angry all the time?
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
angry all the time?
This may be a little lengthy. I am new to this board I recently posted on the naranon board. I am the mother of a 19 year old cocaine addict. The past three years have been a nightmare. He is supposedly clean now but I have my doubts. He has been home from rehab 2 months. My husband is an alcoholic, although he doesn't think so. He has every excuse I'm sure youv'e all heard them. We have a business together. For years I lied to my kids or so I thought did a good cover up job. Dad is working late, dad cant be at a fuction has to work etc. Well I know now that kids know most, and you cant hide or protect them from alcohol. My husband doesnt drink every day, but at leaset once a week he'll tie one one. He drinks to get drunk. he is the big mouth slob in the crowd. He never takes responsibility for anything. He has had 3 DUI's but beat them on technicalities, or should I say bought his way out with money big lawyers. Well last week he got another, the police called me at 4:00 am to let me know he was in jail. Since my son became a drug addict my spouse will not drink around him, also will not come home drunk. Instead he feels he is doing me a favour and my son by staying at one of his drunken buddies all nite, sometimes for 2 nites. Most of the time I am angry I have recently started seeing a counsellor. I am angry because don't you think having a addict son would be your rock bottom instead he says " I dont do drugs, its got nothing to do with me" My son has a lot of pent up anger with my spouse and I know we are both to hold some blame. I also know that bringing him home to a enviroment where nothing has changed is not healthy. I cant explain it but lately I am so fed up I do not feel attracted to my spouse, I dont respect him anymore.
In counselling I have learnt the past is the past but we can work on repairing the family for the future. What I see is a grown man who does not want to change. Still drinking it is still having a negative affect on his surroundings. I love my son dearly. My spouse has been told he needs to stop drinking to set an example for his son and the family needs to get healthy. Of course he hasnt a problem. This is a man who for my birthday said he would be home and like an idiot I waited he went out and got drunk with his buddies. I dont even know why Im bringing this up its just years of things. I suppose I thought I could change him. It has taken to have an addict son for me to finally see the light. I am burnt out. We are so intertwined financially, I dont even know how to fix that. All I know is that I truly believe I need to set an example for my son. I need to get rid of this anger I feel towards my spouse
In counselling I have learnt the past is the past but we can work on repairing the family for the future. What I see is a grown man who does not want to change. Still drinking it is still having a negative affect on his surroundings. I love my son dearly. My spouse has been told he needs to stop drinking to set an example for his son and the family needs to get healthy. Of course he hasnt a problem. This is a man who for my birthday said he would be home and like an idiot I waited he went out and got drunk with his buddies. I dont even know why Im bringing this up its just years of things. I suppose I thought I could change him. It has taken to have an addict son for me to finally see the light. I am burnt out. We are so intertwined financially, I dont even know how to fix that. All I know is that I truly believe I need to set an example for my son. I need to get rid of this anger I feel towards my spouse
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
((( katie44 )))
You're going to get a tremendous amount of experience, strength and hope from other Moms out there sharing your nightmare.. All I know is you can't change them. I'm the addict/alkie in my family but I wanted to welcome you and let you know that some excellent help is on the way!!!
You're going to get a tremendous amount of experience, strength and hope from other Moms out there sharing your nightmare.. All I know is you can't change them. I'm the addict/alkie in my family but I wanted to welcome you and let you know that some excellent help is on the way!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Welcome to SR.... we are so glad that you found us even if it has to be under these conditions....
Its not my daughter that has a problem and I dont currently have an Alcoholic in my life..... but this is close to the first time in my entire life I have not.
I was a mess, Always angry, scared, hurt, frustrated and really just did not enjoy life at all. I was also a Single Mom and felt I had to take care of her and so in turn I placed ALL my focus on my daughter..... Big Mistake. Only in the last year have I discovered that what I need to do to be a good role model for her is to place ALL my focus on me, to be a happier/healthier person.... because she is going to lean from my example.... not by what I say. If I teach her to accept unacceptable behavior by accepting it myself.. If I teach her to put her feelings/hurts aside for another cuz others are more important then I am..... If I allow others to disrespect me because I either dont respect myself or dont think I deserve it.... Those are the things I will pass down to her.
Im glad to hear your doing some counceling... it helped me ALOT, I finally made the choice after the last relationship with an Alcoholic to really change some things inside of me. I read everything I can get my hands on, Im going to theraphy for behavioral change through Biodyne, I go to Al-anon and have a sponsor and last but one of the MOST important is I am building my support group.... people that REALLY understand not only what I have gone through but also to hold my hand for what is to come.
I look forward to getting to know you.... you are in the right place to start building your support group.
Its not my daughter that has a problem and I dont currently have an Alcoholic in my life..... but this is close to the first time in my entire life I have not.
I was a mess, Always angry, scared, hurt, frustrated and really just did not enjoy life at all. I was also a Single Mom and felt I had to take care of her and so in turn I placed ALL my focus on my daughter..... Big Mistake. Only in the last year have I discovered that what I need to do to be a good role model for her is to place ALL my focus on me, to be a happier/healthier person.... because she is going to lean from my example.... not by what I say. If I teach her to accept unacceptable behavior by accepting it myself.. If I teach her to put her feelings/hurts aside for another cuz others are more important then I am..... If I allow others to disrespect me because I either dont respect myself or dont think I deserve it.... Those are the things I will pass down to her.
Im glad to hear your doing some counceling... it helped me ALOT, I finally made the choice after the last relationship with an Alcoholic to really change some things inside of me. I read everything I can get my hands on, Im going to theraphy for behavioral change through Biodyne, I go to Al-anon and have a sponsor and last but one of the MOST important is I am building my support group.... people that REALLY understand not only what I have gone through but also to hold my hand for what is to come.
I look forward to getting to know you.... you are in the right place to start building your support group.
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Katie,
You titled your thread: "angry all the time?" and I think that most of us with family members in trouble with drugs/alcohol feel that way too at times.
What I learned was that my extreme emotions... all of them, are tools for me to use to take a look at what is really going on in my own life.
"Why do I feel this way?' is what I ask myself and then after prayer and using what I have learned in recovery, I can better see what changes I need to make for myself.
I hope you will find some help in your counseling sessions and I hope you will try some face to face meetings in alanon or naranon, if you haven't gone already.
Things can improve but it takes some work, time and patience. Hang in there.
You titled your thread: "angry all the time?" and I think that most of us with family members in trouble with drugs/alcohol feel that way too at times.
What I learned was that my extreme emotions... all of them, are tools for me to use to take a look at what is really going on in my own life.
"Why do I feel this way?' is what I ask myself and then after prayer and using what I have learned in recovery, I can better see what changes I need to make for myself.
I hope you will find some help in your counseling sessions and I hope you will try some face to face meetings in alanon or naranon, if you haven't gone already.
Things can improve but it takes some work, time and patience. Hang in there.
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