laurience

Hi! all,
I want to invite friends over during the holidays but I am weary about entertaining. I am 42 days sober. I just don't know how I would approach the booze issue. I kind of think that I will still serve alcohol and just not drink. I know I can do this. How have the rest of you approached this situation.
Joanne

best

As the hostess, you would have control to a degree.
You could ask people to help themself rather then you gathering, mixing, or filling for them.
Most find the struggle is when we go other places and a good hostess constantly pushes drinks at us. Any who say no at your gathering... they won't need worry about being asked 20 more times.
BYOB or help yourself would be simple solutions.

CarolD

My friends and family know I keep an alcohol free home.

I don't serve it there and they don't drink it there.

I just left a house full of partieers in Halloween
costumes. No drinks and I had a blast!..
All were AA members and their familys.

That was the kick off for many holiday festivities.

shockozulu

You are the hostess. You can always schedule it at a time that makes it clear, mannerwise, that booze will not be the center of attention. My friend always had the most rockin' party. It was the "party before the party" and so everyone would come for the company there before going out to the 'big' parties to drink. It was great because there were no expectations, and some people would make this their main party, others would come over to have some social fun before getting blasted somewhere else. We still do a Christmas open house based on this idea.

luv2all

When I came into AA, I was told that if I didn't want to slip, then stay away from slippery people and places. This is just my own personal opinion, but the holidays are an especially dangerous time for any newcomer to test his/her ability to stay away from that first drink!

Good luck and hugs,
Luv

c'est la vie

First of all you don't have to worry about your reaction today. I know you have to begin planning and inviting etc, but certainly not reacting. You have some time to strengthen your sobriety between now and then simply by staying sober. Each day is a battle won.

I suggest you practice how you may RESPOND rather than waiting to see how you'll REACT. This is a big difference that I'm learning in therapy. I don't lie to anyone, but I don't feel like I owe a full blown drinking history to anyone. I simply don't drink. I feel better not drinking. I'm enjoying having a clear head today. See, very simple and true.

I also really like Best's suggestion of you NOT serving anyone. If ever there was a perfect trigger, it's fixing a drink (duh!). If you have a pretty display with everything necessary, then folks won't mind doing it themselves.

liiise

that is a tough one, i'd say maybe just stick with wine and beer that's it and it they want anything they can help themselves. at christmas i know there will be one or two here drinking but nothing serious. i find it hard to say come over but don't bring any beer! just dad and sis tammy, but they are very social drinkers unlike my in-laws where i'm going christams day!!!!!!!!

Anna

I don't keep alcohol in the house either, nor do I ever serve alcohol here. That works for me.

You should do what you're comfortable with doing when the party comes along. But, don't feel that you owe an explanation to anyone, of why you aren't drinking. "No thanks" is enough.

michski

Good question.. wise of you to think ahead.

After many relapses I didn't really even socialize for the first 3 months, but that was me. When the holidays did come around I (my husband) did buy a bottle of red and one of white wine. We had a table set up with the snacks, wine, glasses and ice. If someone wanted a drink they made it themselves. I did make it a byob invitation. I kept a very pretty glass of mineral water with a lime squeeze in my hands at all times.
My friends and who was left of my family, either drank lightly or not at all. I poured any opened bottles of wine down the sink and asked who ever brought their booze to take it home with them. In my case there was a lot of left over wine, brandy etc unopened.

Having that first social occasion really strengthen the sense of my own sobriety. I think it was the first time I really felt like I belonged to myself.
I'm sure you'll feel the same way!!

Jersey Nonny

This is just what I did, becaused it worked for me.

I quit drinking just before Thanksgiving...and, I spent most of the next three months making meetings, surrounded by sober people. I don't know what it's like in your area; but, here in New Jersey, many meetings hold holiday functions for members and their families. There are also 24-hour meetings called Alca-thons...so anyone going through early sobriety or just having a rough time getting through the holidays always has somewhere to go for support.

I personally didn't do any entertaining early on, and kept the family functions to a minimum. Fortunately for me, most of my family is either in recovery or they know that I am and would rather do without a few drinks than to see me jeopardize my sobriety.

From the time I quit drinking, I didn't have any alcohol in my home; so, by the time I got around to entertaining, everyone was pretty much used to the idea and never questioned that the strongest things I served were a big bowl of fruit punch or hot apple cider.

Good luck...but, just have lots of good food and good conversation...maybe some party games (if they're willing to feel a bit silly)...and, I think you'll find the rest will take care of itself. Happy Holidays!

Etimee

I like the idea that someone said about letting them fix it themselves. I entertained over the summer and kept busy with the menu and making sure everyone was ok. I did dishes, fixed coffee, kept busy with the appetizers coming out one after the other. I had the drinks set up with glasses nearby for whoever wanted to ... could go fix it themselves while I kept busy with the music and cleaning up, getting more food out, keeping the kids busy, etc.

Good luck. Go with what YOU'RE most comfortable with and you will be surrounded by comfort!

Have fun!

Etimee

Jersey Nonny

It's funny...before I quit, I thought everyone drank! You might be surprised at how many don't really need it...might not even miss it...especially, if they have to drive home afterwards.

laurience

Wow!! Great advice and thanks for sharing. I will take it one day at a time and I will have a plan of action if and when I plan a get together.

It is funny, we often tend to worry about things that haven't even happened and most of our worrying is sooo useless. I will take it one day at a time and I will see.

I am trying not to feel overwhelmed and have to remember that I am at the controls. I have been consistently running and I feel great about that.
Joanne

IndigoNA

Think selfishly. Think about yourself 1st, 2nd, and 3rd. Who cares what others think about you/your situations. It's your life that's on the line, so you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing.

Best of luck. It's hard I know, I've been there, but you will get it in no time if you stick to it.

laurience

It is sooo hard for me to remember to think selfishly. I am always worried about others feelings before my own. I know once I get through the holidays (and I will) I will feel that much more powerful and comfortable with my decision to quit drinking.
Joanne