frozen

I just saw my husbands alcoholism 1 month ago. When this all stated 5 monts ago he would argue with me and leave the house, all my gut feelings came true when I discovered he was having an affair. The alcoholism was certainly going on for years and I didnt see it, I was just confused as to why he had an affair and was telling me he wasnt in love with me anymore, said he never really was. He moved out and refused counciling, said we were over, he wanted me to let him go. said he didnt care if he lost his business, his house or anything, he just wanted to jump on his Harley and go where ever he ended up. Said he tried the father thing and the marriage thing and had changed as a person and why should he honor a vow he took 16 years ago. One night he invites me to dinner and asks if I want him to come home, I said yes, more than you know, with counciling. We g to counciling and he says the same stuff, how he wants to be alone and how he only came back because I asked him to. They realize after the rest of the meeting what te problem is and ask us to come to counciling seperatly. At my session she says "Oh boy, he is a severe alcholic" When he comes home from his he cries and says I know I have a drinking problem, says he knows he has to quit but is afraid he cant. he had also gone to his MD the same day (Who I had written a letter to) and says the Dr. is also sure the drinking has lead to his health and emotional problems. He is referred to a physciatrist (hasnt seen him yet) Next day he says he will cut down but wont give up drinking socially. Next day lies to m about where he is going and comes home drunk, says he was with George, he wasnt. Hasnt said he loves me in months. We have been intimate. I tol him if he only wanted to come back because I wanted him to he could leave and file for divorce, he says he doesnt want a divorce. I dont kno how I am ging to deal with the lying and cheating and the affair. Could it have only been because of the alcohol? Do some alcholics womanize ? He never once made a crude comment about another woman or so much as looked at them in an inappropriate way in my presence before. Do you think he wont say I love you because he knows I wont put up with this behavior for too long and doesnt want to open up to me because he is afraid of failure?

smoke gets in my eyes

Hello Frozen.

Welcome to the recovery forum.

Lot's of people break relationship and other social rules as a result of using alcohol. The trouble is, unless and until the alcohol is out of the way, there's not much way to determine what's causing what. I hope you will consider going to alanon, or at least getting some of the literature. There's also a list of books that some of our members have found helpful in the "power posts" section of this forum. It's titled "book club".

You'll find a lot of support on these boards and in the rooms of alanon. Whether you decide to stay in the relationship or not, it's good to communicate with people who have been through, or are going through the same things.

Keep posting!
Hugs,
Smoke

JT

Frozen,

I am not one to blame alcohol for all the troubles of the world. Some men are jerks and some are jerks that drink, I have been married for 20 years and my husband is an alcoholic. He has not cheated on me or run off in a fit of midlife crisis. And if he did...I would tell him to enjoy his new life.

Have you looked into Alanon? There is alot of good reading around here too.

Welcome...make yourself at home.

Hugs,
JT

faithinbrian

((((Frozen)))))
hang in there and keep reading you will find alot of support here and check out the book club, it has lots of good info, I agree. MY ex did the same to me, told me when I suggested counseling for us both that I wasnt worth the hassle it was going to take to put "US" back together again. Well I have slowly learned I am worth it! keep reading and posting the people here are wonderful!!!!!!!!!

matters

Welcome to a super place frozen!!

I know that not all the husbands who have a drinking problem cheat. My husband is an alcoholic and he did more than his share of cheating when he was into going out to the bars and had more energy to keep up with the whole crazy life he was living. We have been married 25 yrs. and now he drinks at home. When he gets drunk he passes out on the couch and that is the extent of his fun night. He used to beable to drink hard liquor with his friends and now he sticks to beer.He'll say" I am getting old". After all those years of drinking a person does have a reason to age alittle faster.

I think he finally came to the realization that the cheating game was just the wrong game to play and only led him to MORE trouble than it was worth.

Keep coming back and read all the info!!

Take care,
matters