an'ka

I met my husband last night in order for him to see our baby. I did not expect this visit to be so difficult--the sadness was so strong that it almost felt like physical pain. He was quiet and...I don't know, broken somehow. Because of alcohol, he has not had a place of his own in almost a year. He keeps going from place to place, staying with his aunties, cousin, friends that are left. I am not willing to have him stay with me because he still drinks and cannot hold a job. His parents are staying away because they are too frustrated and heartbroken.
I just don't understand it. I don't understand this disease--my mind knows the facts, but my heart can't comprehend how a person would not want to help himself have a good life. How can this addiction be working for him if he is homeless and missed most of his daughter's life? I've asked these questions so many times, just as so many other people on this site. But still, why? Why not want health and happiness and family? He says he wants all of that and yet would not seek treatment, despite promises and good intentions. At 34, he does not have anything except a stack of collection notices and occasional visits with out toddler and yet he still wouldn't use the help available to him. I know there is no logical explanation, but I really want one.

denny57

Something that helped me understand this was reading "Under the Influence" so I understood the physiological side to addiction. And talking with recovering/recovered alcoholics at open AA meetings.

I've had those intensely sad times, too. Good luck and take care.

Cynay

Denny is right....

The only answers you will find are by educating yourself on the disease itself and talking with people that know first hand what it was like for them.....

I use to have those questions too..... Someone told me not to wish/try to understand it because if I could understand it I would also have the disease. So what I do is equalivate it to mine......and then remember for them its a disease and much harder.

Why is it so hard for me to let go of the alcoholic/codie behavior???? Cuz Im addicted to that.... I thank God its behavior/mental for me and I can unlearn it.... for them by the time they realize its a problem its full blown and drinking is a need not a want. Im sure none of the Alcoholics I know would have "choosen" this if they could have seen in the future.

guyinNC

((((An'Ka))))


I know the pain you feel, I know the longing for understanding.

He is addicted, he is an alcoholic...........thats the answer. We cannot help, we can only help ourselves. But we still feel the pain.