Lollipop

I am sooo tired!!! I have had so many deaths, bad news etc.... I am sick and I am TIRED...hubby is of no help, in fact , is makin it worse, no job, no income, no support, very depressed, doesnt include himself in ANYTHING at all, no dinner (he takes his plate to the bedroom) no help with the boys (Didnt even tell our son Happy Birthday on his big 14) I have been drinking, I am so sorry, I have failed myself but I have tried, I just feel like right now, (Yet another death to face an am leaving in the morning.....) I cant do it, I was all for a meeting tonite but it is EVOICE and hubby said he wouldnt let me use his headphones....cuz I have been drinking......such a threat....pisses me off....I am tired, I am tired of trying to be the perfect daughter and wife, my kids love me, they talk about how I spend time with them and do things for them but the only time they see Dad is when he is YELLIN at them....he doesnt eat dinner at the table with us, he takes it to the bedroom....doesnt work (hasnt in almost 2 years, funds are GONE) we are facing losing the house, shut offs on EVERYTHING etc...... and ya wonder why I fkn drink.....
I know, NO EXCUSE, and it is my fault but damn.....will it EVER give???????

lulu70

Hang in there, hon'. I know it seems like there are no reasons NOT to drink right now, but there are. One of the biggest reasons is you. Try not to drink anymore tonight. Keep posting here, if it helps. We're here for you........

Lollipop

ya know whats scarey??????? I HATE my husband.....even sober....... in fact its worse when I am sober.......hmmmmmmmmm

Done_With_It

Sorry you are having a hard time Lollipop.

You already know as well as I do, that there will always be hard
times, and there will always be a reason to drink or for me to
do meth. I could top or match your list right now if I wanted too.
But I know that if I went and made myself feel better for a few
minutes that I'm just hurting myself and others around me.

You mention about your husband not even saying Happy Birthday
on his 14th? What do you think drinking is going to do to your
son? It's not going to help him?

Feeling sorry for yourself is only going to make things worse.
That is what alcohol usually does. It's very hard to problem
solve, and move forward when your consumed with yourself
and drinking.

It's not too late sweetie. Put the bottle down now. Get the control
back now. Dump out what left you have. Call an AA hotline.
Come on girl, Get a grip. Don't go down this road.

Done_With_It

Have you thought about either counseling or getting a divorce?

Do you have any friends that you could call to come over right now from AA?

HobbyHorse

Lollipop, I'm so sorry that this is happening in your life! Try giving that big ol' dog a hug and tell him all about it. I'll tell Cleopatra and she'll send good thoughts your way too.

Lollipop

Thanks Ya'll,
Ok, I drank a few but did not get drunk, (not that it makes it any better,)I am now sitting here eating a bagel and sipping a diet caff free diet coke!!!

Thanks!!!!! I love you guys, there is also an unopened beer sitting here....you have my word, I will NOT touch it....
Things got so out of hand tonite......on top of dealing with the soon death of the uncle, I talked to the doc for my Dad......he is having more blood drawn in the mornin, he thinks it is lung cancer that is the cause of the serious anemia because Dad is not producing red blood cells....I am scared, Mom is unglued, and yet I am expected to take care of EVERYTHING by my self, NO help...yep I want a divorce but guilt is so bad right now, he has NOTHING and no where to go....course, its been that before but I am an idiot!!!!

Thanks again, I will keep you posted as I can, I did put the beer down, God is my witness.... I feel better for it too, Im goin to eat and go to sleep and pack in the mornin!!
Love You all
Liss

Anna

Liss, it seems to me that you need to stop doing everything for everybody and put yourself first. I did what you are doing and I ended up drinking for three years. Nobody thanked me for what I did. I so regret thinking I was not worth taking care of. It is not selfish to do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Without you, who will look after your children? Do what you can do and leave what you can't.

Liss, do something nice for yourself tonight.

scootinbabe

sending hugs and good thoughts your way.

Done_With_It

Good for you. Good job on stopping. Have a good nights rest, and I agree with Anna. Take care of you!

Dreamz

WOWSKIES Liss,

Sounds like Hell - but you were strong enough to pull yourself together and stop drinking after those few. I know what its like when bad stuff happens, I know what its like when you have a death in your friends or family, I know what its like to feel like life is hopeless - we all do. We're all here to help when we can and give you the support and advice that we can.

I'm glad you stopped drinking, I am so proud of you for that.

About your husband, I think about things when you are sober, think about whats happening and how you really feel about it, rather then thinking about when your head is cloudy. Let me know how things go - you're in my prayers.

Just keep hanging in there!!!

ayla zaire

liss...honey, i've been there you know that.....i don't know what you should do about your husband...if it is that bad you need to think hard about what is best for you and your kids...you are already doing this without him....
i have to tell you...when you have faith and hope things always work out...i gave up worrying about money and things like that a long time ago....i've always been broke and it has always worked out.....in 1996 i made
$6,000 dollars and some how supported myself, my son, my brother and my dad, i don't know how i did it....there is help for your bills...call your community action or similar .....i am so proud that you put the booze down....my mom drank and i know how hard it is when you can get it anywhere....at least my DOC is prescribed and fairly hard to get....
liss...you can do this...all of it...you will get through it...you are not alone and you are a strong, amazing woman, not many people can handle the things you have been through lately....not many people would even try....
i know how hard all of this is and it is true that you need to take time for yourself.....maybe your brother that is there for you can come visit for a little while and give you a break....you need it for your sanity....also maybe you should see your doctor about an antidepressant....i take zoloft and it really works wonders for me....i can handle so much more when i am not depressed....i also occasionally take a mild dose of xanax....it really helps when things get really bad....but we addicts need to be careful with addictive drugs like nerve pills....i asked my doctor to give me 10 at a time so he can monitor how many i take and i don't go overboard....but they don't give me a buzz...and that is what i go for with drugs....the buzz....so i don't take them unless i really need them....
oh,liss....i feel for you, babe.....you are in my prayers....and remember that i have been through much of what you are going through....and i am still here....and sober....thanks to friends like you and your support....you have been a great support to me and i always appreciate it....

love
ayla

Arura

Mornung (((Liss))),......well today is another day,....I understand your under pressure,....Plesae...dont beat yourself up,...over things,....you need your strengeth.!

Your doing so well in yourself Liss,....think of you at this time...!

Much Love n respect to you (((Liss)))

I hope it a;; goes well today for you. Your in my thoughts today Darlin....xXx...!

c'est la vie

good morning Liss. Not sure if you're going to pop in here before you leave, but wanted to wish you a safe and sane trip. I agree with DReamz that the best time to think about what to do about your life & husband is when you're NOT drinking. Even if you say you hate him even more, it's still better to have a really clear mind when you make decision.

And boy oh boy do I agree with Anna. Take care of yourself! If you're ripped apart at the seams, how on Earth can you give any loving care to anyone in your family? Please do think about that before taking the next drink. You deserve to be happy and healthy as much as anyone you feel the obligation to care for.

mertyl

Liss,
I just log in for the first time in a while and i see what a craptastic time you are having.
Whatever you do, dont give up. You are feeling bogged down and with good reason, but you will get through it.
I am sorry all the negativity seems to be surrounding you. So, i am sending u an angel.
And remember, if you're goin thru hell, keep on moving.....


mertyl

nogard

Hey Liss, great that you stopped and as Anna and Done have said time to put You 1st and then everything else will fall into place not the other way around.

Kevin

Lollipop

Good Mornin All!!!!

I love you!!! I want to thank you all so much, once again, the help and support saved me from major disaster!!!!! You are all right, I have a ton of thinking to do, as soon as we get back, I am going to do some ABCs on me and try to figure it out. I was a bit peeved last nite and the rant felt good but I must admit, I was very harsh, I dont hate my husband, I hate the way our lives are right now. I love him very much and I worry about his depression.
I am just so overwhelmed right now, even though the circumstances are bad, maybe a few days up north together will do hubby and I good.
I will NOT be drinking up there, I have no worries, but hubbys family is of the "men drink, the women have coffee" (and bitch about the men drinking LOL) I used to be found with the men, more fun, but I will stick with the hen party! I will update when we get back!!!!!


Love Liss

Luckyv2

What is being said here is so much the program that we are taught. This is such a selfish Program meaning Self Care first. We have to take care of ourselves first and formost because if we don't take care of ourselves, no one else will. We are not responsible for our disease but we are responsible for our own recovery.

One thing I am learning here and it has taken me a LONG time to learn but I simply have to remember that using will NEVER make things better, it only makes it worse. If Vic was to go drink a fifth of JD or do a load of dope I would have to believe the lie that I can handle it this time with all the evidence in my past knowing that I can not ever control my use of anything. It is all downhill every time that I use, heck sometimes it is like that clean, but if we stay clean then and only then do we really have a chance to do the right thing for the right reason. NOPE I am not going to give up.

What Vic had to finally do was to turn all those excuses that I use to use with over to excuses for Vic to stay clean with. It isn't any one's fault that Vic uses except for Vic's. Hope that you get another day just like all of us here.

Love Vic

janeeyre

Aww, Liss--

I've just read this thread and am proud of you for pulling it together. You've got such a load on your shoulders right now. I admire you so much.

I don't have anything inspiring to say--just want you to know that you're being thought of & prayed for today.

Love,
Jane

Steve58

Hi Lollipop,

Glad to see you in better spirits today, sorry you were so down, it can happen, things seem to pile up all at once. I hope your little break "up north" is just what you needed, and the future will be brighter for you.

S