Newf Stimpson

Hi, I am an alkie/addict and my name is Newf. Primarily I am an boozer and a pothead (but OTOH, I never met a substance I didn't like) but I, once again, have had enough. I first got clean back in '93 but I started smoking weed again five years ago and started drinking again earlier this year which really made a mess out of things.

Once again I have reached that point of knowing that I can't keep living this way but I haven't been able to stay more than a couple of months clean at a time. I went to a detox in March and to a rehab in May (with one relapse in between, even though I went to 125 meetings in the 60 days between detox and treatment). I currently go to at least one AA/NA meeting a day, have a sponsor, and go to conselling and an addiction services worker regularly. In spite of all of this I've still had a few relapses in the last few months.

I have a hard time with depression as well and have nonexistent family support. Unmanagability, resentments, guilt and going to slippery places are my primary triggers. However, I've recently dumped the slippery people, places and situations in my life and committed myself to keeping it that way. I've found some healthier people in recovery to hang with as well as opposed to those who just come to meetings, hang around, drink coffee and gossip like most of my old homegroup IMO. Yes, I know I'm not supposed to take anyones inventory but there are limits, I have to think about my own survival too. I have also gotten a new sponsor (that I've known since '93) who actively works the steps with her sponsees and kicks their ass if they don't. My failure to work the steps beyond three was a big factor in my relapses so I really want to get through this.

It's nice to have a forum like this to go to.

Thanks!
Newf

BBW, this place has the biggest colllection of smilies that I've ever seen.

nogard

Welcome to SR there is loads of info on everything recovery and beyond, simply read or ask.

Kevin

michski

Welcome!
Hope you find what you need here!

best

Welcome to SR Newf

My thoughts as I was reading your posts...

Great that you are seeing a solutions and have a sponsor that is willing to go the extra with you. A catch phrase but a truth... It works when you work it.

I am sure you will get where you need be with this try.
Good choices. Good for you.

ayla zaire

you can do this...keep doing what you're doing...it really sounds like you are doing all of the right things...welcome to sr and stick around there are tons of great people here who are happy to listen and lend support...you can post anything here...no judgement...i love it here it has changed my life...

Dreamz

Nevyn

I hear ya, I get stuck on step 2 myself. The steps really are awesome if you can just follow through. I want what my sponsor's got, hope you feel the same way.

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Newf Stimpson

Catch phrases become catch phrases for a reason I figure.

What? You mean serenity, peace of mind, a career, a healthy life partner, and the respect of many? Yeah, that would be it.

Thanks so much for the nice welcome everyone.

mygirls_mylife

Hey there! Didnt get on the first round of welcomes, but WELCOME!!!!!!

Glad you are here!!!

2dayzmuse

You have stumbled upon a great place. Not only is SR interesting, it is wonderful! Welcome...

REZ

Sounds like you're working a good program. Keep on doing it--as if your life depends on it (which it probably does).

SadCircle

Im new here too.. hey muze, nice to see a washintonian..

2dayzmuse

Hey SC, there a few of us Washingtonians on the boards.

Newf Stimpson

Thanks again for the kind words everyone. Last night was awful. I was just reeling from very intense feelings of resentment, anger, and rage. I hate to say it but I was craving like an SOB so a friend and I burned a 1/2 tank of gas while I ranted and raved on and on and on. I couldn't even slow down to sleep till 6 am. Stayed clean though through the grace of God once again. Still in a kinda pissy mood though, I hate to say...

Phoned my sponsor and she said that for where I'm at and my situation it's to be expected and to phone her again if I need to. One of my clean friends wants me to come over and hang but I don't think that I'd be very good company right now and I told him that but he said to come over anyways and don't worry about it.

Having one of those having an angel on one side and a devil on the other moments. "sigh/ugh"

God, I wish I had never relapsed. It's sooooooo very very much harder this time.

Anyhoo, enough bellyaching for now.

Thanks again everyone
Newf

Nevyn

How are you doing now Newf? I agree, it does get harder after every relapse, so the best thing you can do is... try not to relapse. As they say, every sober day is a victory.

Newf Stimpson

Well, thank heaven for small mercies. By the grace of God I finally made it through a weekend clean. To be honest I would've caved friday but I couldn't get a connection but I am grateful today. 8 days now.

Thanks
Newf

Nevyn

Gratz Newf, keep it up.

best

Two things I could do for my choices....
tell ya to shut up and sit down or give ya a hug.

*flips a coin* head I give a hug, tails I give a hug...if it lands on edge, I tell ya to shut up.

Guess what....

Congratulations on collecting the 8.

BuDoc

Welcome Newf, you will find you are not alone here. Many of us have similar experiences and can relate... Deep down I think you know what you have to do, but are you willing and really want it bad enough to commit to doing whatever it takes to getting clean and sober again? That's a critical question you have to ask yourself and then answer brutally honestly. I know I got to that point, but it took allot to get there, including almost dying, some other near disasters and finally ending up in jail. Hang in there, keep coming back, posting and stuff. We're here with you.

Hang loose, Doc.