New in recovery, trying to deal
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: san francisco, ca
Posts: 1
New in recovery, trying to deal
Hi,
This is my first post and wanted to introduce myself. I have 4 months of sobriety. It is interesting that I have made it this far. I have a wonderful sponsor but I know I don't utilize her enough. I have a huge fear of opening up to people and being judged. I feel horrible about what I have done drunk (namely crashing my car blacked out and beating up my boyfriend who I am still with). I do not know how to deal with the shame and guilty sorrunding this. I also do not know how to deal with my anger and embarrassment. People tell me I should focus on something else. How do you do that? I have been going to meetings, about one a week. I do not feel that I am a part of aa except for my sponsor. I don't know how to meet people in meetings. I am starting to hit a wall in my recovery. I can't be alone, If I am I get really angry and want to drink. HOw can I deal with my anger, embarrassment, and low self esteem issues without booze?
This is my first post and wanted to introduce myself. I have 4 months of sobriety. It is interesting that I have made it this far. I have a wonderful sponsor but I know I don't utilize her enough. I have a huge fear of opening up to people and being judged. I feel horrible about what I have done drunk (namely crashing my car blacked out and beating up my boyfriend who I am still with). I do not know how to deal with the shame and guilty sorrunding this. I also do not know how to deal with my anger and embarrassment. People tell me I should focus on something else. How do you do that? I have been going to meetings, about one a week. I do not feel that I am a part of aa except for my sponsor. I don't know how to meet people in meetings. I am starting to hit a wall in my recovery. I can't be alone, If I am I get really angry and want to drink. HOw can I deal with my anger, embarrassment, and low self esteem issues without booze?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,445
Hi Joy,
Shame and embarassment are a huge part of addiction. I spent ages trying to get past the horrible feelings I had and was not really very successful. Then, I found SR and a wonderful woman here told me I should try journalling. I agreed that I should, but didn't want to. I really didn't want to see all the awful stuff written down in black and white and I resisted for a long time. I also didn't get any better. So, one day I decided to begin and everything just kept pouring out. I found that everything I wrote down, each incident written on paper, stopped plaguing me. It was amazing and I kept up the journal for almost a year. Then the suggestion made to me was to burn the journal as a celebration. I did that too!
Shame and embarassment are a huge part of addiction. I spent ages trying to get past the horrible feelings I had and was not really very successful. Then, I found SR and a wonderful woman here told me I should try journalling. I agreed that I should, but didn't want to. I really didn't want to see all the awful stuff written down in black and white and I resisted for a long time. I also didn't get any better. So, one day I decided to begin and everything just kept pouring out. I found that everything I wrote down, each incident written on paper, stopped plaguing me. It was amazing and I kept up the journal for almost a year. Then the suggestion made to me was to burn the journal as a celebration. I did that too!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: El Cerrito, California
Posts: 580
Well, they mention the spiritual stuff, right? Prayer and meditation can be about cutting through a lot of mental chatter. We're going to have feelings, especially when we've been through a lot. That's not really a problem. So instead of focusing on the constant deluge of "he did this, I did that", we can try prayer and/or meditation. And this isn't really about your belief system. I started with the Serenity Prayer, leaving off the "God" part, and when my mind was particularly rambunctious, I did it a lot. Doesn't matter what we're opening our mind to, as long as we're opening our mind. Then you might find you're willing to try stuff.
As far as meeting people at meetings, I found coming a bit early and helping out a bit at the end works, and then running a meeting when I could. Speaking when I could. Small meetings are less intimidating, and often more honest.
I'm really not all that mainstream, but it worked for me.
As far as meeting people at meetings, I found coming a bit early and helping out a bit at the end works, and then running a meeting when I could. Speaking when I could. Small meetings are less intimidating, and often more honest.
I'm really not all that mainstream, but it worked for me.
It's great to see you here at SR!
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