and then I took the brunt of the flipped ATV. My beautiful babies were not injured badly, a sprained wrist for one and scratches\bruises for the other. I, on the other hand was very badly hurt. A crushed hand, a concussion and I blew out 3 of the disk in my cervical spine that had to fused. At the time it was not known but I also fractured my shoulder and it heeled wrong. Now I have to have total shoulder replacement on November 16th.
I am petrified!! My doctor knows I am an addict but pain pills were my drug of choice and there is no way around not taking narcotics while I am going thru this. I go to NA meetings every day, I have a home group, support people and I am working the steps with my sponsor. We have talked with everyone and they will be here for me, but..... I still can remember how very good the pills made me feel at times. That is not to say that I never ever want to forget how I felt on the last days before I went into treatment last year. I play that tape back...After using for 25 years I could no longer get high enough on the pills (had I not stopped where would I have gone to next?) and was drinking heavily. I was vomiting blood and feeling so depressed I did not want to BE anymore. I had told my husband of 34 years that I was a drug addict and had found a way to take money from his retirement accout, $300,000.00....he had no idea.
God found a way to get me to treatment. But I do not know if remembering all of this is enough. At age 54, I am not sure I have it in me to survive another round. I know my amazing husband could not weather it. Please I ask you as I asked my support group, whatever Higher Power that you believe in ask Him if He would wrap me in His arms and walk with me thru this. I am doing that with my God everytime I think about it which is all the time.
Keep fighting the good fight everyone,
Love Karen
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Karen...fear can either be debilitating or a great motivator...it all depends upon how we face it/use it to our advantage. In your case, you are well aware of your past dependence and addiction to pain meds...you know you must use them only as prescribed and flush them when no longer needed.
My drug of choice was alcohol; but, after being sober for a while, I realized I had a secret love affair with codeine. Thank God I never became addicted to the stuff! I've had some serious health problems in the past couple of years and gone through some painful things for which I was prescribed meds. I am not a martyr; but, knowing my own history, I'm very careful to use, but now abuse!
You have it, my friend.
My drug of choice was alcohol; but, after being sober for a while, I realized I had a secret love affair with codeine. Thank God I never became addicted to the stuff! I've had some serious health problems in the past couple of years and gone through some painful things for which I was prescribed meds. I am not a martyr; but, knowing my own history, I'm very careful to use, but now abuse!
...whatever Higher Power that you believe in ask Him if He would wrap me in His arms and walk with me thru this.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: maumelle ar
Posts: 103
there are many non narcotic, non habit forming pain killers that can be used to relieve severe pain due to the surgeries. i would suggest consulting with my physician on this and finding the best combination for you. i too am a pain pill addict and have been for years, since i decided to stop taking the narcotic type 3 weeks ago today my dr has put me on mobic, which works very well for my pain with none of the narcotic effects. i too had an accident some years ago an severly injured my back and neck. i certainly will pray for your recovery. god bless!!!! welcome to SR.
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