IndigoNA

I'm pissed.

I went out tonight to a bar for halloween. I wear glasses. I love my glasses they are awesome. So this who was drinking and probabbly a little bit drunk he complimented my glasses. So i said Thank You and I approached him just to be friendly and asked him if he wore glasses too because he didn't have any on at that time. And he said HELL NO, and called me a DWEEB...

And I told him that it was fashion, and then he said OH NOT IN MY WORLD... **** it pissed me off, it made me feel bad probabbly some sort of "COMPLEX" I have for using glasses even though I love the ones I wear right now, they're really fashionable and the girls love them, blah blah.

So anyways just wanted to get it out, but it ******* pissed me off, I was trying to be friendly with this jerk and he then says this after he complimented my eyeglasses, and I'm sure this guy dresses up like sh*t day to day.. anyways I feel like I just want to punch him and don't know what I'll do next time I see him...

What should I do in this ocassion? I know I don't have to be vengeful and kick his ass or punch him or whatever, but I don't have to let others mess around with me, they have no right.

Anyways... I want to hear your thoughts, and thx in advanced.

IndigoNA

I just feel like confronting him next time I see him and banging my shoulder against his.

IndigoNA

Too much is going through my mind at the moment... I'm in the stage were I visualize mental scenes of possible things that can happened. I have visualized me beating him up... I have even visualized me being in jail for kicking the living **** out of him.

I know it may sound stupid for a little thing, but that's how I feel.

Rusty Zipper

IndigoNA stay the hell out of the bar... and wear what you like... bottom line... nobody really gives a crap what you wear...

its the self- esteam bit...

i hope i dont **** you off?

xxoo, and good wishes... zip

Anna

Well, I agree about the bar. At least for me, that's not a great place to hang out.

Self-esteem is very hard for a lot of us to learn and it's surprising how one comment can cut you right down. Use it as a lesson to try to learn that it doesn't matter one bit what some guy in a bar thinks about your glasses.

liiise

obviously the guy ain't happy with himself. you shouldn't be in bars, nothing worst than an insecure rude drunk jerk lol don't worry about it, he sounds like an a** don't take it personally AT ALL you can't change how people are, you how you react to them

aasharon90

You know.....people in bars are not themselves...they r under the influence of a substance....it affects their minds and everything else.....Of couse i didnt know that because i was one just like them when i was drinking....not cruel tho....

I know today i cant go into bars or hang around others that are drinking because it makes me feel uncomfortable for one thing.....and im not talking to a conherant person....

People that r dinking have diahrrier of the mouth.... lol you know what i mean.... : )

So staying away from people, places and things that are affected by "poison" is beeter for me and my serenity and recovery. Better safe than sorry. Right?

michski

[QUOTE=aasharon90]People that r dinking have diahrrier of the mouth.... lol you know what i mean.... : )
QUOTE]


YUP I DO know what you mean...

(((( indigo)))) Some people are just jerks and you don't have to let your imagination run wild about YOU doing something to them because with a mouth like that I am sure he probably get HIS azz kicked frequently.

I wear glasses too. I just got a new pair.. I think they're cool but one of my best friends said "Only you could get away with wearing glasses like that"
aaaarrrgggh... I didn't know how to take that so I let it slide on by

earlybird

Yeah,...your first mistake was being in a bar! Are bars still attractive to you? Anyways,....back to your question. Im assuming you're a guy. Lets analyze what would happen if you punched or shoulder nudged this jerk. Well, you'd probably get into a huge fight with him and his friends. You'd get kicked out and barred from the place forever. (not a bad thing, really) You'd be very embarrassed (I hope) and thats just the best case senarios. More than likely, you'd probably go to jail and that is what we in recovery call "old behaviors". Getting into bar fights is not condusive to recovery. Its exactly the kind of behavior that we try to change. Grown men (who arent losers) dont get into juvenile bar fights or fights, period. Its sorta trashy. That would be very "kid Rock" of you. Instead,....maybe a snappy comeback to put him in his place if must relaliate in some way,....otherwise, walk away and revel in the fact that he will probably get a DUI that night.

chicago

yeah a bar isnt a safe place to be for me personally.also carrying a resentment against the guy isnt healthy either. the Big Book states that resenments are the number 1 offender of spiritual disease. for me it makes perfect sense. when i carry a resentment, i lose gratitude. when i lose gratitude, i lose faith. when i lose faith, my self-will runs riot.

my defects are still glaring but the one defect ive improved dramatically on is resentments. i still have my moments though...

Sugah

Just one question: were you drinking?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

IndigoNA

HAHAHAHHAHA...this cracked me up.

No I wasn't drinking. There is really not much to do where I live. I regularly go to the bars. The people I go to the bars with drink normally. They know about my problem and they support me. My AA friends go to the bars too all the time, we sometimes see each other around, so I feel safe actually. I know I shouldn't, but I really feel confortable. I know it's risky business but oh well, I've always been a risk taker and I feel support. I know until were I can go.

Anyways, thanks for your words, I appreciate them. I feel much better today in the morning. I prayed last night before going to sleep that helped me too.

Peace!

Sugah

Well, in a bar, in recovery, post at 5am...I think it was a fair question. It wasn't meant to be an accusation.

So the next question I'd ask....since you've expanded a little on the circumstances (I'm glad you're feeling better about it...that prayer is a pretty cool thing, huh?) would be.... in the light of day, does (desire for) violence seem just a tad excessive? I sure hope so. I've found that one of the reasons I don't like being in "slippery places" is that I can take on the atmosphere. I can start talking tough and thinking tough, and soon, I can be acting tough. For me, there's a big difference between being in a place like that with someone or with a group who's got some goals in common with mine and being there alone. I can fit in with my friend(s), but if the prevailing attitude is one of 'get drunk and get stupid' -- and I'm alone -- what else do I have to identify with? There are certain groups of people I avoid at school because the conversation tends to run to their war stories of the previous night or weeks. My experience, strength and hope is outnumbered among them. Doesn't take much before I'm telling the same war stories -- only mine are a little older.

So, if you were with the program folks who were not drinking, then you had that to fall back to when your conversation didn't work out well? What did they say? Did they help you cope? And, if you were not with someone sober & safe, well, it doesn't surprise me that you reacted the way that you did. One of the slogans in the program is "think, think, think." We're told not to project, but that doesn't mean not to plan and think through the possible negative consequences of our plans. Maybe I'm way off the mark, but if any of this came close, glanced off, even, you may want to look at those kiss points and figure out what of it may apply to you.

Again, glad you're feeling better today. One foot in front of the other, brother.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

IndigoNA

Nah I didn't take it as an accusation. But yeah you have a point, the time I was posting, the circumstances, etc. I just go to sleep late.

I would have changed my sobriety date otherwise... hehe...

I wasn't with them at the time (AA Friends), I had seen one of them earlier that night, but I don't know why I didn't go look for him or anything I just swallowed it. Thanks for the thoughts though, very helpful, glad to feel much better today in the morning. Going to work out.

Peace.

earlybird

I just dont get it. Im sorry. You say AA friends of yours and yourself go to the bar regularly. Thats exactly what AA says NOT to do. Why would you disregard that part of the program? Surely the bar isnt THAT much fun,........or is it? Would you think it wise for a recovering addict to hang out in the crackhouse?

IndigoNA

First of all a crackhouse is way diferent than a bar in many aspects. People go to bars and don't drink, people go to bars and have only a couple of drinks like normal people do. A bar is more sociable. In this small town there is really not much to do. AA is only a SUGESTION you can do whatever you want. You can grab 1% of the program or 100% it's your choice. The only requisite to be an AA member is to have the desire to stop drinking. It's not to follow the program word by word.

My AA friends are AA fanatics. One has 10 years sobriety, another one 5 and another one 2. I'm the youngest with a little over 1. We don't go every single day of the week. Probabbly 1 time per week. Maybe 2. There are more things to do at bars than drink. You can eat, you can listen to music, you play board games, you can talk, etc. I like to be around people and hang out at night, so that's something I won't stop doing. You could tell me to go to places were people don't drink, but a lot of the people we hang out with drink socially. We are not going to drag them out of the bars, they don't have a proble, we have a problem.

I know it's risky to be in a bar. I know I'm not 100% safe there. But I feel comfortable, plus the people I hang out with are aware of my problem. The director from my rehab center said: "You'll never be robbed in a dark alley if you don't go to a dark alley". I know. But the drink is always at the same distance, from the length of your arm to your mouth. So it depends how you want to see things.

Anyways, I'm open about hearing your thoughts. I'm just being honest with myself and with you guys.

Peace!

1_day@_a_time

For me, not drinking is about 1% of the problem.

If you take alcohol away from me, I'm the same person sober.

It's my dissatisfied, my character & my behavior that must change.

For me, it's ALL ABOUT AN ENTIRE NEW CHARACTER.

Changing everything........and becoming a new person. New interests. A new life.

Steve58

[QUOTE=IndigoNA]
I know it's risky to be in a bar. I know I'm not 100% safe there. But I feel comfortable, plus the people I hang out with are aware of my problem.

I wanted to say I was sorry to see you take so much heat for being in a bar. I know small towns, I know the social aspect of bars, and I also know the value of supportive people around you.

I have been to bars where lots of people dont drink. I have been to bars where I hve not drank, It's perfectly doable. My job takes me to casinos about once a month, I have not started gambling.

I think it is up to the person. I understand, and fully respect, people who wish to avoid all forms of alcohol in their lives. But not everyone wishes to, or has too. I said in another thread somewhere that it's not alcohol that tempts me to drink, I could (and have) go stick my nose in a vodka bottle right now, and not even think about drinking it. For me, its wanting to get drunk that makes me drink to excess, plain and simple. As long as I avoid that call of the beast, I am OK. In other words, what I do comes from within me, if the suggestion of alcohol sent us all running for the bottle, there would be no recovery whatsover.

JMHO

Love,
S

requiredfield

Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all.

We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything! Ask any woman who has sent her husband to distant places on the theory he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.

So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isn't.

The most important thing to take note of here is that this is in Working with Others, and the 12th step. So yes, if you're not there, it is a good suggestion to stay away from bars, etc. In my experience, I've gone out dancing with sober ppl at clubs and it wasn't until the next day that I realized I never even one acknowleged the alcohol. That's a miracle. On another note though, my spiritual condition is not always up to par... so it's important I don't set myself up on rough days and put myself in sticky situations when I'm feeling "off the beam". It really is constant vigilance one day at a time.

requiredfield

I wanna post the rest of that, too. It's awesome.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, "Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places?" If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!
Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor