I get no support from home
down but not out
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: shelton, ct
Posts: 41
I get no support from home
Hi everyone,
I am new here, but not to NA. I am an admitted addict since September 2004. I became addicted to my pain meds after 2 back fusion surgeries. I have been going to meetings pretty consistently over the last year or so. I relapsed a month ago today. One major issue I still struggle with is my husband. He is completely fed up with me and barely speaks to me. He will talk to me about our daughter but that is about it. I try to talk to him about my recovery etc but he says he just wants it fixed. He doesn't believe in meetings/therapy etc. He thinks at meetings we are all exchanging dealer info. I have tried to get him to go to a meeting with me or narca anon or ala non, but to no avail. His anger and disgust really effects me. Anyone else have to deal with a non supportive spouse?
Elsa
I am new here, but not to NA. I am an admitted addict since September 2004. I became addicted to my pain meds after 2 back fusion surgeries. I have been going to meetings pretty consistently over the last year or so. I relapsed a month ago today. One major issue I still struggle with is my husband. He is completely fed up with me and barely speaks to me. He will talk to me about our daughter but that is about it. I try to talk to him about my recovery etc but he says he just wants it fixed. He doesn't believe in meetings/therapy etc. He thinks at meetings we are all exchanging dealer info. I have tried to get him to go to a meeting with me or narca anon or ala non, but to no avail. His anger and disgust really effects me. Anyone else have to deal with a non supportive spouse?
Elsa
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Newfie-Land, Mo
Posts: 1,623
I welcome you to Sr...I to am recovering addict- I do have the support of my spouse, but I know what a challenge you have before you. You will find alot of support here and i hope you can work through this difficult time.
Peace
~Beezy
Peace
~Beezy
~ 5 ~
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Colorado
Posts: 305
I seem to have the support of my husband but then at times im not sure.
Im an alcoholic and like everyone have good and bad days, some days i make jokes of im gonna get drunk and gets mad at me he doesnt ever ask why, why today why do you feel like drinking what can i do to help, just a hell no you aint is about all i ever get.
I do fell very alone in my struggles sometimes but then again I kind of am alone, he doesnt have the problem i do.
Just stay strong and know that you have alot of support right here!
Krys
Im an alcoholic and like everyone have good and bad days, some days i make jokes of im gonna get drunk and gets mad at me he doesnt ever ask why, why today why do you feel like drinking what can i do to help, just a hell no you aint is about all i ever get.
I do fell very alone in my struggles sometimes but then again I kind of am alone, he doesnt have the problem i do.
Just stay strong and know that you have alot of support right here!
Krys
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 30
Hi elsa...
...First of all, a big
and welcome.
I have little support at home, too, but I manage to find it online, at places like this one.
Please remember, that no matter how "alone" you feel in recovery at times, you're not...we're always here to listen and support YOU.
Have you tried to sit calmly, and explain to your husband how his anger is upsetting for you...how you'd feel much better if you actually felt that you have his support? God knows, that's not easy...but that doesn't mean it's impossible either. Has he attended any meetings with you, so he can see first-hand that it's not about "swapping dealer info" ~ or are they "closed" in your area?
My thoughts and best wishes are with you, love.
Hazel
...First of all, a big
and welcome.I have little support at home, too, but I manage to find it online, at places like this one.
Please remember, that no matter how "alone" you feel in recovery at times, you're not...we're always here to listen and support YOU.
Have you tried to sit calmly, and explain to your husband how his anger is upsetting for you...how you'd feel much better if you actually felt that you have his support? God knows, that's not easy...but that doesn't mean it's impossible either. Has he attended any meetings with you, so he can see first-hand that it's not about "swapping dealer info" ~ or are they "closed" in your area?
My thoughts and best wishes are with you, love.
Hazel
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi Elsa,
I had little support from home either, but that was because, in my three years of drinking, I pushed my husband and kids to the limit. They just wanted me to stop and be alright. They couldn't understand what I was going through and I came to realize that I couldn't burden them with my insecurities about drinking. They didn't need that. It was my problem and I needed to fix it. I think that, in time, your husband will see from your actions that you are better and he will respond to that. It's a time when you need to be very patient and just continue taking care of yourself.
There is lots of support here at SR.
I had little support from home either, but that was because, in my three years of drinking, I pushed my husband and kids to the limit. They just wanted me to stop and be alright. They couldn't understand what I was going through and I came to realize that I couldn't burden them with my insecurities about drinking. They didn't need that. It was my problem and I needed to fix it. I think that, in time, your husband will see from your actions that you are better and he will respond to that. It's a time when you need to be very patient and just continue taking care of yourself.
There is lots of support here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 859
Hiyas Elsa!!! Welcome to SR!!!
Having little to no support is a tough one to deal with. I am sorry you are faced with the addiction alone. One thing you may want to keep in mind.....the recovery is yours, if hubby isnt being supportive, please dont let it discourage you! Do the meetings, come here and post, rather its a shoulder you need or to vent, we are all here and the support you find will amaze you!! This place is amazing! I am so glad you found us!!!! Keep posting!!
Liss
Having little to no support is a tough one to deal with. I am sorry you are faced with the addiction alone. One thing you may want to keep in mind.....the recovery is yours, if hubby isnt being supportive, please dont let it discourage you! Do the meetings, come here and post, rather its a shoulder you need or to vent, we are all here and the support you find will amaze you!! This place is amazing! I am so glad you found us!!!! Keep posting!!
Liss
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 58
Hi Elsa...
If the only thing he can talk to you about is the kids, I really suggest couple's counseling. He doesn't trust you, obviously, and your slip a month ago probably didn't help matters. Maybe you two can clear the air with a therapist as referee and determine how you can rebuild your relationship. Be forewarned, this will take a while, just as it took a while for things to get this bad. Hang in there.
If the only thing he can talk to you about is the kids, I really suggest couple's counseling. He doesn't trust you, obviously, and your slip a month ago probably didn't help matters. Maybe you two can clear the air with a therapist as referee and determine how you can rebuild your relationship. Be forewarned, this will take a while, just as it took a while for things to get this bad. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: on a journey to nirvana
Posts: 142
Hi Elsa,
I have no support from my hub about anything, so I understand. What Anna said in her post is what I have come to realize is true. It's your issue and you alone can fix it. My husband has been worse than unsupportive most of our years. I should've seen the light 19 years ago with my boyfriend, but didn't. Now the only good that has come of our marriage is my daughters...one of whom is Elsa. I am glad that he will talk about the kids with you. That's better than around here.
Time and patience and understanding that "they" can't understand has been helpful for me.
SR is a wonderful place. Good job finding it and having the courage to sign on. You'll get your support here if you ask for it.
Peace
I have no support from my hub about anything, so I understand. What Anna said in her post is what I have come to realize is true. It's your issue and you alone can fix it. My husband has been worse than unsupportive most of our years. I should've seen the light 19 years ago with my boyfriend, but didn't. Now the only good that has come of our marriage is my daughters...one of whom is Elsa. I am glad that he will talk about the kids with you. That's better than around here.
Time and patience and understanding that "they" can't understand has been helpful for me.
SR is a wonderful place. Good job finding it and having the courage to sign on. You'll get your support here if you ask for it.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Elsa, I am not an addict, my 20 year old daughter is. She has been active in her addiction for 2 years and like any good codie, I tried everything to help her. I supported her through 3 tries at quitting including one stint at rehab, one time she let me drug test her and one time she tried it solo. I know that I will not be around her for another try. This time she has to do it alone. I know that sounds cold, but I can't handle another attempt and another relapse. If she does get clean and I see it in her actions then maybe I could have a limited relationship with her, but it will be a very long time before I will trust her with my heart again. Maybe your husband is scared. When our addicts come back to us even for a short time and then relapse, it is almost worse than if they had never had clean time to begin with. Just a thought. But I would like to say to keep trying even if your husband does not seem supportive. I hope my daughter finds recovery even if I don't want to be along for the journey. I do pray for her daily. Marle
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 348
That must really hurt you. My husband is on the fence. I think he just doesn't want me to have a problem although he knows I do. He doesn't understand addiction and thinks the reason I have a problem with alcohol is because I drank too much when I was young. He will listen when I talk but I can tell he would rather change the subject in a heartbeat. I almost think it makes him uncomfortable. Hopefully with time, your husband will see the changes in you and the 2 of you can build a trusting relationship again. Best of luck.
Joanne
Joanne
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