XAH has remarried..
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XAH has remarried..
Well the girls at the local carryout sat me down tonight and told me that my XAH's alcoholic/meth hooch called s friend of theirs in the middle of the night drunk as heck last night to invite him and his wife to her wedding today....alot of notice huh? The man told her off for calling in the middle of the night and told her she wrote him a bad check....and that he will turn it over to the sheriff's office if she didn't make good on it and to put my ex on the phone so he could tell him what a big mistake he was making..of course she wouldn't. When the girls told me this it brought instant tears...I have been crying ever since I heard the news. We have been divorced for a month now and he's already married to the hooch. In my logical mind I know that he really cant be with anyone else with the HIV and syphyllis thing but my heart hurts so badly. I feel like that the last year and 3 months have just all been a bad dream and that I will wake up soon. But I never wake up....why is life so darn hard? I can't even tell the kids yet and I have decided to wait. For what I don't know but I am. This HURTS !!!!!!!!!!!!! He was supposed to be mine and this wasn't supposed to happen to me. I hate meth and alcohol sooooooooo much. It took something so very precious from me. Sorry for ranting and venting.....
Janit
Janit
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Hi Pick and Denny...I have had no contact with him since he left..Jul 2005 and the kids wont have anything to do with him either. The only way I got things off my chest was at the courthouse before our hearing..and he never said a word back to me....
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I know you're really hurting, but look at what your ex is doing: it's downright crazy and now he's married a crazy person. He was going off the deep end and he needed someone like him to hang onto. Birds of a feather ....
Of course it's tearing you up to see him trash his life, but this is the tragic path he has chosen. This is a bitter pill you must swallow. You can take his betrayal of you and your kids personally or you can see it as someone who became very ill and followed the logical path of someone in the throes of addiction. He is doing what addicts do. I don't think he did this to harm you. I don't think he understands that you take this personally. It's a mess and it's his mess. You are going to have to let go. The man you loved is gone and it appears he is never coming back.
It's very, very sad.
Of course it's tearing you up to see him trash his life, but this is the tragic path he has chosen. This is a bitter pill you must swallow. You can take his betrayal of you and your kids personally or you can see it as someone who became very ill and followed the logical path of someone in the throes of addiction. He is doing what addicts do. I don't think he did this to harm you. I don't think he understands that you take this personally. It's a mess and it's his mess. You are going to have to let go. The man you loved is gone and it appears he is never coming back.
It's very, very sad.
the girl can't help it
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((((Janitw)))))
I am sure it does hurt. Nothing dies a harder death than our dreams and hopes. I am so sorry. It is a process of greif that you are going thru. In someways I think it is almost worse than going thru a death.
Is it possible your kids know? If they don't maybe you ought to tell them so they don't hear it from someone else.
I know that right now you are hurting really bad but, hopefully you will find some good. At least you are not putting up with his "stuff" anymore and hopefully there is a blessing to be had in that alone...
I am sure it does hurt. Nothing dies a harder death than our dreams and hopes. I am so sorry. It is a process of greif that you are going thru. In someways I think it is almost worse than going thru a death.
Is it possible your kids know? If they don't maybe you ought to tell them so they don't hear it from someone else.
I know that right now you are hurting really bad but, hopefully you will find some good. At least you are not putting up with his "stuff" anymore and hopefully there is a blessing to be had in that alone...
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Oh Janit I am so sorry. Have a 
Yes it does hurt something awful. I know cuz I remember what a mess I was when I left my wife. None of this was supposed to happen to you, or to me, or to anybody else. But it did happen, and as much as it hurts we get up and keep on going. That's why our HP gave us programs and friends and places like SR, so that we don't have to do it alone.
One of the best things of recovery is that _I_ get to choose when to wake up from my nightmare. I chose to wake up the day I left my ex-wife with her 3 boyfriends. That's when my nightmare ended and the begining of a new life started. Ok, so my new life has it's own problems, I'm old, can't find work, got health problems, savings running out but it's still _my_ life and I can live it any way I want to.
I will always miss the woman that I married, but she's gone now. There's a different person there. It's no different than if she had been killed in an accident. She's not there anymore. I choose to remember the happy parts of that 20yr marriage, and the lessons I learned about _my_ unhealthy, "codie" behaviors. Today I have a nice little place to live in, my health is still good enough to get a simple deskjob, I have new friends, and am getting close to getting a date (... soon ... I hope .... )
Pick a day Janit, a day when _you_ decide your nightmare is over and your new life starts.
Mike
Yes it does hurt something awful. I know cuz I remember what a mess I was when I left my wife. None of this was supposed to happen to you, or to me, or to anybody else. But it did happen, and as much as it hurts we get up and keep on going. That's why our HP gave us programs and friends and places like SR, so that we don't have to do it alone. One of the best things of recovery is that _I_ get to choose when to wake up from my nightmare. I chose to wake up the day I left my ex-wife with her 3 boyfriends. That's when my nightmare ended and the begining of a new life started. Ok, so my new life has it's own problems, I'm old, can't find work, got health problems, savings running out but it's still _my_ life and I can live it any way I want to.
I will always miss the woman that I married, but she's gone now. There's a different person there. It's no different than if she had been killed in an accident. She's not there anymore. I choose to remember the happy parts of that 20yr marriage, and the lessons I learned about _my_ unhealthy, "codie" behaviors. Today I have a nice little place to live in, my health is still good enough to get a simple deskjob, I have new friends, and am getting close to getting a date (... soon ... I hope .... )
Pick a day Janit, a day when _you_ decide your nightmare is over and your new life starts.
Mike
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I know you are right - but I guess I still believe in miracles....I know he's never coming back and it is just so hard to let go you guys....the news hurts and that is the truth and it doesn't matter if he tried to hurt me or if its what you say that it is just par for the course it just plain hurts. OMG he married her you guys !!!!!!!!! WTF.
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Mike - I thought I was over him I thought that the day I had to pick was the day of the final hearing I thought - I thought - I thought....I have come to realize that I don't know sh!t. And maybe I just need to quit thinking so much.
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(((Janitw)))
I'll keep you and your kids (and him) in my prayers.
I had forgotten he has no contact with you and the kids. By all means, they should hear it from you rather than from someone else. Or if they did,they maight be afraid of telling you because they know how badly it would hurt you. JMO
You will be able to comfort and support each other.
I am so sorry this has happened...all of it.
I'll keep you and your kids (and him) in my prayers.
I had forgotten he has no contact with you and the kids. By all means, they should hear it from you rather than from someone else. Or if they did,they maight be afraid of telling you because they know how badly it would hurt you. JMO
You will be able to comfort and support each other.
I am so sorry this has happened...all of it.
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Oh I'll be okay you guys...I'm such a baby i guess...I do think it is funny that the one person she chose to call and invite has a bad check from he..lol put that in her pipe and smoke it.
Janit
Janit
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Originally Posted by Janitw
Oh I'll be okay you guys...I'm such a baby i guess...I do think it is funny that the one person she chose to call and invite has a bad check from he..lol put that in her pipe and smoke it.
Janit
Janit
I thought that was kinda poetic (and pathetic),too.
Janitw
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Originally Posted by Janitw
OMG he married her you guys !!!!!!!!! WTF.
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
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Janit:
He doesn't love her. His addiction comes first, as we've all learned. He married her because he needs a new codie. Be grateful that he's no longer your problem. Like Prodigal says, birds of a feather flock together. They deserve each other.
He doesn't love her. His addiction comes first, as we've all learned. He married her because he needs a new codie. Be grateful that he's no longer your problem. Like Prodigal says, birds of a feather flock together. They deserve each other.
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Just wanted to say I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, Janit. I can imagine this must hurt like hell. But I agree with FD. For him, this has nothing to do with love. It's desperation. For you, always remember to count yourself blessed to have been unaffected by his lifestyle. You have the rest of your own life to live, and when you're ready you can work on making it great and leaving this mess behind you. (HUGS)
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Originally Posted by Janitw
Mike - I thought I was over him I thought that the day I had to pick was the day of the final hearing I thought - I thought - I thought....I have come to realize that I don't know sh!t. And maybe I just need to quit thinking so much.
I think you know all the things that are important. You know that your HP loves you, and you know that you love your little ones. I dunno about you, but for me that's all I really need to know in life. Everything else is just details.
So enough about him. What about you? What are you doing for yourself and your little ones today? How are you moving forward with _your_ life and _your_ future? I went to a meeting today and shared a little about a friend that just passed. I started to cry and couldn't finish, but that's ok, I got it out. I'm going on a interview tomorrow, and thursday I got another interview. I'm not looking back anymore, I'm looking forward.
Have a big
Janit, cuz you deserve itMike
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A marrriage built on shared vices and STDs. A wonderful start. I wouldn't tell the kids anything. They were omitted. More than the information of it, they will just realize they weren't included. It will only further confuse and hurt them. I wouldn't rush in telling them anything. Kids do get mad at the messenger. I would shelter them from him. I'm so sorry you are feeling this pain. Your ex has made a statement by doing this. There is a wonderful man out there somewhere praying for a wife just like you. This wedding sounds like some middle of the night drunken decision. This is necessary pain.
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