Can't believe he's alive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Can't believe he's alive
I had the WORST 24 hours. Hang on, it's a long story. But PLEASE listen!!
My husband called from the city last night at 5:45 to say he would be a little late (It takes about 2 hours from door to door to commute home). I decided to really work on detaching and not worry about him. Did great. Actually joked with my 8 year old as we listened to daddy has he fumbled with his keys trying to unlock the front door at 9:00. I got up, unlocked the door and to my suprise his face was covered with blood (dry as well as oozing and his left eye was purple and blue and completely swelled shut). My daughter and I freaked. I took him away from her (then kept her away). Called my brother-in-law. He and his wife (a nurse came) and took him to a local ER (I followed after my parents arrived to watch the kids). Needless to say - now my 8 year old knows that Daddy has a problem. A problem with Alcohol. He drank too much last night and basiclaly someone hurt him. From the looks of it he was walloped in the left eye. Fell and split open his forehead. He has a few smaller bruises on the right side of his face and a large duller bruise on his back and a shoe size bruise on the front of his trunk. He also fractured his Maxilla (cheek bone)
I gather he was beaten to a pulp and kicked while he was down.
He can't remember what happed. However, a 4:45 AM he admiited himself to the detox unit (first time ever asking for help). Based on confidentiality it was hard to get info today. However, I did get to finally speak to someone (and him). He told me he was at a bar (my father checked his story and it appears as though he wasn't actually at that bar).
To make things more interesting. I checked his truck today (did I mention he drove himself home?- unable to see out of his left eye and so drunk he couldn't walk without assistance). On his front seat I found his work ID, train tickect, and various business cards covered in blood (theses are usually kept in his shirt pocket) as well as someone's cell phone (during the day the service to that phone was shut off) all in a zip lock baggie.
I asked him about the phone. He has no idea. He also has no idea what happened to him and probably lied about where he was. On top of it all he smelled odd (his shirt smelled like he as standing near a deep fryer all night - he hates fried food!!). And today I noticed that the cell phone case also has that smell.
Wow! That was difficult to write, my fingers were flying. I just needed to let you all know. I feel a little calmer now.
Thanks.
NoDoubt
My husband called from the city last night at 5:45 to say he would be a little late (It takes about 2 hours from door to door to commute home). I decided to really work on detaching and not worry about him. Did great. Actually joked with my 8 year old as we listened to daddy has he fumbled with his keys trying to unlock the front door at 9:00. I got up, unlocked the door and to my suprise his face was covered with blood (dry as well as oozing and his left eye was purple and blue and completely swelled shut). My daughter and I freaked. I took him away from her (then kept her away). Called my brother-in-law. He and his wife (a nurse came) and took him to a local ER (I followed after my parents arrived to watch the kids). Needless to say - now my 8 year old knows that Daddy has a problem. A problem with Alcohol. He drank too much last night and basiclaly someone hurt him. From the looks of it he was walloped in the left eye. Fell and split open his forehead. He has a few smaller bruises on the right side of his face and a large duller bruise on his back and a shoe size bruise on the front of his trunk. He also fractured his Maxilla (cheek bone)
I gather he was beaten to a pulp and kicked while he was down.
He can't remember what happed. However, a 4:45 AM he admiited himself to the detox unit (first time ever asking for help). Based on confidentiality it was hard to get info today. However, I did get to finally speak to someone (and him). He told me he was at a bar (my father checked his story and it appears as though he wasn't actually at that bar).
To make things more interesting. I checked his truck today (did I mention he drove himself home?- unable to see out of his left eye and so drunk he couldn't walk without assistance). On his front seat I found his work ID, train tickect, and various business cards covered in blood (theses are usually kept in his shirt pocket) as well as someone's cell phone (during the day the service to that phone was shut off) all in a zip lock baggie.
I asked him about the phone. He has no idea. He also has no idea what happened to him and probably lied about where he was. On top of it all he smelled odd (his shirt smelled like he as standing near a deep fryer all night - he hates fried food!!). And today I noticed that the cell phone case also has that smell.
Wow! That was difficult to write, my fingers were flying. I just needed to let you all know. I feel a little calmer now.
Thanks.
NoDoubt
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
NoDoubt
I am so sorry for your trouble right now, and want you to know that we are here for you and sending hugs.
It is a terrible, tragic story, but somewhere in there he found his way to Detox, so he knows he needs help. Sadly, things often have to get this bad (or worse) before they even suspect that they have a problem. It's just sad that your daughter had to see it. Maybe it's time for a talk with her so she isn't confused and scared.
My prayers go out for you and for him, and I know that God is watching over each of you.
Take care of yourself here, and try to get some rest.
I am so sorry for your trouble right now, and want you to know that we are here for you and sending hugs.
It is a terrible, tragic story, but somewhere in there he found his way to Detox, so he knows he needs help. Sadly, things often have to get this bad (or worse) before they even suspect that they have a problem. It's just sad that your daughter had to see it. Maybe it's time for a talk with her so she isn't confused and scared.
My prayers go out for you and for him, and I know that God is watching over each of you.
Take care of yourself here, and try to get some rest.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
Thank you Anns,
I did explain the situation to my 8 year old. I even had to explain it to my 5 year old. They are OK tonight. I plan on passing out as soon as I get them to sleep.
I have reached the point where I will no longer help him if he isn't willing to get help! We have a 'family meeting' scheduled with him and a counselor on frinday (his brother and best friend are going with me). I need to let him know that I will be here for him if he continues to get help. I just cannot put myself and my children through this again (we have had 2 other similar incidents - not as bad - over the past 5 years).
My eyes are burning but this is helping me.
NoDoubt
I did explain the situation to my 8 year old. I even had to explain it to my 5 year old. They are OK tonight. I plan on passing out as soon as I get them to sleep.
I have reached the point where I will no longer help him if he isn't willing to get help! We have a 'family meeting' scheduled with him and a counselor on frinday (his brother and best friend are going with me). I need to let him know that I will be here for him if he continues to get help. I just cannot put myself and my children through this again (we have had 2 other similar incidents - not as bad - over the past 5 years).
My eyes are burning but this is helping me.
NoDoubt
Paused
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Ogdensburg, NY
Posts: 30
Dear Nodoubt,
I just want you to know that I read your post and that as I go to bed tonight and on Friday I will be thinking of you and praying for you. This is really tough and so are you. You can, you and God, you can.
Dancing Queen
I just want you to know that I read your post and that as I go to bed tonight and on Friday I will be thinking of you and praying for you. This is really tough and so are you. You can, you and God, you can.
Dancing Queen
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
OK, well, I made it through the night. I really passed out. Now I have to get the girls off to school and go to work. I don't know what to tell people.
I guess a quidkened version of the truth might be OK. I can't say it was a car wreck. His truck is in our driveway and it is fine.
Thanks DQ!!
I don't really know that I am that strong. AFter my last post last night I kind of lost it with my 8 year old. She is having a tough enough time trying to understand. I blame it on only 1/2 hour sleep on Tuesday night and going all day Wednesday without any other sleep.
Today is a new day!! It is beautiful and sunny and I am going to try to enjoy it.
NoDoubt
I guess a quidkened version of the truth might be OK. I can't say it was a car wreck. His truck is in our driveway and it is fine.
Thanks DQ!!
I don't really know that I am that strong. AFter my last post last night I kind of lost it with my 8 year old. She is having a tough enough time trying to understand. I blame it on only 1/2 hour sleep on Tuesday night and going all day Wednesday without any other sleep.
Today is a new day!! It is beautiful and sunny and I am going to try to enjoy it.
NoDoubt
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((((NoDoubt)))))))
I'm so glad you had someone you could call! This must have been so difficult, and I admire the way you handled it.
I'd say he hit bottom! The only way to go is up from here! My prayers are with you.
Lyn
I'd say he hit bottom! The only way to go is up from here! My prayers are with you.
Lyn
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Wow, what a story!
God was surely watching over your husband nodoubt. And you must feel like you have been through the emotional wringer. I hope that this is the beginning of some healing for your family.
Hugs and prayers from me to you.
Peace,
Gabe
Hugs and prayers from me to you.
Peace,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Nodoubt,
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am going through simular circumstances and I know how scary it is. I agree that if someone asks what happened a shortened version of the truth is in order. I pray that he can begin to heal from this terrible disease. Be sure to get plenty of sleep tonight. Hugs, Rose
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I am going through simular circumstances and I know how scary it is. I agree that if someone asks what happened a shortened version of the truth is in order. I pray that he can begin to heal from this terrible disease. Be sure to get plenty of sleep tonight. Hugs, Rose
Member
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: NJ
Posts: 12
Hey NoDoubt,
What a night! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I have been in the ER more times than I’d like to admit with my husband. I’m so sorry your daughter had to see it…But, maybe down the line, she will remember it, and see the terrible things that alcohol can do to people…The media/commercials makes drinking seem so very glamorous, cool. Maybe this experience will make her think twice when she gets older? Just a thought.
Anyway, the last time my husband was taken to the ER, they kept him (he was in pretty bad shape, having narcotic related seizures) and then he went to a program, then an after care program, now NA/AA. He wasn’t 100% with the program at first, and he had a rocky start, but for the past 2 months he has really been with it and things have been a lot different…For the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.
hopefully,
c
What a night! I’m sorry you had to go through that. I have been in the ER more times than I’d like to admit with my husband. I’m so sorry your daughter had to see it…But, maybe down the line, she will remember it, and see the terrible things that alcohol can do to people…The media/commercials makes drinking seem so very glamorous, cool. Maybe this experience will make her think twice when she gets older? Just a thought.
Anyway, the last time my husband was taken to the ER, they kept him (he was in pretty bad shape, having narcotic related seizures) and then he went to a program, then an after care program, now NA/AA. He wasn’t 100% with the program at first, and he had a rocky start, but for the past 2 months he has really been with it and things have been a lot different…For the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.
hopefully,
c
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
I'm scared
Just got a call a message from my husband on detox. He said that they may discharge him tomorrow and want to move the family meeting up to tonight (in an hour and a half). Well, of course I'll be there!!!!
I'm affraid that I might say the wrong thing. Although, I am not one to jump on him and I do not show anger very easily. But, I find it difficult to express my feelings without getting upset (crying). I will bring some tissues just in case.
Charlotte - It sounds like you and your husband are working hard and things are getting better. I hope that that can happen for us. I just want to be happy. And, yes I think although it was very upsetting for my daughter to see him like that it may help to teach her about the awful effect that alcohol can have on people. It surely has upset him that she saw. He asked me many times while in the ER how she was and what she said and saw. It really made him think about the effect his drinking is having on the rest of us.
On a good note, the social worker at the detox center said that she and my husband have worked out after care (out patient). I hope he means it!! I plan on telling him that as long as he is trying (going for help and trying not to drink) I am willing to help him. Only as long as he is getting help!!! If he leaves the hospital and refuses help than I need to tell him that he will be on his own. I can't put my children and myself through that any more!!
Wish me luck!!!
I'm affraid that I might say the wrong thing. Although, I am not one to jump on him and I do not show anger very easily. But, I find it difficult to express my feelings without getting upset (crying). I will bring some tissues just in case.
Charlotte - It sounds like you and your husband are working hard and things are getting better. I hope that that can happen for us. I just want to be happy. And, yes I think although it was very upsetting for my daughter to see him like that it may help to teach her about the awful effect that alcohol can have on people. It surely has upset him that she saw. He asked me many times while in the ER how she was and what she said and saw. It really made him think about the effect his drinking is having on the rest of us.
On a good note, the social worker at the detox center said that she and my husband have worked out after care (out patient). I hope he means it!! I plan on telling him that as long as he is trying (going for help and trying not to drink) I am willing to help him. Only as long as he is getting help!!! If he leaves the hospital and refuses help than I need to tell him that he will be on his own. I can't put my children and myself through that any more!!
Wish me luck!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((((NoDoubt)))))
I'll do better than wish you luck--I'll pray for you tonight and through the rest of the week.
Don't worry about what you say, just be yourself. You have handled yourself very well up to this point. Also, there is nothing wrong with crying--and if I was in your shoes today, I don't know how you could be expected to have dry eyes!
More hugs,
Lyn
Don't worry about what you say, just be yourself. You have handled yourself very well up to this point. Also, there is nothing wrong with crying--and if I was in your shoes today, I don't know how you could be expected to have dry eyes!
More hugs,
Lyn
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: New York
Posts: 211
He's going to get help!!!
Well, he made the choice to get himself some help (first time ever). He looked at me and said that it is time for him to get help and that he thinks he actually needed help a long time ago. He is going on Tuesday to be evaluated at an out patient facility to determine how to get the correct amount of help.
I have high hopes. I'm trying to be positive. I do understand that people frequently have relapses so I am not kidding myself. But, I know my husband. When he puts his mind to something there is no stopping him. I tried to quit smoking dozens of times. This past December we both decided to quit and have both done it. HE hasn't even been smoking in the detox unit. HE said it is very lonely there being a non-smoker and has considered going out to the smoking section for some company (all the other patients smoke).
Thanks everyone!!!
I'll keep you posted.
NoDoubt
I have high hopes. I'm trying to be positive. I do understand that people frequently have relapses so I am not kidding myself. But, I know my husband. When he puts his mind to something there is no stopping him. I tried to quit smoking dozens of times. This past December we both decided to quit and have both done it. HE hasn't even been smoking in the detox unit. HE said it is very lonely there being a non-smoker and has considered going out to the smoking section for some company (all the other patients smoke).
Thanks everyone!!!
I'll keep you posted.
NoDoubt
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