FormerDoormat

only matches made right here on earth. If your partner doesn't cherish and love you, if your partner steals from you or lies to you and cheats on you, if your partner verbally, physically, or sexually abuses you or your children do you think that God would want you to endure such pain or look unfavorably upon you? Do you think that God would deem you ungrateful if you walked away from an uncaring partner and a miserable life and moved towards a happy, healthy life?

Do you really think a God who's described as all-knowing and all-loving would want this for you? Or is it just another form of denial and another attempt to avoid change?

best

Your asking the wrong people.
Ask God.

He who was without sin. He who did no wrong and deserved no punishment.
He who was nailed to a cross... He didn't deserve it.

Ask Him about such things. People will always give opinions.

Pick-a-name

Matches may be made in Heaven, but they are lived on Earth by flesh-and-blood (imperfect) people....

kermit

Wow! Powerful stuff. Just what I needed to read.

FormerDoormat

No, Best, I'm asking the right people, and I welcome their feedback.

prodigal

... I suppose he endowed us with thought processes and the ability to form opinions. Right opinions or wrong opinions; nevertheless, we have been given the ability to bond with others of our species and form relationships.

So from a mere mortal, I agree w/FD. We were not put here to suffer a life of persecution and pain. Well actually, there have been many martyrs, but I don't think any of them attained sainthood by being married to, or living with, an abusive A.

I think many people stay in terrible relationships with addicts because they feel they must honor their vows. I'm not one to take lightly marriage vows, but I don't think "for better or worse" meant having to do the 'til-death-do-we-part with some active alkie who is a raging nutcase. Some A's just do not recover. They die as a result of alcohol abuse.

Whether we stay or leave .... well, an omnicient being already knows our entire story anyway so if we chose to leave it was already written in the book of our own life. Okay, enough theologizing for tonight.

CarolD

We are star crossed soul mates
But I love him so
He needs meor he will die

I want to vomit when I hear that absolute crap from
abused women!

We all have the power of God's love
We can survive and heal and thrive.

I know because I left an abusive marriage,
many years ago.

Don't tell me what the addict did to you
tell me your plan for a new beginning.

best

If a person is in harms way....get out of harms way.
If a person is dealing with the other things that your listed... Set boundries.
The setting of the boundry can be as simple as... not listening when things are said or if there is a degree of anger and is such that harm could be the next step...having a person removed from your space.
In all cases, a person needs to set boundries that keep them safe and healthy.
99% of the things I read here, you will never have me judge a person for leaving. I will always encourage a person to stay though...unless there is harm close by.
Each person and each case/issue needs be looked at from both sides.
If you feel you are in harms way...run.
If your feelings are hurt...run to a meeting and evaluate the situation and put to use what you learn.
I am a product of a spouse using the tools properly. Though I have never shown physical signs of harm or ever threatened harm, I have been abusive with my tongue and disrespectful with my actions. I have changed. I found recovery. I know what can be and I also know that not all will seek recovery towards a sober life style. Boundries help keep my wife's space at peace and boundries also brought me to a point...I needed deal with myself and that brought me to a point of looking for answers. I found a sober way of life is the best answer.
Each person needs set "their" boundries where they work for them.

As for God's thoughts on the matter and His opinion...You need ask Him.

mallowcup

God does not bless all unions, we don't lsten to Him when we chose our spouse, we call in God to cleap up the ness we got ourselves into. God doesn't want you abused, uncherished, dishonored. Heaven is the only place real marriages made. God usually has little to do with it.

Pick-a-name

If you are interested in seeing what God describes as how marriage partners are to act according to His way: He tells us.

Best: you put it well,I think. I also do not think we need to hold God responsible for our own bad choices and behaviors. He gives us the tools to work with (even advice about selecting a mate) but we also have the freedom to ignore what He says and do exactly what WE want to...

(and I also believe He is clear about using boundaries...He does himself)

of course: take what you want and forget the rest!

interesting thread

denny57

How would you conduct your life if there was no god? THAT is who you are.

pmaslan

I think if God himself/herself came out of the sky and told some
folks to leave they would still find a reason to stay...Denial
it's a powerful thing.

DesertEyes

I believe my HP gave me life, and then the freedom to do with it as I will. He must have realized what a thick headed oaf I am cuz He then went to a great deal of trouble to provide me with _written_ directions on how to best enjoy that gift in the form of tons of religious books and programs of recovery. During those times when life dumps on me He goes to the trouble of providing me with the strength to overcome those challenges. As icing on the cake He then surrounds me with kind, loving people who reach out to me in my times of darkness.

The few times He has ever asked something of me it has been something I could easily provide, and then rewards me for my slight inconvenience with the gratitude of the person whom I reached out to help.

I have no clue what I ever did to deserve this special treatment, but I hope that when I'm done in this world I will have earned it.

Mike

LIFEOUTTHERE

I think that God gives us ways out, we just don't take them. We may blame God, but the truth is he is always there. All we have to do is ask for his help and pray. IMHO.

God has never left me, but I have often strayed from him.

When I first met my AH my faith in God was very strong. My AH did not take this away from me, as much as I might want to blame him, it was me.

mallowcup

People just have a funny idea about when to involve God in their lives and in their decisions. There is a code of conduct that increases the liklihood of a successful and happy marriage. Truth is, most of us had red flags beating us over the head when we chose who we are married to. We call God in at the 11th hour say "show me". Well the way I see it, He's already hung on a cross for you, you show Him. He tells us what to look for in a mate, He tells us how to treat each other. Free will enters into it and we can't blame God for what we walked right into with our eyes all dewy. God wil help, but God is not to blame. God hasn't let any of us down, our alcoholic mates have. Our unchanged life is absolutely no evidenac that God doesn't love us. it is evidence that we don't love ourselves.

outonalimb

I don't believe that I turned my back on God when I married my exah. My intentions and my heart were pure. I do not believe that I am to blame that my exah decided to give heroin a try 3 years into our marriage. I also don't blame God. My exah has free will...and he made some very bad choices and in doing so, he turned his back on me, our marriage vows, and God too.

God has never abandoned me.
He has been with me every step of the way.

So many people are quick to judge. They judge you for leaving...and the rest of them judge you for staying. The only judge I care about is God. God did not intend for me to live in the hellish world of addiction. He also did not intend for our child to grow up surrounded by the insanity of it all. I thank God that he gave me the strength and the wisdom to leave. I believe that divorce WAS the answer to my prayers.

No...I don't blame God...I praise him...for pulling me out of the muck and leading me back to the light.

mallowcup

or it is dishonorable. We all stand at the altar with the intentions in our hearts and the vows on our lips. We should face the new day with love. We speak vows and we HEAR the vows made to us. I think if vows aren't kept, we have an accountability to leave. I will not be a part of a marriage that mocks God. Staying is agreeing that marriage is not a holy institution. As I have said, I divorced because marriage means so much to me. Wives are told how to treat their husbands and husbands are told how to treat their wives. I'm not willing to live some alcoholics version of it. If you've done all you know to do and your mate lives a faithless nonobedient life, they will destroy your faith. Leave with a glad heart knowing that God would not want you to mock marriage or the things He holds sacred. What is a marriage? It is a public declaration in front of friends and family about what you believe and a public statement, that you stand in agreement with this other person about how you will live your life. Sometimes we stand up there with a total liar for all to see. If this happens, do we live with our mistakes or do we use the brain God gave us to correct that mistake? We have every right to expect that person we devote our life to, to fufill their vows.

best

You posted a legel definition.
Marriage is... the union of one man to one woman before God.
We invite others to witness our marriage but we stand before God with our vows.

LongStrangeTrip

God gave us all free will. What we do with it is an individual responsibility.
I've often heard the saying, "You can't choose who you love."
However, if we gravitate towards the wrong people for the wrong reasons, we don't realize it while it's happening because we are too caught up in the love itself to notice that it is not the kind of love we need.

By the time it's spiraling out of control, it's usually too late and we are in up to our eyeballs when it finally reaches our brain and we wake up and see the reality.

Sometimes it sucks to be human.

giz

Amen!

Absolutely true FormerDoormat. I am printing this one out. I was just feeling sorry for myself and that's why I come back to SR to read wonderful things like this, reminding me I'm on this earth, I am to pursue my own happiness. Not spend my entire life living for someone elses.