tiney1972

Is it normal for an alcoholic to gripe about EVERYTHING?!?!

last night: I didnt clean up from his lil party so I was lazy, he told me he wouldnt be home last night so we warmed some bbq up and the kids ate and he griped cause I didnt cook supper, My sister works for a judge and I helped clean her house. (I was making money (75.00). so he griped about that. said I couldnt stay home and clean our house. Thats a lie casue my house is spotless.

Get this: at 3 in the morning he wakes me up and says lets cuddle, this will be our last time to. I rolled my eyes in the dark. To save an argument I turned on my back and let him lay next to me. I couldnt find it in me to touch him, cuddle in any way. ( I use to be a cuddle freak) So this morning heres the griping. My daughter woke me up at 6 ( just like every morning) and he says... why are you getting up? sarcastically. then he griped said i dont work. griped that the kids left a shampoo bottle on the shower floor. As he left he said " Keep the phone lines open ill be calling you with a decision im gonna make.

anyways is this normal? the griping will drive you insane! Thats why i cant wait till these meeting people call me. Not only will i get support i will get away from his mouth.

elizabeth1979

This isn't just griping, its control.
Why do you do things for him that you dont want to do? Cuddling for example?

denny57

It's normal for a not normal relationship. BTDT. I'm ever so glad the griping is being done somewhere else now.

Missy

OMG... that is so me! I get waken in the night for all kinds of reasons.

I get blamed for everything. I went to a retirement party for my sponsor Sat and asked if he wanted anything. He said no..then when I got home I got hell for not bringing him anything home..If I would have, he would have screamed that "I told you not to" loose, loose stuff going on here.
I've become quiet and dont share anything anymore with my AH and that triggers him to think that I am having an affair or something.
Very wearing on us and we are always tired arent we???
so why do we??
I'm at this point in my recovery thinking the longer I stay with my AH the more I am contributing to his sucide because I am not giving him consequences for his actions. Ya think?
Missy xo

tiney1972

I agree 100% it cant be normal for a relationship. what im wondering is this the normal way alcoholics act?

i was just reading forums and read that it was a form of control! wow I can see that.

yes i was wrong about doing what i didnt want to do. I just didnt want to argue at 3 in the morning. But i can see one thing the griping has gotten worse since I have developed the I dont care attitude. Like when he says hes not coming home. IM like ok dont come home. Lil things like that. I can see that he sees I dont care ( dont get me wrong it hurts that hes destroying us or should I say has destroyed us but its not hurtful enough that I want to stay)and obviously he sees hes loosing that control. Does this cause more griping cause when I started reading here I developed the I dont care attitude. ( not in a sarcastic way just a oh well way.) A attitude that I want to be happy and move on. I even informed him I was ready to move out and waiting to hear from a friend on a house. Since this part of me the griping has increased majorly.

tiney1972

HAHAHHA Missy thats why I cant wait till im gone casue I am the blame for his drinking. He says its the only way he can deal with me. So whos he gonna blame when Im gone!!! Hahaha I would love to be a fly on the wall when He realizes he has noone to blame but himself

mallowcup

No he won't, he'll blame it on you leaving him That makes him right all along.You will be remembered as being ungrateful and fickle. This will be the story he will tell the next unsuspecting person who comes along. The whole sob story about how his wife left him and that's when he started to drink. He'll lay it all out giving her the recipe to be everything you weren't. All that really means is becoming someone who will put up with it.

tiney1972

ohhh myyy goshhhhh do you kno this man I am with? cause you pegged him ahahaha been there done that huh? youre right! I will get the blame. thats fine cause I know better is what matters. Hes always trying to smear me to people. There is a group of us out here in the country that was blinded to his ways and he smeared me till everyone thought it was me till one of the girls saw the real me and the real him. Last night he said " everyone thinks maybe its not An---(me) maybe its D---(him). So thats his guilt eating him up.

anyways your 100% right he would blame me!

tiney1972

one more thing. I want to say im sorry all you guys that have gone through this crap but also thank you so much for sharing your stories for the newbies to read and relate to. It really makes a difference. It makes me feel not alone and makes me feel like Wow this could go on for a long time. NOt me!! Thanks for letting me see sooo much. Also I got a return call a few min ago. Theres a meeting tomorrow. PLease pray nothing comes in my way cause I wanna go! Also if this isnt ironic hahah the church it is at is behind the mexican restaraunt we goto when he drinks his margaritas.

mallowcup

Its' infuriating because it isn't true and there should be some kind of accurate closure. I don't think accurate closure comes. Even when he dies from alcohol, because everyone knows you drove him to drink. We have to draw a line and say "closed". This is why I think it's best to sever all ties and even move if you have to. It seems to matter so much when you are sitting in the middle of it. As you move away you realize another day explaining and jumping through hoops would have been another day wasted. I often think back to my ex and how he kept moving the finish line on me. I look back at myself as a hungry dog. He held out the meat and I became so focused on it that I couldn't be distracted from it. We all want to be loved and they make us believe that just one more inch and we'll have it. Just a little more proof. My ex let me starve and realized maybe a morsal would have kept me going. I'm sorry to say that too often we do become their pets.

tiney1972

oh my i love this. you make so much sense.


'We all want to be loved and they make us believe that just one more inch and we'll have it.' you say

haha thats here. just when you wanna give up they get you to give in thinking ok its gonna be better then BAMMMMMM back to square one. when he wanted to snuggle last night, normally i would of thought ok hes gonna calm dowm but not last night I thought buddy you are not taking me back to square one this time! This is temporary. and when the morning came BAMMMMM there was his mouth! So I wasnt devastated like usual, feeling let down instead it makes me want to go to that meeting even more tomorrow!

nocellphone

I'm never sure what's "normal" and what isn't, but what you've described is certainly common behavior for alcoholics... and those who love them.

All I really know about "normal" is this:

Normal is just a setting on a washing machine!

Missy

Your last post tiny really hit home to me. We do stuff to think that maybe, just maybe they will behave for a while if we "favor them"
NOT!
that is what makes my boundaries ... If I dont want sex I wont have sex and nothing changes either way. So why loose my sleep and roll over just to get blamed for something else when we wake up before we even leave the house.

This is helping me see my "light"
Al anon and this forum is the contribution to my sanity... and the price is right too.
missy xo

tiney1972

its my sanity too so far And IM liking it!

Janitw

Tiney - Don't for the one that they don't get enough sex....mine kept saying like a broken record "My wife doesn't like me and she doesn't love me" he said that over and over and over again. I even saw him standing out by the pond hands thrown up in the air and he's yelling "I'm a lonely man...Jan !!" I opened the kitchen window and said "With all the kids and animals around here? OK...carry on. and I closed the window. Yup he will blame you for sure honey but thats ok. Its his lie and he can tell it how he wants....

Janit

Pick-a-name

Correct! I made him drink by "not supporting him",blah,blah,blah........and by him being alone( he chose to leave! )and lonely,etc.,etc...boohoohoo....


Yes! it all sounds familiar...like the last months my AH lived in our home. Try agreeing with him sometime: I did (sometimes for the fun) and he still argued with me! haha

It is so sad, you just have to laugh sometimes.