prodigal

Okay, most of you know how I found an empty pint Scotch bottle in one of his gym socks several years ago. No, I wasn't looking ... I was cleaning out a closet and the cat started batting around a VERY stiff looking sock!

Our new washer broke down after just five months. I am waiting on a part that should be here today or tomorrow. In the meantime, I've been putting the dirty laundry in big leaf bags out in our garage. Today I'm driving to the laundrymat to do about a zillion loads of laundry. I picked up the bag, figuring I'd divde the mess into two bags. The bag was heavy and hard. That pretty much tipped me off, but I had to sort all the stuff so out came an empty fifth of vodka, an empty bottle of Merlot, and one of those four-packs of small plastic bottles of wine of the rot-gut variety. He drinks wine in front of me, and it's no big deal for him to just up and go to the store at 9:15 on a Sunday evening to get a fix (more wine).

What is the point? The dirty laundry bag? Like I wouldn't look there???? Hey, SOMEONE has to get the clothes washed - we're running out of underwear!! LOL!!!

cwohio

i don't know if they just don't want anyone to know HOW much they are drinking or if they are just ashamed. i haven't even begun to clean up some of the piles of stuff in my house and I'm sure I'll come across some empties along the way. it used to make me mad, now it just makes me sad!

denny57

I agree - it's the ones being hidden - the excess. It is sad.

guyinNC

They feel ashamed and guilty is my guess. I also wonder if secretly or subconsciously want us to find them. A cry for help?

Pick-a-name

My parents bought my grandparents house back in 1961. When my dad moved out a few years ago,he was STILL occassionally finding some of my Gpa's old hidden bottles!! (Weirdest of all is when my sister went into rehab., I suggested that this Gpa also must have been an alcoholic (to this day the smell/taste of bourbon reminds me of him and he died when I was 7yr....my dad swears his FIL just like to drink a little....good grief! )

I sometimes think they either don't want people to see how much (only part of it in plain sight) or they don't want to see it and know it themselves! This is the way my AH was....demanded I not recycle his beer cans (for charity,no less!)! The big gargage bages of of at least 70 cans a week was something he did not want to see/acknowledge. Denial is a bit harder that way...but not impossible!

DESIGNER

When i started finding bottles of vodka hidden around the house and in his car(yes I went looking) that is when I new that I was dealing with a very scary issue. I knew that it had gone beyond a young guy just wanting to party and having a good time. I got really scared at that point and at first I was furious because I did not understand why but I am like everyone else now I am just saddened by it.

Kellye C

I'd say from personal experience it is part guilt and part denial. He doesn't want you to see HOW MUCH he drinks and he doesn't want to face it either. Right after I started AA I had someone go with me to the dumpster and we tossed out so many bottles out of my trunk it was unreal. We laugh about it today but I was so mortified at the time.

Big hugs to you Prodigal,
Kellye

cmc

It makes me think... if I wanted to hide something that should be tossed in the trash.. there are dozens of ways to do it where nobody would ever know. When my daughter was diagnosed with diabetes at age 7 she pretty much accepted what was going on like it was just a bump in the road. Later on she began to go through the stages of grief that adults do when some serious illness or event occurs.
It was in those few years afterwards that I saw a cycle of behavior much like what is described in these posts. She would sneak ALOT of candy and hide the wrappers in the oddest places in her room. She could have taken them to the garbage can, tossed them at school etc... why this? Yes, maybe wanting to be caught, I don't know. We certainly had a very accepting attitude if she wanted to eat such things... this was pure excess. (Wholesale size boxes of candy)
I think it's the same shame and anger that a person feels for wanting something that they know they should not have, the frustration and anger of not being like 'other people.' Not being able to have candy like the other kids in my daughter's case or not being able to have just a few beers or glasses of wine for the alcoholic- yet doing it any way. Of course with substances involved, it could also be that someone is so impaired in their thinking that they really believe the 'stuff' is hidden so well.... jmo

laurie6781

When I was 16 I was hiding booze under my bed, in my closet, in my locker at work, in my locker at school, in my car, in the toilet tank in the bathroom, in the Kotex box and anywhere else I could think of.

Now the irony of this is that I was allowed to drink at home and had been for some time. It wasn't until I had been sober a while and was working on me that I came to understand....................................I WAS HIDING THE BOOZE FROM ME..............................IF I DIDN'T HAVE IT OUT IN THE OPEN, IT WAS A PROBLEM, roflmao. Can we say DENIAL here? lol

In the years that have followed and talking with many sober alkies over these many years, I have come to realize....................yes of course we were all in denial and the hiding of the booze was just part of that denial.

I used to here in AA "alcoholism is the only disease that will tell you you don't have it." boy is that one true for this alkie!!!!!!! lol

J M H O

Love and hugs,

CatsTail

For me it was two things I didn't want to acknowledge how much I was drinking and I certainly didn't want othe rpeople to see it.

Ngaire

TexasGirl

Hmmm, this is one thing I have never experienced with my husband. Guess he figured he had nothing to hide from either of us.

StandingStrong

I never experienced the hiding of bottles either. However, that was probably because I had set a boundary of sorts and AH knew that drinking here was no longer allowed. The few times he'd try it, he knew by my ignoring him that I wasn't happy and therefore after one beer, the rest would sit in the fridge until he'd finally just take it elsewhere. We have spoken about this in recent years and he's admitted that he did it just to test me basically as it made him angry that he couldn't even drink a beer in his own home when he wanted too.

The one thing that always amazed me was when he would come home and I'd know he'd been drinking. I'd ask him or state that he'd been drinking and he'd say he had two. yea - right - that must have been why he was standing there swaying, getting sick, etc. Why he tried to lie to me is still beyond my comprehension when it was such an obvious lie.

I believe though in my situation, it was AH not wanting to admit just how much he'd drank. I think he thought that the more he drank, the more angry I'd be. When in truth, he never realized that I got to the point that any drinking at all brought on a whole wealth of feelings!

I don't know the answer to your question really as I believe that it's probably a little different per individual. But it still just amazes me to what lengths they will go to hide & deny their problem when the truth is, if there was no problem, there would be nothing to hide.

lostnotfound

"2 beers" was always the magic number for AH. He would be slurring and swaying while telling me that's how many he had. He would also hide his empty beer bottles all over the garage. It's not like I didn't know he was drinking, so I don't know why he bothered.

jrose123

Hi,
I guess my parents weren't too ashamed. When I was 8 yrs old I remember they would line the wine bottles-Gallo Tokay at the time, some vodka- anyway, we would have to pass through this type closed area to get to the bathroom and they would be all lined up in a row. About 20 or so.

I guess that's why we could never bring our friends over to the house like most kids did. It's funny, as an adult, I still have a hard time having visitors over. Dumb huh?
Thanks, for letting me share this

jrose123

Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil

Pick-a-name

HAHAHA.....have you EVER heard an alcoholic ever say they have had more than "2 beers"?!! Well, except for "a few"......probably why AH always thought/thinks I "exagerate" about his drinking being a problem. Go figure!

deax

This was definitely an issue for my ex. He resented not being able to be like other people, that drinking had to be a problem for HIM. He loved like, barbecues and holidays and simple everyday life situations in which people are just kicking back and BSing and having a good time together. And he couldn't eliminate drinking from those scenarios. It was just part of the culture or the experience. And every time he'd quit (again) he'd say, "that's it, I can never drink again the rest of my life, I'll never taste a beer again" and I could always hear the sadness and the resignation inhis voice. And it wasn's something he was doing on purpose, it was sincere, and it almost made me feel bad for him! And in a bar environment, he had an attraction to the partiers, the loudest and most rowdy bunch. There was an allure to that for him and he wanted to hang out with those people. So no matter which environment he was in, he couldn't seem to tae alcohol out of the equation. So with a tie that strong, the impact has to be minimized and hidden, I guess. He just can't or won't see things for what they are.

queenteree

My husband too always has only "2" beers (even sometimes, while he's drunk and swaying says "not a one") go figure - I guess when they're that drunk, they think nobody notices. He also hides empty beer cans, and I used to find them and get angry. Now I just think it's pathetic. As for what deax said above, I think it would devastate my husband also to know he could not drink again. I think that's why he won't accept his problem. He's been down that road before, and didn't drink for over 14 years, so now he's back to the old "I let it get out of control" speech again. A's are famous for that one too. That way they can still "drink in moderation" (yeah, sure).

Cynay

Wow.... 14 years sober....

*hugs*

AllTooSober

Yeah, no kidding... 14 sober years, and then poof, back to drinking? Does anybody else in the middle of hoping their SO sobers up find that amazingly depressing?