Another alcoholic checking in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 2
Another alcoholic checking in
First, I need to say that I'm not a newcomer to recovery, but I am new to this board. Hi! I've been addicted to alcohol since I was 18, and I know that even before I ever officially drank, I was addicted since childhood to cough medicine, vanilla extract, and other seemingly innocuous things without realizing why. By the time I was 13 I knew I was destined to be an alcoholic. I resisted peer pressure until 18, after which I dived right in.
I have been institutionalized, hospitalized, and sent to four different rehabs. While I was able to stop drinking briefly after each stay, it was never enough. These were 28-day programs, and I spent the larger part of them drying out. I've been to AA locally, but the meetings seemed flat compared to the quality of the meetings I attended in rehab, and I didn't continue.
My longest term of sobriety is about six months. Currently I am drinking heavily. Because of my age, I realize that my alcoholism is ultimately going to kill me. No illusions there. I don't even drive my car anymore because even when I haven't been drinking, I feel unsteady, and I don't want to inflict injury on anyone because of my own stupidity.
So, frankly, I am at my wits' end. The money, the treatment, the time I've wasted--the hope--everything has flown out the window. My ex-husband tells me that I will probably wind up in the state mental hospital, and he is probably right. Asking for help seems futile, but all suggestions are greatly welcome. What I really want to know is how those of you who have attained sobriety after hard-core alcohol addiction managed to stop drinking. Please let me know, because every time I stop, I start again drinking harder than before.
I have been institutionalized, hospitalized, and sent to four different rehabs. While I was able to stop drinking briefly after each stay, it was never enough. These were 28-day programs, and I spent the larger part of them drying out. I've been to AA locally, but the meetings seemed flat compared to the quality of the meetings I attended in rehab, and I didn't continue.
My longest term of sobriety is about six months. Currently I am drinking heavily. Because of my age, I realize that my alcoholism is ultimately going to kill me. No illusions there. I don't even drive my car anymore because even when I haven't been drinking, I feel unsteady, and I don't want to inflict injury on anyone because of my own stupidity.
So, frankly, I am at my wits' end. The money, the treatment, the time I've wasted--the hope--everything has flown out the window. My ex-husband tells me that I will probably wind up in the state mental hospital, and he is probably right. Asking for help seems futile, but all suggestions are greatly welcome. What I really want to know is how those of you who have attained sobriety after hard-core alcohol addiction managed to stop drinking. Please let me know, because every time I stop, I start again drinking harder than before.
Recovering perpetual kid...
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Layton Utah
Posts: 219
Surfaces, there is still hope and recovery out there but only if you don't give up! I can relate to your story. I began drinking before I was a teen and drinking heavily as a teen. I have been in and out of recovery since I have been 18 years old. I am now 45 years old. I did have over 10 years of being clean and sober, and then went back out drinking and using again. I've had a few periods of 90 days+ here and there over the last 6 or so years of recovery and then would relapse. I too don't drive, but my reason is I got a DUI 48 days ago. I have now been clean and sober 47 days. It's hard, but I refuse to give up! This damn disease is not going to kill me like it did both of my parents... As long as you don't give up there is hope. Hang in there, deep down I suspect you know what to do... Hang loose, Doc.
Recovering perpetual kid...
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Layton Utah
Posts: 219
Redd, it takes time to respond... You are not alone out there. Remember too, this is a message board and not a live chat, so it isn't instantanious like IM's are... Hang in there, you found the right place and a bunch of awesome, caring people in different stages of recovery...
Hang loose, Doc.
Hang loose, Doc.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Recovery
Posts: 3,229
Welcome Surfaces and Redd!
You have both taken a huge step by coming on here and reaching out for help.
There is hope! Even if it does not seem like it at the moment, just believe. We do recover! There are many great success stories on this board of amazing people who have broken the grips of addiction. This message board is full of many miracles who have very inspiring stories.
Hope you will stick around and let us get to know you as you get to know us.
Don't give up!
You have both taken a huge step by coming on here and reaching out for help.
There is hope! Even if it does not seem like it at the moment, just believe. We do recover! There are many great success stories on this board of amazing people who have broken the grips of addiction. This message board is full of many miracles who have very inspiring stories.
Hope you will stick around and let us get to know you as you get to know us.
Don't give up!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,237
Hi Surfaces and REDD,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
My name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people like you
here in SR i havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that and you im truely
grateful.
No one ever has to die from this horrible
disease. But of course when i had reached
my bottom with drinking and couldn't go on
with life anymore I was ready to check out.
I did try but for some miraculous reason my
life was spared. I dont think it was my
time to go. And so my family stepped in
and did for me what i couldnt do for myself.
It was then i was sent to rehab for 28 days
recieving the tools and knowledge of how
to stay sober one day at a time.
What were the reasons why i stayed stop
drinking? DESIRE....the DESIRE to stop
drinking was something i wanted more than
anything. Then I had the WILLINGNESS to
go to any lengths to stay sober.
I was given 12 Steps in recovery to follow
and guide me along in my journey.
The first step was to:
ADMIT I was POWERLESS over alcohol and
my life had become UNMANAGEABLE.
Ask yourself...are u POWERLESS over drinking
or drugging? Youve tried to stop so many times
and u just go right back to it, right?
Did you know that ALCOHOL/DRUGS....are....
CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL?
That means that this disease we have called
Alcoholism and drug addiction can sneek up on
us when we least expect it to....we could be
in a good place or bad place and WHAM...!
I realized early on in recovery that because
my disease was TOO BIG or me to handle...
I needed help...I couldnt handle or deal
with this disease on my own....
This is where I needed to rely on Something
Greater than I to help me...who you ask?
well....some my use the AA group as a
whole to help them....some because of
their faith or religion may rely on their
Higher Power whom ever they wish to
call It, him, They, she , He.....anything..
its ur call....just something that has more
strength than u to help u because u
cant handle this disease on ur own like me.
So i first had to get rid of ALL the alcohol
and drugs in my home...anything that
would tempt me..or be there if i was
in a bad mood or even a good mood.
If its not there then u drink it or use it...right?
Then with the knowledge i got in rehab..the
suggestions freely given me...i went to many
meetings. Why did i go? Well i didnt want to
be left alone at home...i was still to vunerable,
scared....and so i just sat in meetings after
meetings and listened and absorbed...even
when i didnt think i heard anything...later
the pay off was i did remember all those
saying i heard... and i saw newcomers coming in
and going back out to do more control drinking
to only return and tell me that it still doesnt work
out there ....they went out for me, so i
didnt have to...thats why im still sober today.
I already know the consequences of drinking
and to just be reminded all i have to do is
go sit in a meeting and i'll find out the answers.
I had a sponsor whom i could call upon when i
was feeling squirrely.....she made herself available
for me to call on anytime for suggestions and guidance...
She was a shining example to me of what
recovery was and I wanted what she had
....freedom from drinking....Freedom from
fear......Freedom from bondage of alcohol.
Going to meetings may seem boring? Well
....where else are we to find the answers
of how to stay sober. The answers lye
right there within each of us as we share
our own ESH with others....when we share
what it was like drinking, what happed to
us and what it is like now in sobriety....
The newcomers need the elders for their
wisdom to help them and the elders
need the newcomers to keep us on our toes
and as a constant reminder of where we
were at one time.
Surfaces and Redd.....im gonna leave it here for now.
Feel free to ask questions if u like as we r
all here to help you.
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
My name is Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.
By the Grace of my HP and people like you
here in SR i havent had a drink of alcohol
since 8-11-90. For that and you im truely
grateful.
No one ever has to die from this horrible
disease. But of course when i had reached
my bottom with drinking and couldn't go on
with life anymore I was ready to check out.
I did try but for some miraculous reason my
life was spared. I dont think it was my
time to go. And so my family stepped in
and did for me what i couldnt do for myself.
It was then i was sent to rehab for 28 days
recieving the tools and knowledge of how
to stay sober one day at a time.
What were the reasons why i stayed stop
drinking? DESIRE....the DESIRE to stop
drinking was something i wanted more than
anything. Then I had the WILLINGNESS to
go to any lengths to stay sober.
I was given 12 Steps in recovery to follow
and guide me along in my journey.
The first step was to:
ADMIT I was POWERLESS over alcohol and
my life had become UNMANAGEABLE.
Ask yourself...are u POWERLESS over drinking
or drugging? Youve tried to stop so many times
and u just go right back to it, right?
Did you know that ALCOHOL/DRUGS....are....
CUNNING, BAFFLING AND POWERFUL?
That means that this disease we have called
Alcoholism and drug addiction can sneek up on
us when we least expect it to....we could be
in a good place or bad place and WHAM...!
I realized early on in recovery that because
my disease was TOO BIG or me to handle...
I needed help...I couldnt handle or deal
with this disease on my own....
This is where I needed to rely on Something
Greater than I to help me...who you ask?
well....some my use the AA group as a
whole to help them....some because of
their faith or religion may rely on their
Higher Power whom ever they wish to
call It, him, They, she , He.....anything..
its ur call....just something that has more
strength than u to help u because u
cant handle this disease on ur own like me.
So i first had to get rid of ALL the alcohol
and drugs in my home...anything that
would tempt me..or be there if i was
in a bad mood or even a good mood.
If its not there then u drink it or use it...right?
Then with the knowledge i got in rehab..the
suggestions freely given me...i went to many
meetings. Why did i go? Well i didnt want to
be left alone at home...i was still to vunerable,
scared....and so i just sat in meetings after
meetings and listened and absorbed...even
when i didnt think i heard anything...later
the pay off was i did remember all those
saying i heard... and i saw newcomers coming in
and going back out to do more control drinking
to only return and tell me that it still doesnt work
out there ....they went out for me, so i
didnt have to...thats why im still sober today.
I already know the consequences of drinking
and to just be reminded all i have to do is
go sit in a meeting and i'll find out the answers.
I had a sponsor whom i could call upon when i
was feeling squirrely.....she made herself available
for me to call on anytime for suggestions and guidance...
She was a shining example to me of what
recovery was and I wanted what she had
....freedom from drinking....Freedom from
fear......Freedom from bondage of alcohol.
Going to meetings may seem boring? Well
....where else are we to find the answers
of how to stay sober. The answers lye
right there within each of us as we share
our own ESH with others....when we share
what it was like drinking, what happed to
us and what it is like now in sobriety....
The newcomers need the elders for their
wisdom to help them and the elders
need the newcomers to keep us on our toes
and as a constant reminder of where we
were at one time.
Surfaces and Redd.....im gonna leave it here for now.
Feel free to ask questions if u like as we r
all here to help you.
Last edited by aasharon90; 09-20-2006 at 02:31 PM.
look around and ask any ?'s you have there is loads of info and support here.Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Hi Surfaces,
I was like you and could not stop drinking. It was killing me too. I was even in AA for about 18 months in the late 80's and went out for another 16 years, the last 8 of which was heavy drinking. I tried for the last 5 years of drinking to stop again. I finally did stop in Feb. of '05 and haven't had a drink since. I am back in AA and that is what is working for me. This time I am working the steps and as hackneyed as it sounds, it is helping. I just made another amends (ninth step) last Sunday.
Have you thought about giving AA another chance? I knew I was going to die if I kept up the drinking and just gave in to AA. A couple of things make it pretty compelling: there are lots of meetings everywhere so I always have someplace to go for support. There are many people that really want to help there (you do have to be a little careful and use some judgement). I've made some friends and am getting to know quite a few people in the program now.
Other things that have worked include revitalizing my career, healing my relationship with my wife, and getting my health back. All of these have happened just because I decided to take a few of the suggestions of the program to heart and actually act on them.
I'm not perfect. Still need to do more for others (ie really need to get a service commitment).
Hang in there and realize that there is hope and you just need to find the right path for yourself. Whatever you do, don't give up because your solution might be right around the corner!
Jup.
I was like you and could not stop drinking. It was killing me too. I was even in AA for about 18 months in the late 80's and went out for another 16 years, the last 8 of which was heavy drinking. I tried for the last 5 years of drinking to stop again. I finally did stop in Feb. of '05 and haven't had a drink since. I am back in AA and that is what is working for me. This time I am working the steps and as hackneyed as it sounds, it is helping. I just made another amends (ninth step) last Sunday.
Have you thought about giving AA another chance? I knew I was going to die if I kept up the drinking and just gave in to AA. A couple of things make it pretty compelling: there are lots of meetings everywhere so I always have someplace to go for support. There are many people that really want to help there (you do have to be a little careful and use some judgement). I've made some friends and am getting to know quite a few people in the program now.
Other things that have worked include revitalizing my career, healing my relationship with my wife, and getting my health back. All of these have happened just because I decided to take a few of the suggestions of the program to heart and actually act on them.
I'm not perfect. Still need to do more for others (ie really need to get a service commitment).
Hang in there and realize that there is hope and you just need to find the right path for yourself. Whatever you do, don't give up because your solution might be right around the corner!
Jup.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Oklahoma City, OK
Posts: 2
Thank you for the wonderful welcome!!! Hugs to everybody, and congratulations to all you who are taking it one day at a time. You're a great inspiration, which is exactly what I need. This is the hardest time of my life, but I'm going to try.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
When I realized that alcohol had total control over me it pissed me off enough to take back the control. Who's in charge? You or the bottle? You simply want to be sober more then you'd prefer to be a drunk, that's how you get there.
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