Please Help Me With My Mother!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Monterey, CA
Posts: 1
Please Help Me With My Mother!
Hello all-
I am here because I need support for my motherShe is an alcoholic and I do not know how to help her. She has been in jail once, and has had numerous run ins with the police. When i tried talking to her about going to AA meetings and offering to go with her, she got defensive and upset with me. I do not want to be around her anymore because I feel like when i am at home I just get angry and upset for the way she is. My father died about 3 weeks ago, but she has been struggling with alcoholism for 6 years now so this is just another excuse to drink. I don't know what to do. I'm in my last year of community college and then i'm transferring away. I feel like if i stay at home while she is drinking that I am going to go crazy. I dont want to babysit her anymore. She doesn't think she needs help but has missed work for the past 3 days. She finds reasons to make me feel guilty when i leave to stay at friends houses (because i don't want to stay at home) like the fact that i'm not paying attention to the dog, or I'm not supporting her. We are re-locating in about a week, but I don't want to move with her if she continues drinking. I have been told by my boyfriend's family that i can stay with them for the next six months...what should I do? It occupies my mind constantly and i don't want to have to deal with her drinking anymore. Is it wrong for me to leave her (especially after my dad just died)? do i stay with her even though she absoloutely REFUSES to get help? Would it be best if i left to show her how her alcohol problem is affecting me? HELP SOMEONE PLEASE! i can't take her drinking anymore![/COLOR][/FONT]
I am here because I need support for my motherShe is an alcoholic and I do not know how to help her. She has been in jail once, and has had numerous run ins with the police. When i tried talking to her about going to AA meetings and offering to go with her, she got defensive and upset with me. I do not want to be around her anymore because I feel like when i am at home I just get angry and upset for the way she is. My father died about 3 weeks ago, but she has been struggling with alcoholism for 6 years now so this is just another excuse to drink. I don't know what to do. I'm in my last year of community college and then i'm transferring away. I feel like if i stay at home while she is drinking that I am going to go crazy. I dont want to babysit her anymore. She doesn't think she needs help but has missed work for the past 3 days. She finds reasons to make me feel guilty when i leave to stay at friends houses (because i don't want to stay at home) like the fact that i'm not paying attention to the dog, or I'm not supporting her. We are re-locating in about a week, but I don't want to move with her if she continues drinking. I have been told by my boyfriend's family that i can stay with them for the next six months...what should I do? It occupies my mind constantly and i don't want to have to deal with her drinking anymore. Is it wrong for me to leave her (especially after my dad just died)? do i stay with her even though she absoloutely REFUSES to get help? Would it be best if i left to show her how her alcohol problem is affecting me? HELP SOMEONE PLEASE! i can't take her drinking anymore![/COLOR][/FONT]
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
Welcome, marathonrunner
I'm sorry to hear about your father's death. My condolences.
I absolutely understand how you are feeling right now - well, as much as I can relate it to how I felt. The guilt, the wanting to live my own life, wanting the A to get help.
You make a key point, that she has to want to get help for herself before you can be of any help to her. I think it's very important to continue as you are as far as taking care of yourself. Finishing school, etc. I also think you need to protect your self emotionally, and if that means living separately from your mom, that is ok. It doesn't mean you have to cut her off, etc., but you are entitled to live a life free from the pain of watching someone you love slowly kill themselves with alcohol.
There are many options out there, including intervention. You know your own situation best.
Please read as much as you can, including the stickys here. What worked for me is Al-Anon, individual therapy and lots of education, on addiction and co-dependency.
Keep posting and take care.
I'm sorry to hear about your father's death. My condolences.
I absolutely understand how you are feeling right now - well, as much as I can relate it to how I felt. The guilt, the wanting to live my own life, wanting the A to get help.
You make a key point, that she has to want to get help for herself before you can be of any help to her. I think it's very important to continue as you are as far as taking care of yourself. Finishing school, etc. I also think you need to protect your self emotionally, and if that means living separately from your mom, that is ok. It doesn't mean you have to cut her off, etc., but you are entitled to live a life free from the pain of watching someone you love slowly kill themselves with alcohol.
There are many options out there, including intervention. You know your own situation best.
Please read as much as you can, including the stickys here. What worked for me is Al-Anon, individual therapy and lots of education, on addiction and co-dependency.
Keep posting and take care.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: nor cal
Posts: 113
Do what you need to do for you. She is the only one that can make the choice to stop drinking.
I know it seems cruel to leave her at a time like this, but you are a human being and you need love and support.
You can show her, tell her and bang your head against a brick wall to try and make her see how it is affecting you and it won't so a bit of good.
I was married to an alcoholic for 23 years and have a 20, 21 and 23 year old.
They all felt the same way you do and the best thing they did was take care of themselves.
Their dad still drinks and there is nothing they can do about it.
You have a whole life ahead of you and being sucked in by this disease will make you sicker than she is. Take it from one who has been there.
Welcome and keep coming back.
I know it seems cruel to leave her at a time like this, but you are a human being and you need love and support.
You can show her, tell her and bang your head against a brick wall to try and make her see how it is affecting you and it won't so a bit of good.
I was married to an alcoholic for 23 years and have a 20, 21 and 23 year old.
They all felt the same way you do and the best thing they did was take care of themselves.
Their dad still drinks and there is nothing they can do about it.
You have a whole life ahead of you and being sucked in by this disease will make you sicker than she is. Take it from one who has been there.
Welcome and keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Sunshine State
Posts: 410
Hi, I also wish to extend my sympathies to you. You have so much going on right now. The sticky posts, the recommended books and finding an al-anon meeting for yourself will all help you. Welcome to the board.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: pass the bon bons
Posts: 2,363
take care of yourself...that is not a selfish thing to do...you have suffered a terrible loss, too and you need to heal...i lived with my dad when i was a teenager because my mom drank so much....it hurt her but she refused to acknowledge that her drinking effected me....eventually we became very close as i got older but she did not quit drinking until two years ago and she did it for her own reasons...unless you have a successful intervention you can not help her....and even then it is up to her....alcoholism is a very selfish disease...like any addiction...i know because i am an addict myself...sober for more than two weeks now...my mom died more than four months ago and i feel for you and your loss...good luck in making your decision and remember that this is your life....
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