kermit

Well AH called said it seems he can't find work here and that the only other option is to move to Colorado with some girl he knows. He said he has known her for a along time...Never met her but he swears I accused him of having a affair with her. I have no idea if I did or didn't can't remember oh well. My emotions are mixed. I would love for him to go far away but I worrie about the kids. But what I do know is that I'm on my way to recovery and I'm doing well. I will take care of my kids. Maybe this is the best thing for all us. I just do not get how someone can just walk away............

spring

Are you still married? You need to make sure you get child support. The kids will be as well as you are. Take care of yourself.

kermit

still married working on the divorce..............

denny57

(((kermit)))

it's a classic geographic, right down to taking someone who "understands him." what is the status on child support?

i've gone through it, too, and you're right, not only are you on your way to recovery, you're already working it. i'm happy for you about that.

thinking of you.

mallowcup

We call it walking away, they call it starting over.

kermit

Well, I couldn't sleep last night. I just keep thinking "what an a$$ hole" I just can't get over the fact that he will leave the boys behind.

Denny, I have a order for child support that he signed and aggreed to, It doesn't d me any good when he is not working.
Here is my plan, please let me lnow if it has any flaws.... Finish the divorce, get the house in my name, file for a chapter 7 BK or credit counseling to get all my debt in order. Work really hard and fund lots of loans......the more I fund the more I make. (i'm at 72 right now extra $2500) this is on top of my regular pay which is 3200 amonth. My mtg is 3k so i figure MAYBE jiust Matbe I can make it with out him. I have signed up for all the programs I can with the gas co and the electric compay to get the 20% disscount. My Mtg co has been wounderful and are working with me. Taking my stuff to the attorney today, I should be divorced with in a couple of weeks with full custody of all 3 kids...........
I think I'm good any suggestions greatly appreciated

denny57

looks good to me. as long as you have something legally binding re the child support so you can get it when he is working.

no maybe about it, kermit, you can do this. i know it's not the way you'd have it in a perfect world but, we all know how that goes!

Mercedes

I don't know about the state you live in but where I live a man (or woman) who doesn't pay child support, whether he has a job or not, loses his drivers license and has a warrant put out for his arrest. So if they don't want to face up to their responsibility, they pay for it in one way or the other. As they should.

spring

Kermit; I did it - you CAN do it.

mfisher

You are doing great. Talk about getting your ducks in a row.
As far as him leaving, consider it a gift from your higher power.
Keep it up, you are an inspiration to others.

kermit

A gift from my higher power? What about my kids? Where is there higher power?

mallowcup

You are a conduit and a guide to their higher power. Your higher power is their higher power.

mfisher

Your children having an active alcoholic in their lives is very damaging and is an ongoing struggle.
As he progresses in his disease especially with out you around to make him conform to parental duties he will be less involved, even if he lives next door.
He will always be their father, but the chaos and the potential pain he can inflict on them is devastating.
Children develop their own higher power, with love, education and with a possitive supportive enviroment they will be just fine.

denny57

(((kermit))) I think this is one of those things that fall in the "more will be revealed" column. Hard as it may be, try to believe things are happening the way they should. The worry for your children is normal and right. I try to remember in all instances not to try and "steer."

Focus on you and your kids and things will be ok.

Pick-a-name

(((kermit)))

FormerDoormat

Like Spring said, I did it and so can you. It wasn't nearly as painful as I thought it would be. Turns out I'm quite resourceful (one of those true codie traits that, if used correctly, works to our advantage).

To increase my income, I increased the amount tax exemptions I was claiming. Prior to that, my yearly income tax return was ~$5,000. I figured that would put close to $500 dollars back into my pocket each month. I paid off any small debts I had and added that money back into my pocket. I called the electric, gas, and water/sewer companies and signed up for their budget plans--which spread out the cost for utilities into 12 even monthly payments. So no more highs in the gas bill in the winter or the electric bill in the summer.

I also pursued an advancement opportunity at work--something I don't do often because I tend to be adverse to change. And I got the job AND a $10,000 per year raise and I didn't even have to switch desks. Before I knew it, I found the $1,400/month that my boyfriend had been contributing to my budget, plus more.

And because I waited until March to ask him to leave and until I had my $5,000 income tax return in my hand, I used that money to tide me over for a month or two until I could make the necessary changes in my finances.

I didn't suffer one day of financial stress. In one of her books, Melody Beatty says "God has provided us with everything we need right here on Earth" all we have to do is let go of our fear, open our eyes, and take advantage of it.

You, too, will be just fine.

mazey

Thinkin' bout ya. YOU will do just fine. It will all work out. I'm sure a few mixed feelings with him leaving those kids, but it truly may be more peaceful for them in the long run. At least until he comes back...????

Cynay

Hey sweetie....

When my daughter was 9 I moved her from WA to AZ the primary reason was my daughter.

When we were closer to him it was much easier for him to cause chaos in her life.... when we first seperated he saw her often, but as time went on he would come up with ever excuse under the moon..... Which really hurt my daughters self esteem..... the straw that broke the back was when he promised her Daddy/Daughter day at school..... she was SO excited since none of her friends knew her father..... he called the night before (after she went to bed) and canceled... I had to tell her in the morning. I tryed to make it light... did not work she was balling so hard, I tryed the normal and took her to the day care.... did not work she was hystarical (cant spell) so I took the day off work and it took me 2 hours of holding her and letting her cry it out before she calmed down some..... when she was young she would always forgive him, the this happened WAY to often. The effects were ripping her apart....

SO I moved.... For my daughters stability it was the best decision.... God was watching out for us...... Im sure there is a plan for ya and be thankful you do not have to root your life up later.

splendra

(((Kermit)))

I think you are doing so good I am so proud of you. You may soon find that his move is a blessing. Get your child support and don't look back. It sounds like you have a pretty good plan just work it and let your HP take care of the rest...

kermit

i can't sleep thanks everyone for your nice words. I know this is some kinda blessing I just can't see it. All I keep thinking Is "how dare he walk away'