IrshIzNotSmilin

For those of you who know me Ayers and Mega hello there. Yes it is me. Good to be back been doing alot of thinking and feel like I have been :uzi2: shot down. For those of you who do not know me and here is the updated story. AH I have come to realize has a moderate to severe (at times) dependency upon alcohol. I have decided that that is what interferes in our relationship often and although I call him a functional alcoholic with a moderate to severe (at times) dependency I find that this has burst my newly married bubble 2005. I am not a person who has been with drinkers before but I am a codependent. I realize especially this year, that his drinking has increased. I have been taking time healing since I last posted and been doing a wait and see. In May 06 I lost a pregnancy 3months into it and I lost my dad in March. This was such a traumatic time. I have always wanted the warmth and intimacy of a good loving relationship and I wanted a child and at 40 something it is difficult to say the least and it seems that now IVF would be my only route. But I will not do it despite the love I have for AH which is real and not codapendent but I can't in all honesty with myself go and do that because then unlike the first pregnancy which was unplanned and an accident this would be planned. I can't bring a child knowingly into a bad situation and this decision breaks my heart. This marriage breaks my heart. The anxiety keeps me up at nite and I know that I am headed for a break. I just don't honestly have the guts to do it yet. I have a plan and I am saving money and when I am ready I will do it. It was a dilemma but it has turned from that into some cold hard logic and reason. I do not like it and I do not like admitting I made a mistake, but I did. I thank you for reading this long post and I will be around from time to time. So good to read and see you all here again.

marriedithink

I'm sorry for what you have been through and hope that things get better.

Pick-a-name

((((IENS)))) Sorry for all your heartache. Glad you have returned. I hope you will stick around and that it will help you being here.

You will be in my prayers.

Cynay

Ahhh sweetie....

Im sooo sorry for your loss... there are no words to say to help make that better ... just have to walk through it I guess. But my prayers are with you.

I hate making the mistakes too.... but I guess I needed a good dose of humbling cuz I kept making them. Dont get too hard on yourself hon, life is a journey and if your not making mistakes then your probably not making much of a journey... Time to just learn from it and move forward in growth.

Im glad your back... stick around and relax in the support and love of SR.

prodigal

You will leave when you are ready to leave. I'm leaving my AH, and God truly knows this has been a rather, shall we say, protracted situation. I have photocopied most of our joint tax returns. I have photocopied every single shred of financial info. I can find on him. I live in a community property state. The law gives me half of what either one of us earned or lost during this marriage.

I still hang onto the guy I fell madly in love with. He is gone. Now I am faced with me. I think we stay until we are ready to allow ourselves to let go. We may not necessarily forgive them, but I believe that is okay. Acceptance of what is seems more important to me.

I'm sorry you lost a child. I know that pain because I went through it when I was about your age. It is a horrible loss. I never quite got over that loss, but I have been able to accept that it was my H.P.'s will that this being was not going to be born. Today I have a sense of relief that what I wanted so badly at that time did not come to be. Prayers are with you. We are here to listen when you want to post.

Ayers1995

Glad to hear from you.... We've missed you.

GettingBy

Hey Irish-

I was wondering how you've been. I'm sorry to hear of all that has gone on.

How about that signature? So true, eh?

Thoughts are with you,
Shannon

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hi to all of you. It is good to hear from you Ayers and Shannon hello there. I want to say you all make me feel really good and I am reading and re-reading your posts. Prodigal you posted the other day and I thanked you for your post. The words really helped me and I appreciate it very much. I will post again, just can't everyday too busy but I really love to come here during the day for the support. Thanks again because I have been feeling a little stuck .

lil'bit

Hi there! I'm back after a long absence too -- and in a not-too-different situation.

I was married in early 2003 to a guy I do love immensely. He is an alcoholic. This was not readily apparent to me in the beginning -- but it has been a huge problem throughout our entire marriage. I was on the fence about all this for so long.... and have finally decided that he has to make a choice -- enter recovery, or lose me. I'm ready to back it up now, but it took me years to make the decision -- I finally have done enough work on myself to feel ready to move out. I realize that the most loving thing I can possibly do is to tell him the ugly truth.. that the man I love isn't around much at all anymore, and I am married to a verbally abusive drunk guy instead.

I hope he chooses recovery -- for him. Yes, I'd love it if he does it in time to save our marriage, but even more than that, I hope he does it in order to save himself. If he chooses it now, he can do it with a loving and supportive partner by his side, working a program of her own. If he doesn't, he'll be without that partner -- and when and if he does recover, he'll have that loss to face, as well.

This is sad -- this is heartbreaking. I feel for you and your situation. I'm so sorry to hear about the huge loss of the child you carried, and also for the loss of the hope of a future child with him -- trust me, you are making the right choice by not intentionally bringing a child into the world with an alcoholic father! Still, I know that is grief compounded upon grief and loss.

Big hugs to you and lots of support!!!

IrshIzNotSmilin

Hello lil' I see that you originally came here to SR in 2004 and are now back but you had a long absence I see how you had the 33 original posts. WOW!! I can't thank you enough for your words of support. It frightens me to read them only that I feel how you feel and know how difficult it must have been to come to the place where you are now. I thank you for your kind words and feeling. It is so important to get that and I think our absences paid off to be able to have someone in a very similiar situation be there to speak with. Thank you and I hope to see you post again with your thoughts. Thanks alot.