Kywoman

Hello, I am a newbie. However, I am not a stranger to dealing with an alcoholic. Both of my parents were/are alcoholics.

At the end of February, my Aunt moved in with my family and I. My children are my life and I swore they would never be exposed to the extent that they have been in these last seven months. I am really at the end of my rope and feel that my anger and frustration is eating away at me. I feel stuck with her and I don't want to be. I really want to ask her to move out, but I know she has no where to go. I also fear the threat she put in the air several times of her committing suicide.

I fear that I will get angry enough that I will blurt it all out in a flash. And then feel guilty for doing it, even though I know she deserves to hear how she is making my family feel.

I am at a loss how to deal with her and how to talk to her about this. I have tried several times through out these months and she basically tells me what I want to hear with no follow through.

Am I so wrong to want her to leave and give me back my safe haven for my children?

kermit

It sounds like it is time to tell her to **** and get off the pot. Okay maybe you should do it a better way, someone here will help guide you better I'm sure. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. You sound very smart and you know what you have to do. Good luck and welcome this is a great palce to be

Kywoman

Thanks.

I guess there is more that I want to say. I am pretty tired so my thoughts may be scattered here. What I didn't know when she moved in, was that she was hitting bottom. She drinks at least a six pack a day. At first, I enabled her by loaning her money whenever she asked. But then I began to slowly realize what was happening. I didn't feel so great about enabling her. Today she asked if she could take money out of my penny jar. I thought, if she isn't embarrassed to count it out at the store, then she can do it. But I don't give her any of my cash anymore.

My children have asked her if she has to drink every day. They have told other children who come around why she smells like beer when they ask to get a lecture from her about telling her business, which angers me to no end.

She has proven that it is the only thing she lives for. The only thing that makes her happy. And that we are not going to stop her. She will do it at whatever price it costs. Even if it is at the expense of my children.

She loses so many things. She expects me to take care of her in ways that I do my children. That stopped pretty quick. I didn't sign up to take care of a 53yr old teen.

She doesn't pay any of her bills, except for her meds. She owes so much money out and so much to the drs that I don't see how she will ever get caught up on SSDI. (She is legally blind and a widower)

She says she will move after the holidays. I was glad to hear that, but I don't know if I can hang tough. I ignore her quite a bit. Even when she stands in front of the television. She really tries hard to be the center of attention. But I am not having it.

The problem that I am having is that it doesn't matter what I say to her, she does what she wants. She doesn't care who it affects. So what do I do with all of these emotions and feelings? I am tired of venting the same old way. I am tired of trying to do the right thing. I just feel done. How in the world do I hang tough?

I have tried to just go on my merry way and do things the way that I always have. And all I see of myself is being irritated with my children and everything else. This isn't healthy for any of us.

Good Lord, does any of this make any sense?

kermit

How old are the kids? I threw my AH out the very first time he went out of control. I will not have my children around that, you are not resposiable for your aunt and as much as it hurts you need to get her out soooner then later. The kids are your consern NOT HER

laurie6781

Ky she is living in her own reality. Now that being said, how about calling Adult Protection Services in Ohio, explaining she is legally blind, on SSDI and is becoming a danger to herself and others...........................this will get a social worker assigned to her, who in turn will work with you to get her into an assisted living situation paid for by medicare and medicaid.

You can explain to the Social Worker that she can no longer stay at your home as it is now having a negative affect your children and you cannot have that.

You might want to check out Al-anon for yourself.

Please keep posting and let us know how your are doing, we do care.

Love and hugs,

Kywoman

The boys are 12 and 9.

Kywoman

I agree, laurie. She is living inside her own world, which is not ours. The first thing I did when she arrived, was take her to the local Mental Health Clinic. They hooked her up with a Case Manager. It took her three months to get an appt with the woman as she is new and seems to not know what she is doing. (I found all of this out after the appt)

My Aunt had told me before she went that she was going to explain to the woman that she was an alcoholic and needed help. Of course, she had been drinking. I had hoped she would follow through with that, but wasn't surprised that she didn't.

However, it does sound like the way to go, to contact the Case Manager myself. I had considered it, but wanted input from someone outside of the situation as she gets so touchy about the kids talking about her business.

Thanks for your kind words.

kermit

12&9 ............I don't need to tell you how smart they are. What do they think?

Kywoman

My twelve year old doesn't care for her behavior at all. He has called her on it in his own way. I never stop him or criticize him for his opinion on this as he is straight forward and on target with what he has been taught concerning these things. I have also made it clear to him that I don't want him to think that I believe her behavior is appropriate because I do not. I tell him that her drinking problem is not acceptable as she has certainly lost everything, else she wouldn't be here.

As for my nine year old, he feels some confusion about the whole thing. He does ask her why she has to drink every day and has gotten to the point that he has accepted that drinking is more important to her than anything else. Including him. He expresses disgust and answers me very honestly when we discuss it.

It hurts my heart a little that they are learning this through experience. The good thing is that we have an excellent DARE program in our school system. And with the things that I have learned and can share with them, hopefully, they will not follow the same patterns that their grandparents and other family members have.

Janitw

Kywoman - I have a twin sister that used to move in and out of our home at will. Until a year ago .... thats when I had had enough. She has used me enough and bled me for plenty of money along the way and she wasn't even an alcoholic. She even had it down to afine art of knowing my husbands income and his overtime rate !!! You would have thought that she was the one married to my husband. I had to be tough on her and had to lay it all out right there on the table and told her she had 30 days to vacate. And that I wasn't mad at her for anything at all it's just that this living arrangement was only working for one person...her. Since she wasn't paying any rent it made sense to use that card....she offered to pay me but I said I'd rather not and did not elaborate any further. She moved out at the end of the 30 days upset but wiser. We still talk to each other but she's careful as to how far she will push my buttons. (My ex was the alcoholic in out family) Take care. Hang tough honey...

Janit