mamaplus2kids

For the past three months, I've been in love with someone who has been very giving, has expressed his feelings and has satisfied needs in me that I didn't think I had. Unfortunately, during the past few weeks, I've noticed that on certain occasions, he has had a tendency to drink too much. Because I've told him that I will not spend the night with him or have him at my house if he has had too much alcohol, I have found myself lonely and sad when I have had to drop him off at his house or simply leave him out with other drunk friends. I feel sad, because it seems he sometimes choses alcohol over me. But isn't it normal for guys to go out with their friends and have one too many maybe once a week?

Zoey

mamaplus, no not normal to have one too many. Normal is having one, maybe two and thats it. If he has one too many once or twice a week. I feel he is probably already addicted, and alcohol will always come first.

BohemiMamaof3

I have to agree.

embraced2000

good morning mama
do you see a pattern developing here?
mine did the same.....choosing alcohol binge over spending time in our relationship and was then would pay so much over attention to me that it was annoying at times. overcompensation.

only to do it again, and again,

alcohol is so damned powerful.....take care of yourself and your precious love that you have to offer to another. you cannot change him. what you see, is what you will get.

if you can accept the terms that he seems to be setting, please run to the nearest al-anon or other support system for your own sanity.

god bless
jeri

mallowcup

I think it is normal. Let me qualify that. I think many many men and women stop off after work Friday night and drink too much. I also think there are many many acoholics out there. I think society and the economy fascilitate drinking too much. People are working nearly 24/7. If people aren't working they are talking about their work. Stop off at any bar on a Friday night and you will hear work talk. White collar talk and blue collar talk. NY just pased the law now where you can buy alcohol before noon on Sunday. Of al the laws that need attention, this is the one that got passed. The bars in NY open at 9:30am and last call is at 4:30am, seven days a week. I think the mind set is that if it is legal, it must be OK. Alcoholics have alot of help drinking themselves to death. With the shortage of rehab and long term in house rehabs, this is NYs answer to this probelm. They make it easier to obtain alcohol and complain about the ill effects of alcohol in our society. It is very hard to make an arguement when the bars are full and the government keeps making it easier. The price of a DWI isn't going down. A freind of ours lives in Pennsyvania. He got a DWI and he said it costs $5,000.00 just to have a lawyer stand next to you in court. In NY anothr guy we know has just got his third DWI. Each DWI involed an accident. He continues to drive on a conditional license. Big fines, lawyers and no manditory treatment. He happens to be single. What about the financial hardship on families whos alcoholic keeps getting off easy?

flipsender

alcohol always comes first. It tears at you.theres no reasoning with it if your dependent,if he's dependent. Gather some research and show him some long term effects of drinking. sounds like he's early in "the game" and alcohol dependency creeps up on you SO SLOWLY, one day you turn around and life just isnt the same. There's just no depth anymore. it takes the ones that love us to give us a good smack and wake us up every once and a while. if it wasnt for my wife and child, I'd probably be drunk right now. first post.sober 6 days.

Grasshopper

Hi and welcome,flipsender.And congrats on your soberiety!!!!!
Mamaplus2kids,there are as many different patters in drinking,for an alcoholic as there are alcoholics.What may be normal,drinking ,letting it loose,once a week,may not be harmful to one,and yet it may be the start of a carreer,of drinking in another.
Whats important here is that its bothering you.Have you given any thoughts about going to Al-anon?Its one super great recovery program,for the family and friends of alcoholics.For you,own, recovery,and your peace of mind and heart.Even if he,s not alcoholic,{for only he can claim that he is or isnt}his drinking is a problem to you.Seek help,for yourself.My prayers are with you both.