dinkies77

This is my first time posting and I am at my wit's end. I think I have been in a lot of denial about my drinking problem for quite some time. I went out after work last night with my boss and two colleagues and I have no recollection of what I said to my boss. I am dealing with so much anxiety right now I am having a hard time coping. I dont know what to do to make myself feel better and all I can do is fixate on things that I possibly could have said.
To make matters worse, I had a huge fight with my husband last night and he confronted me and told me that I need help. I kind of feel like I do too but I dont even know where to start. I just feel so hopeless right now....

ANGELINA243

Hey dinkies77,
You are in the right place. I know what you are going through as well as so many other of us here. Keep posting/reading other threads. It helped me out a great deal in the beginning--just reading what other people had to say--what they were going through. We at SR are here to help you with your recovery.

kcathometaz

welcome dinkies77...I hate that feeling too "what on earth did I do or say last nite?"...
No since in worrying about it though...its probably alot worse in your own mind than in reality....the first thing you can do is admit to yourself you have a problem...and start taking steps to your own recovery...you do not have to live with booze...make an appt with a counselor this week and check in to some AA meetings in your area...read up on alcoholism here on this site and elsewhere on the web...do not beat yourself up...believe me it does no good...if you think you have a problem you probably do.....you can get better! and I think you will!

cubbie

It is good that you have visited the site. I have had similar experiences in the past. I have not always handled those situations in the best manner possible. As I grew older, I made it a point to acknowledge the black out and apologize to all possible offended parties. I now realize that the people who truly cared about me are the ones that did not brush off the incidents. They were the ones that saw that I needed help even when I didn't think I needed help. The ones that responded with replies of "don't worry about it" were the ones that didn't want me to stop drinking.

WEE DEE

Welcome dinkies77

I was right where you are now over 2years ago. It is a horrible place. But you can get through this. It's good your husband wants you to get help but before things get better you need to admit then accept that you have a problem.

I suggest that you have a long think about things and make a decision about what you are going to do. If you drink again do you think the same crap will come into your life. If the answer is YES then STOP. Try meetings and use these boards to help you cope. See you doctor if you must.

I had to face the people in my work and admit that I was out of control and offer an apology. You will get over the shame and humiliation and hurt in time but only if you stop drinking. If you don't you'll just have more hurt to follow.

I'm routing for you as you've touch an nerve for me.

Take care.

Love.
D.xxx

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.
Alcoholism is a disease and it is progressive.
I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite book on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.

Blessings...

Anna

Hi Dinkies,

Welcome!

I so remember that awful feeling of 'What did I say, what did I do' and then, how I can fix it? My anxiety level dropped a lot when I stopped drinking!

Start by taking small steps. Don't drink today and take a look around our boards. There's lots of information and support.

dinkies77

It really is such a terrible feeling. I cant believe that I do this to myself over and over again. And every time I go out with co-workers or my boss, I have myself convinced I won't black out and give myself paralyzing anxiety the next day. I spent the entire begining of the day tracking down my friend that I was out with trying to get reassurance that I didn't do anything horrendous. I feel like such a loser right now.

WEE DEE

Dinkies,
What's done is done I'm afraid. You will get over this and get to a stronger and calmer place. But no point lying to you - if you drink again the chances are you will sink right back under that wee cloud you are under just now.

Even if you can't admit you are an alcoholic - can you perhaps admit that when you drink you are not in control of what you get up to.

If I drink I know without a doubt that one day I will wake up cringing with desperation about what I did the night before.

I isolated myself from so many people with my drinking

People get fed up hearing you say sorry for what you've done. Especially if they know you are gonna just go out and do it again.

Say it to them and mean it. Stop drinking.

d.xxx

bob123

hey dinkies
urgh.. drinking at work...blackouts and the painful anxiety trying to
work out if I had done or said anything terrible. Its horrible and im thinking of you.. glad you have hubbie on your side.

ive been in that cycle for about 18 years..not had a drink for nearly 3 months now..

Even been to a few work functions supping diet coke.. feels a bit strange, but feels
great in the morning!

theres lots of support and useful resources here.. also checkout smartrecovery and aa

dinkies77

I really am longing for the peace of not having to worry if I did anything totally embarassing. My boss likes to drink a lot at lunch and I have kind of become her drinking buddy. So that is another thing I am concerned about. I guess I can just take it one day at a time.

CarolD

Hmm...

This CAN be the last day this happens to you!

bob123

problem I had ...was when I found out I hadnt done anything to bad...I had a feelinng of getting away with it..
and next time round I drunk again..then went through same anxiety after blackouts..repeat for 18 years..

only way I can get rid of that anxiety and pain... is to not drink

dinkies77

I do the same thing! I figure that since I didnt offend anyone that I am allowed to drink again. Its really so exhausting!!!