Im in a tail spin
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 17
Im in a tail spin
I havent talked to my ABF since sunday except by email and im going crazy. He's trying to say that he's all stressed out and thats why he's treating me like crap and I told him thats no excuse. HE went out with one of his old friends last night who is an active drug user and never came home last night. He wont answer my calls or my text messages. He was supposed to find a ride down to see me this weekend and no results on that yet. I am going nuts and i cried myself to sleep last night and my eyes are all puffy and im exhausted. Im on the edge of tears and trying to get through work. Im tempted to leave but i feel if i do that i am then giving in to him and not staying strong for myself. can anyone help?
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Sorry you are in such pain, helpagirl
When a guy tells you he's treating you like crap, goes out with active drug users instead of talking to you, won't answer your calls or messages, that's when it's time to ask yourself, why do I want this in my life.
When my relationship got to that point, I did what I had to to get my life straightened out. I was as addicted to a sick relationship as the addict was to his substance.
Take this time to do some proactive things for yourself. Have you considered therapy?
When a guy tells you he's treating you like crap, goes out with active drug users instead of talking to you, won't answer your calls or messages, that's when it's time to ask yourself, why do I want this in my life.
When my relationship got to that point, I did what I had to to get my life straightened out. I was as addicted to a sick relationship as the addict was to his substance.
Take this time to do some proactive things for yourself. Have you considered therapy?
Last edited by denny57; 10-20-2006 at 09:32 AM.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Yes, first of all stop trying to contact him. You are degrading and disempowering yourself. And he is most like ly playing a head game with you. Trying to contact him is not taking care of YOU.
Stress is no excuse for treating you like crap. Try to figure out if you really do want to see him this weekend. And try to stay at work............for you!
Ngaire
Stress is no excuse for treating you like crap. Try to figure out if you really do want to see him this weekend. And try to stay at work............for you!
Ngaire
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
((hg))
He'll tell you anything to change the subject and deflect the blame onto you. You don't want to be treated that way, you are worth more than that.
Enjoy a nice weekend with your folks. Having and using the "me time" will help your perspective. Love is a two way street and it sounds like you're mostly on a one way only one.
Is that how he's expressing his love for you?
Don't freak but instead of trying to control him (ie who he's out with) do something nice for you. Again, enjoy the celebration this weekend, you've earned a good time.
He's trying to say that he's all stressed out and thats why he's treating me like crap
Enjoy a nice weekend with your folks. Having and using the "me time" will help your perspective. Love is a two way street and it sounds like you're mostly on a one way only one.
- Love finds a way to make things happen.
- Love cherishes the other person.
- Love respects the other person.
- Love treats the other person with kindness and loyality
Is that how he's expressing his love for you?
Don't freak but instead of trying to control him (ie who he's out with) do something nice for you. Again, enjoy the celebration this weekend, you've earned a good time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Help,
I am sorry you are in such pain, it's pretty lousy I know. I agree, him being stressed out shouldn’t have any bearing on how he is treating you. He is stressed out and his answer is to go out with his drug dealer friend? I also agree you should not phone him, after all, he’s not caring about your feelings or your worries, why should you worry about him.
I would not answer his calls when and if he called. I would turn my phone off and get some friends together and enjoy my weekend.
He’s out and about dealing with his stress doing who knows what, while you are the one crying and putting your life and emotions aside for this.
I am sorry you are in such pain, it's pretty lousy I know. I agree, him being stressed out shouldn’t have any bearing on how he is treating you. He is stressed out and his answer is to go out with his drug dealer friend? I also agree you should not phone him, after all, he’s not caring about your feelings or your worries, why should you worry about him.
I would not answer his calls when and if he called. I would turn my phone off and get some friends together and enjoy my weekend.
He’s out and about dealing with his stress doing who knows what, while you are the one crying and putting your life and emotions aside for this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Im sorry you are hurting....
Im not sure what your getting from this relationship but it looks like it is time to really start digging inside yourself and figuring out what you allow him to treat you that way.
I agree I would not continue to call, text or have any contact with him at all this weekend. You are giving him way too much power over you....
Relax and remember there is a plan for your life .... Im sure there is a reason he is in your life and a lesson to be learned... maybe think about what you have learned while being with him and you might find that its time to move on with the rest of your life.
Love should not hurt.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
I feel for you, helpagirl.
What you're going through is not at all easy or pleasant...
When my ex-girlfriend (who I now know is my drug-of-choice) pulled away from me physically and emotionally, I was a wreck. I displayed about 95% of the symptoms of a person withdrawing from heroin. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus (on anything but her-her-her), pacing, sweating, shaking with anxiety, nauseated, compulsively dialing her number (might as well have been trying to contact the dope-man), and so on. It lasted longer than I would've liked, and it hurt like hell.
It took me years of finding my "fixes" through other dysfunctional relationships (while always longing for her to return, which she eventaully did, and oh didn't that turn into holy hell shortly thereafter...) before I embraced what Al-Anon had to offer and broke my cycle of dependency on emotionally-unavailable people.
Hang in there. Read that literature you dusted off and go to meetings if you can. As they say in meetings, "If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help".
Deep breaths, helpagirl. Deep breaths...
What you're going through is not at all easy or pleasant...When my ex-girlfriend (who I now know is my drug-of-choice) pulled away from me physically and emotionally, I was a wreck. I displayed about 95% of the symptoms of a person withdrawing from heroin. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't focus (on anything but her-her-her), pacing, sweating, shaking with anxiety, nauseated, compulsively dialing her number (might as well have been trying to contact the dope-man), and so on. It lasted longer than I would've liked, and it hurt like hell.
It took me years of finding my "fixes" through other dysfunctional relationships (while always longing for her to return, which she eventaully did, and oh didn't that turn into holy hell shortly thereafter...) before I embraced what Al-Anon had to offer and broke my cycle of dependency on emotionally-unavailable people.
Hang in there. Read that literature you dusted off and go to meetings if you can. As they say in meetings, "If you try to keep an open mind, you will find help".
Deep breaths, helpagirl. Deep breaths...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Lake Luzerne
Posts: 1,786
It makes for a long night...waiting. I hope you stop waiting. I am always amazed that for as much time as they spend on leizure activities, they are so stressed. Stressed over what exactly? Let's call it what it is, it isn't stress, it's strung out, hungover, burned out. You'll probably find that anything that goes on in daylight hours is considered stress. You will have a perfect relationship if you are available from midnight till 5am, If you are willing to start your day when the sun goes down. There are people who resent the hell out the sun streaming in the window in the morning.
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