2nd post from Sean
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: East Coast/the lovers state
Posts: 71
2nd post from Sean
I want to say thank you to all for the positive and supportive responses I received. It is a much needed lift for me and the few I share with in here. There is a lot of negative thinking and stuff in here that I refuse to take part in. You do have to remember that you’re in prison. I was resistant to being locked up after I detoxed in isolation, but after getting into a program that soon changed. I was reading some posts on people’s “rock bottom.” For me it was not one event, but a string of suffering landing me in jail. I always told myself, when in the lifestyle, that I would quit when it wasn’t fun any more. I never really tried to quit and only wanted to on those mornings I found myself broke and in pain, but alcohol fixed that. For the last 2 years I was out there, I never found myself broke or without plenty of my ex-favorite drugs. It just came with the lifestyle I chose to support my own personal growing habit. Well, finally my best friend and I decided to get out of the game, and we saved up enough $$ to start a business together and be legit. Then right after, he was murdered. I couldn’t handle it well at all and really got heavier into coke, heroin, etc. I od’ed several times and was saved, was paranoid all the time, and had no friends to truly turn to. I had plenty of people around me, but was just being used by them, (and using them) including my girlfriend at the time. I knew I was under investigation by several police organizations, and just didn’t have any desire to live any more, at least not on the surface. The fun of money, drugs, women, friends, no real job, etc. etc. was over! It wasn’t fun any more, but the damnedest thing, I couldn’t quit. I couldn’t even slow down. I was caught bad and it felt terrible. My old using friends and I had a saying we said about everything in a funny little way, “Be fine.” Well, my new saying was “Never Be Ok.” (I took that from my best friend Rob that was murdered, he had put it into my phone so it came up when he called me.) Well, when the cops finally got me in my hotel room, I was in bad shape and asked them what took so long. I went through withdrawal from everything laying in a 7’ by 5’ cell by myself for weeks. It was very painful and I don’t ever want to forget it or do it again.
“I used to use drugs to alter my perception of reality, today I use reality to alter my perception of drugs.”: Sean.
I can now say from the knowledge I’ve gained, sharing I’ve done, growing up I’ve had to face (34 in October) , and working an honest program that things will really “Be fine,” and to go back to the lifestyle will “Never Be Ok.”
I’ve been down a lot of dead end roads and so have many of you, and we are all living miracles to ourselves and others that we can change and things do get better if we try, and let them. As an addict I had to go down on my own dead end road and after many “pit stops” granted me by my enablers, I was able to finally hit my personal bottom or the “end of the road.”
One thing I really got excited when I read the responses to my first post about helping others. When I get out of here, (and while still in) that’s my plan, and the best thing is it helps me also! I didn’t have a problem about spreading around drugs, and I won’t have a problem spreading around recovery. I didn’t care what straight people thought of me when using, so why care what using people think of me being straight? Get it? With my HP (God for me) leading the way, I believe I an do this, but I’ll need the help of everyone here (SR) along with NA meetings and always do my best to offer of myself to help any way I can with others.
Thanks SR and Happy Birthday. Sean
“I used to use drugs to alter my perception of reality, today I use reality to alter my perception of drugs.”: Sean.
I can now say from the knowledge I’ve gained, sharing I’ve done, growing up I’ve had to face (34 in October) , and working an honest program that things will really “Be fine,” and to go back to the lifestyle will “Never Be Ok.”
I’ve been down a lot of dead end roads and so have many of you, and we are all living miracles to ourselves and others that we can change and things do get better if we try, and let them. As an addict I had to go down on my own dead end road and after many “pit stops” granted me by my enablers, I was able to finally hit my personal bottom or the “end of the road.”
One thing I really got excited when I read the responses to my first post about helping others. When I get out of here, (and while still in) that’s my plan, and the best thing is it helps me also! I didn’t have a problem about spreading around drugs, and I won’t have a problem spreading around recovery. I didn’t care what straight people thought of me when using, so why care what using people think of me being straight? Get it? With my HP (God for me) leading the way, I believe I an do this, but I’ll need the help of everyone here (SR) along with NA meetings and always do my best to offer of myself to help any way I can with others.
Thanks SR and Happy Birthday. Sean
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: East Coast/the lovers state
Posts: 71
Responses to ya'll
I’m going to put all my responses here in one post, and hope you all will find them.
I was reading one post with Big Sis, Nufznuf, Funkster, Lovestoomuch, Cat, Ann by the lake Earthling:/US: Here’s more:
Earthling: My son got straight A’s in school.
US: uh, yeah my son too; Arson, Assault, Adultery, Aiding and Abetting
Earthling: I graduated from Penn State.
US/ I mean, ME: Well I was in the State Pen
Earthling: Terrorism overseas sure is bad.
US: The terror I face at home seems worse.
Earthling: What type of investments do you have?
Us: Well….rehabs, doctors, lawyers, and emotionally…SR
LOLLIPOP (Liss) - yup busted selling and what not. Staying close to the silver lining and getting out of the cloud. I resemble your remark about not being a “social anything.” haha Sobriety may be a b***h at first, but it does grow into many an awesome opportunity. I wish I could PM you any time, but all I have is pen and paper, no computer, but if you would like to write my address is available upon request.
Carol D - thanks for the hopeful personal story that it is possible to change while in a place such as this. I really look forward to becoming a “positive statistic.”
Star (MyGirlsMy Life) - thank you for taking your precious time to read and respond to me. When we share our time with others we all benefit.
Dom - thank you for the luck and right back at you!
MN Girly Girl - you said “the world doesn’t change, but our attitude can.” Man, that so hit home, because right now my world has changed (being in prison) but the real world is out there waiting for me, just the way I left it (or worse) and I got a good time to work on me before facing it again. Thanks girly!
Deedee - thanks for the hugs and prayers, we all need them. Losses aren’t always a bad thing, like losing your desire to use, they just give us opportunity to grow and learn. At least that’s how I try and look at it nowadays.
Mike (Desert Eyes) - Thanks. 25 years long time….makes my 3 ½ seem small. I like to hear about people doing good after incarceration!!
Arura - yeah it took some time with the administration here, and they are constantly “checking” on us in our meetings, but no one can stop God’s will!
Krista (Gettingbetter32) - I thank God I’m here instead of next to several friends I have wither dead or still using. Thanks for the positive reflection you give me of what I shared. I can relate with the withdrawals and the constant battle in your head to “just use one, for today, or one more day won’t hurt.” Man, I tell you, I really respect the effort you put into getting clean, without being locked up. It does get better and by the time you read this I hope you are feeling better and not crying too much, (not that it is a bad thing, I cried myself to sleep in here before), and laughing a lot. I got some jokes for you one day when I can get them to you.
Blake - dude, I truly think you are an inspiration to me and others. Man, you have been through some stuff I can totally relate to, and I see you have good E,S,H to honestly share. Thanks for all the support and offers and I hope to be in touch with you. When I avoided responsibility I avoided a real life with real feeling and meaning. Sometimes responsibility has consequence, but they can be rewarding.
Dakota - you’ve been where I’m at or in worse places than me, You share some good stuff and I get a lot out of it. You have gained a lot of knowledge I can tell, and more importantly are putting it to use. I pray your friends are dong well and you are sticking to your program and taking care of yourself. Your story (what I’ve read) motivates me a lot. Our pasts will always be there, but our future doesn’t have to reflect them any more, thanks to HP.
Greeteachday Anne - thank you for your kind words, they carry a klot of weight. I’m glad to help and I feel I have felt some of the same feelings you have and they do get better. If I give up and drop the ball, my friend’s death, and others, will be in vain. We must live and share what makes us better to others to help them through this pain, or even how to avoid it. I look forward to sharing with you more. Prayers all around!
Mom - (my Mom has been a reader at SR since before I was arrested, and I want her to post this) Thanks from the bottom of my heart for taking the time and effort for sending me this stuff and posting for me. You’ve loved me when I couldn’t love myself or return it to you. I can now, and I hope my future actions show it. You allowed me to take my path that I needed to go through and covered me with prayers. Stay strong in faith. Post here and share your experience, strength and hope, and be helped and help others. Your opening up will help everyone involved. The first step is a big one, but there is no falling involved, we’ve already fallen, it starts the climbing process to a higher level of living life the way God intended us all to live. I love you, Sean (Life Change)
Thanks, ‘til next time. Life Change (Sean)
I was reading one post with Big Sis, Nufznuf, Funkster, Lovestoomuch, Cat, Ann by the lake Earthling:/US: Here’s more:
Earthling: My son got straight A’s in school.
US: uh, yeah my son too; Arson, Assault, Adultery, Aiding and Abetting
Earthling: I graduated from Penn State.
US/ I mean, ME: Well I was in the State Pen
Earthling: Terrorism overseas sure is bad.
US: The terror I face at home seems worse.
Earthling: What type of investments do you have?
Us: Well….rehabs, doctors, lawyers, and emotionally…SR
LOLLIPOP (Liss) - yup busted selling and what not. Staying close to the silver lining and getting out of the cloud. I resemble your remark about not being a “social anything.” haha Sobriety may be a b***h at first, but it does grow into many an awesome opportunity. I wish I could PM you any time, but all I have is pen and paper, no computer, but if you would like to write my address is available upon request.
Carol D - thanks for the hopeful personal story that it is possible to change while in a place such as this. I really look forward to becoming a “positive statistic.”
Star (MyGirlsMy Life) - thank you for taking your precious time to read and respond to me. When we share our time with others we all benefit.
Dom - thank you for the luck and right back at you!
MN Girly Girl - you said “the world doesn’t change, but our attitude can.” Man, that so hit home, because right now my world has changed (being in prison) but the real world is out there waiting for me, just the way I left it (or worse) and I got a good time to work on me before facing it again. Thanks girly!
Deedee - thanks for the hugs and prayers, we all need them. Losses aren’t always a bad thing, like losing your desire to use, they just give us opportunity to grow and learn. At least that’s how I try and look at it nowadays.
Mike (Desert Eyes) - Thanks. 25 years long time….makes my 3 ½ seem small. I like to hear about people doing good after incarceration!!
Arura - yeah it took some time with the administration here, and they are constantly “checking” on us in our meetings, but no one can stop God’s will!
Krista (Gettingbetter32) - I thank God I’m here instead of next to several friends I have wither dead or still using. Thanks for the positive reflection you give me of what I shared. I can relate with the withdrawals and the constant battle in your head to “just use one, for today, or one more day won’t hurt.” Man, I tell you, I really respect the effort you put into getting clean, without being locked up. It does get better and by the time you read this I hope you are feeling better and not crying too much, (not that it is a bad thing, I cried myself to sleep in here before), and laughing a lot. I got some jokes for you one day when I can get them to you.
Blake - dude, I truly think you are an inspiration to me and others. Man, you have been through some stuff I can totally relate to, and I see you have good E,S,H to honestly share. Thanks for all the support and offers and I hope to be in touch with you. When I avoided responsibility I avoided a real life with real feeling and meaning. Sometimes responsibility has consequence, but they can be rewarding.
Dakota - you’ve been where I’m at or in worse places than me, You share some good stuff and I get a lot out of it. You have gained a lot of knowledge I can tell, and more importantly are putting it to use. I pray your friends are dong well and you are sticking to your program and taking care of yourself. Your story (what I’ve read) motivates me a lot. Our pasts will always be there, but our future doesn’t have to reflect them any more, thanks to HP.
Greeteachday Anne - thank you for your kind words, they carry a klot of weight. I’m glad to help and I feel I have felt some of the same feelings you have and they do get better. If I give up and drop the ball, my friend’s death, and others, will be in vain. We must live and share what makes us better to others to help them through this pain, or even how to avoid it. I look forward to sharing with you more. Prayers all around!
Mom - (my Mom has been a reader at SR since before I was arrested, and I want her to post this) Thanks from the bottom of my heart for taking the time and effort for sending me this stuff and posting for me. You’ve loved me when I couldn’t love myself or return it to you. I can now, and I hope my future actions show it. You allowed me to take my path that I needed to go through and covered me with prayers. Stay strong in faith. Post here and share your experience, strength and hope, and be helped and help others. Your opening up will help everyone involved. The first step is a big one, but there is no falling involved, we’ve already fallen, it starts the climbing process to a higher level of living life the way God intended us all to live. I love you, Sean (Life Change)
Thanks, ‘til next time. Life Change (Sean)
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: home of the liquid sunshine-Florida
Posts: 294
WOW! I am so choked up, I dont even know what to write. Sean, I do want to get your address and write you. I absolutely LOVE your enthusiasm, you are a perfect example of life giving them lemons and them making lemonade. I truly admire you.
I have a step-brother and step-sister who are doing the jail/drugs bouncy thing. I pray every time that they have the "life changing" spiritual awakening like you have had.
I also am thinking about using my experience to help others out here. I am considering being a pastor or a drug/alcohol counselor or , perhap, both.
It was very painful and I don’t ever want to forget it or do it again.
“I used to use drugs to alter my perception of reality, today I use reality to alter my perception of drugs.”: Sean.
Thank you so much for this, I hope you don't mind if I share your quote.
SEAN's MOM - Thank you so much for what you are doing. You are not helping only Sean you are helping all of us. Your son is a true inspiration and you must be proud. Thank you for sharing for him with us.
Star
I have a step-brother and step-sister who are doing the jail/drugs bouncy thing. I pray every time that they have the "life changing" spiritual awakening like you have had.
I also am thinking about using my experience to help others out here. I am considering being a pastor or a drug/alcohol counselor or , perhap, both.
It was very painful and I don’t ever want to forget it or do it again.
“I used to use drugs to alter my perception of reality, today I use reality to alter my perception of drugs.”: Sean.
Thank you so much for this, I hope you don't mind if I share your quote.
SEAN's MOM - Thank you so much for what you are doing. You are not helping only Sean you are helping all of us. Your son is a true inspiration and you must be proud. Thank you for sharing for him with us.
Star
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: East Coast/the lovers state
Posts: 71
(Adding last sentence that was overlooked
Thanks to all the rest of you for your sharing that I get to read also, like Vic, Marle, & C Crew, and hello from my "home group."
Thanks to all the rest of you for your sharing that I get to read also, like Vic, Marle, & C Crew, and hello from my "home group."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Plymouth, MN
Posts: 960
((Sean's Mom)) for standing by and supporting him. I know where he has gotten his positive attitude and outlook.
Sean, never give up moving forward because some day all this time will pass and you will be able to start a new life. Heck, you already are!!
Sean, never give up moving forward because some day all this time will pass and you will be able to start a new life. Heck, you already are!!
dakotaboyd
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: queensland
Posts: 51
To Life change,
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply, I am still computor ignorant and find it hard to navigate. I have read your posts and have found myself relating to a lot of what you say. The path you are on sounds very sure footed to me. Shareing, as you do, has been a great building for me. It puts myself and my ideas out there in the open for questioning. If I am wrong or right about a point in my recovery, well I fu.ken well want to know about it. If I can also pass on part of my recovery, through shared discussion, it improves feelings in myself and my self worth to others. It is a hard but wonderful journey we are on my friend. I look forward to hearing more good things from you in the future.
dakotaboyd
Sorry it has taken me so long to reply, I am still computor ignorant and find it hard to navigate. I have read your posts and have found myself relating to a lot of what you say. The path you are on sounds very sure footed to me. Shareing, as you do, has been a great building for me. It puts myself and my ideas out there in the open for questioning. If I am wrong or right about a point in my recovery, well I fu.ken well want to know about it. If I can also pass on part of my recovery, through shared discussion, it improves feelings in myself and my self worth to others. It is a hard but wonderful journey we are on my friend. I look forward to hearing more good things from you in the future.
dakotaboyd
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