Trying to stay strong
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Saint Paul, MN
Posts: 17
Trying to stay strong
OK so I started reading my Alanon Literature again last night that made me feel really good and I brushed the dust off my daily readings and set them on my dresser so I could read each morning before work. I have been struggling because my ABF lives an hour away and because of his DWI he no longer has a car or a license. I have been driving there every weekend for months on end and paying for the gas and the wear and tear on my car plus spending the time to drive there all the time. I have so many times with him given in to what he wants and when he wants it instead of doing what I want and need. I end up resenting him for it when he doesnt even know why. This weekend he assumed I was going to drive up there to see him. My mom is closing on a new house tomorrow night so my family is going to the new house to celebrate all night long!! I am super close to my family and its very important for me to be there. I actually stood up to him this morning and said...
This is what im doing tomorrow night. I would love for you to be there and you are more than welcome to come but I will not be coming to see you this weekend. IF you'd like to be with me and come down here I would love that but you will have to find your own ride.
He was stunned!!! I am so proud of myself but at the same time it makes me want to cry and Im not sure why. maybe because Im starting to take my life back...or maybe for the fear of what he's going to do if he's mad...will he leave me? but really....im just proud I took the step and did something for me finally...but let me tell you..this is not easy!!
This is what im doing tomorrow night. I would love for you to be there and you are more than welcome to come but I will not be coming to see you this weekend. IF you'd like to be with me and come down here I would love that but you will have to find your own ride.
He was stunned!!! I am so proud of myself but at the same time it makes me want to cry and Im not sure why. maybe because Im starting to take my life back...or maybe for the fear of what he's going to do if he's mad...will he leave me? but really....im just proud I took the step and did something for me finally...but let me tell you..this is not easy!!
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Wow! Great boundary-setting!!!
I imagine there was quite a bit of fear involved in saying what you needed to say, as I've had that kind of fear when setting healthy boundaries with the alcoholics in my life. For me, it's fear of the reaction I anticipate getting ("will they be angry?" "Will they leave me?"), which is often not the one I actually get.
One of the toughest, take-a-deep-breath-pray-and -say-what-I-need-to-say moments was years ago when I told my mom (who had gotten clean by then) that I was choosing not to spend Thanksgiving that year with her and her still-actively addicted boyfriend. I explained that it was not in my best interest to be around the types of situations that end up with me feeling sick, and that the nature of the activities in that household tended to do that. As frightened as I was to make that call, I was relieved to hear that she understood. Mom's relationship with the addict has since ended, and ours remains healthy and alive! "The family situation is bound to improve..."
Al-Anon literature, daily readers, meetings, sponsorship and fellowship have been the ingredients in the medication that keeps me (somewhat) same and healthy. Al-Anon is my antidepressant...
I imagine there was quite a bit of fear involved in saying what you needed to say, as I've had that kind of fear when setting healthy boundaries with the alcoholics in my life. For me, it's fear of the reaction I anticipate getting ("will they be angry?" "Will they leave me?"), which is often not the one I actually get.
One of the toughest, take-a-deep-breath-pray-and -say-what-I-need-to-say moments was years ago when I told my mom (who had gotten clean by then) that I was choosing not to spend Thanksgiving that year with her and her still-actively addicted boyfriend. I explained that it was not in my best interest to be around the types of situations that end up with me feeling sick, and that the nature of the activities in that household tended to do that. As frightened as I was to make that call, I was relieved to hear that she understood. Mom's relationship with the addict has since ended, and ours remains healthy and alive! "The family situation is bound to improve..."
Al-Anon literature, daily readers, meetings, sponsorship and fellowship have been the ingredients in the medication that keeps me (somewhat) same and healthy. Al-Anon is my antidepressant...
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