Etimee

Lately, I feel the "need" to drink. I don't want anything in my cupboards, so I poured it down the drain!

It is at night when the feeling gets strong, especially after my dd goes to bed. I am home with my dd, dh is away. So it is not like I can go out. I am stuck with myself!

You cannot believe the anxiety or maybe you can! The only thing to do is go to bed, sometimes it's torture. I want to scream. I cry. I am now.

I don't want it. WTF is going on?

Tonight is only a few hours away. I dread it!

Etimee

Anna

Hi Etimee,

For me, the middle of the night is the worst time too. I always have trouble sleeping and those wee dark hours can seem so dismal. It's a good thing that we never keep alcohol in the house, because those are the times that are the most tempting.

Maybe you can try to find a good book to read or movie to watch to take your mind off things for a few minutes.

I wish you well.

Sugah

Do you have f2f support? If so, perhaps you can call one of the folks from meetings and talk through the tough part.

If not, can you find face to face support? It may not be an option for the short term (tonight), but building a f2f network (for me, AA meetings) is not only helpful but critical for some people. Left on our own, we can rationalize anything, no matter how damaging to ourselves and our sobriety.

For tonight, remember -- unless you're going through alcohol withdrawals, you and your body don't "need" alcohol. Your mind wants it. But you don't need it. Try not to think about getting through the whole night. Try to find things to occupy you an hour at a time. One of the reasons that most AA meetings are held at 8pm is because that's when a lot of us get hit with that urge to have a drink.

Also, something that I have learned that's a lot easier to say than to do at times is not to live a few hours from now. Your dd (daughter?) is there with you. If your mind is spinning, thinking about this evening, that's a good portion of your attention that could be spent being with her. Now -- this moment -- is all we really have to deal with and can deal with.

I'll say a prayer for you right now. Hang in there, Etimee.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Etimee

Thanks Sugah,

I am actually fine with my daughter. It's after she goes to bed. Thanks for your advice. I appreciate it.

I am going to go and pick up my little sunshine from school now! I will check in later.

Thanks again!

Etimee

c'est la vie

Etimee, You know that I know how you feel. It's exactly my situation (sorry, it WAS my situation.) I used to look forward to my husband traveling since it kept my evenings open for unbridled drinking - at home, alone (oh how fun). When I was trying to quit, it was terrible to have him gone. All I could think about was drinking. It took boatloads of motivation to find things to get my mind off of alcohol when I'm at home alone. I spend a lot of time here and now I've added meetings and talking to other women since SR wasn't enough for me lately.

You know how to find me if you want to "chat". I'm here for you whenever you need someone.

CarolD

I often think those drinkers who were "home based alcoholics" have a more difficult time staying sober!


Here is something that I did experience..
Cravings....

In early recovery . I timed my cravings.
Mine were 5/7 minutes in duration.
I can overcome most things for that short time!

I took action during that space.
Brushing my teeth...eating a Lifesaver...drinking water
(notice the oral connection?)

The longer I stayed sober they lessened in both frequency and intensity.

Keep going forward...

Etimee

C'est,

Thank you very much. I have been doing fine since before the summer. It was just this last week. I felt that old feeling and it makes me sick! I never want to go back to the way I used to feel and just the thought that something is gnawing at me to give in, to do it. This is not the feeling of oh, let me just have a casual drink, no problem. This is that feeling like I want to get toasted, there are things going on in my life that have me a wee bit tensed! OMG, how I need SR!

Thank you and I know I can always count on you. Thanks for that reminder.

Etimee

Etimee

Just want to add that even sharing this and talking about it relieves me. There is nothing here to drink. It is the torture of feeling like I need it. It is really sick! I am, as always, so grateful to SR and to all of you, my angels, my friends!

Etimee

C'est,
He's been away over a month now and I only felt this way only in the past week. I have some health and legal issues going on, both of which will end and life will be back to normal. But oh man, it's this that has me feeling this way.
I won't drink, but I am beside myself with these feelings. They are overwhelming me.
Thanks.
Etimee

miss communicat

Etimee, friend,

This was exactly my difficulty too. Nightime. Quiet house, my "exhale" and relax time. Everyone is sleeping, and I FEEL my stress and tensions weigh in.

I can only say to you, I understand. I really do. Do not drink tonight. Just take it this 1 day at a time. Even 1 hour increments!

For one hour, indulge in a stress relieving warm aromatherapy bath. Massage your feet with special oil. Make a cup of amazing hot cocoa with whipped cream and sprinkle some cinnamon on top.

Watch a show or movie, or read a book, or, come back here and read some threads that will center you again on your resolve not to drink.

Soon, the time will have passed.
Tomorrow is going to be another day, and it will be a better one if you do not drink today.

(((((((((Warm hugs to you!!))))))))))

Etimee

That's it! Thanks for your support.

It feels so good and promising that this is passing and I will feel better. Just the sharing of it here really really helps to let it out!

I know I won't drink tonight, I just dread that feeling of need again. I will write, stick around here and try to get to bed early. I didn't sleep well last night so I am very tired!

Thanks Miss C!

Smyle

Glad you are back ...I missed you this summer !!!!

Stay busy and just remember how crappy you will feel if you give into your disease....

~Beezy

Etimee

Hi Beezy!

Thanks. I missed you too. I had no internet but I did have one of the best summers I have ever had. It was really great.

I will stay busy. This board helps immensely.

Thank you.

Etimee

Hah! On top of everything, I just welcomed my monthly visitor! Mmmm could that have been part of all this tension?

janeeyre

Hi Etimee!

I felt just like you a couple weeks ago. It's SO annoying to be so on-edge and unhinged and just want to drink it away! I paced the floor like a caged lion and ate chocolate like crazy. Since getting out of the house wasn't an option, I logged in here and posted on the "moms staying sane while not using" thread and that got me through. (Bless this place!) Oh, and surprise--turns out it was PMS time.

Hang in there! You can get through it, and you know how good it feels to conquer those dumb cravings when they come along.

Jane

Etimee

Thanks Jane, you said it! I was pacing like a caged lion! That is exactly how it felt. OMG! Yes and I did steal a Chocolate Hot Fudge Sundae Poptart from my dd the night before last too!
I knew coming here would make me feel better and help me get back on an even keel. Ugh! I truly love this place.